Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

[KnittedJimmychoos]

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

@KnittedJimmychoos

* control drinks when out, not in his home.

If drinks needs are repeadlty not met by a host I wouldn't blame people for furnishing their own?

You weren't being hosted though!

Please can I add to the tv casting with OP as Snooki marching in with “Party’s here!”

OMFG

It's not needs not being met - he didn't want to share his special champagne with you, that was for his friends - when. You. Weren't. Invited.

It's shocking how you're able to ignore absolutely everyone telling you the same thing, and still conclude you're right.

They are clearly passive aggressive people who won't tell you if you've annoyed them hence letting you in the house despite not wanting you there.

Wtf @slashlover?

@KnittedJimmychoos

* control drinks when out, not in his home.

If drinks needs are repeadlty not met by a host I wouldn't blame people for furnishing their own?

“Drinks needs”? Or “wants”? Maybe you all have very different ideas on what is a normal amount to drink.

Maybe he isn't aware of his behaviour??maybe if your out with your family and you thrust hosting on them ie diving at the bar and insisting on paying you actually order the drinks people want?

What this is madness!! I can’t believe that the majority think YaBU. Your FIL has been so rude here. So rude.

@KnittedJimmychoos

I meant out and about re taking charge of drinks. If I go there again I'll take my own,with a bottle for them like formal friends.

To be honest, life under covid has been bliss not really seeing them, I'm in no rush to go again even with formal invite and neither is dh. It's too much hard work.

Hang about.... do you not bring a bottle (or something equivalent) when invited normally?

If we go to PILs or my parent to have dinner or stay over, we take a gift. They do the same to us. It doesn't have to be huge (wine or after dinner chocolates perhaps) but it's polite. When you grow up, your relationship with parents should change and you should relate to them as adults, not as dependants.

@denverRegina

Wtf *@slashlover*?

Could you clarify?

Maybe he isn't aware of his behaviour??

Oh, I'm dead. I'm dead

[quote Wabe]@LakieLady, I like Harriet Walter and Nigel Havers as the PILs, and would suggest Bill Nighy as Peter, but who plays the OP and her DH?[/quote]
Ooohh yes, Bill Nighy as Peter and perhaps Helen Mirren as his wife?

Perhaps Sheridan Smith for OP? Or Patsy Palmer? They might be too old though.

I don't have enough of an idea about OP's DH to think of anyone. Posh but hapless, I think, like a younger Miles Jupp.

I'm guessing the friend of fIl was someone useful/famous that the op's dh wanted to meet/pick brains/put a proposal to and couldn't do it directly as they don't have a direct relationship.

Of course I could be projecting wildly but this thread is fairly batshit bonkers already so I figured I'd add my twopenneth for good measure before it gets zapped!

The OP reminds me of the character Kerry, In This Country.

Totally disconnected to society and the norms.

@AbsolutelyPatsy

you and your dh sound difficult.

Yep and assuming OP is posting this bat shit nonsense sober I’m wondering how “difficult” they might be when they’re drinking and whether that’s at the back of FILs issue? I mean to be so determined to drink around him that she’s seriously suggesting she’ll show up with her own bottle and glass (!!) makes me think FILs version of the “biblical backstory” might be interesting.

@KnittedJimmychoos

Maybe he isn't aware of his behaviour??maybe if your out with your family and you thrust hosting on them ie diving at the bar and insisting on paying you actually order the drinks people want?

Perhaps you always want the really expensive champagne, though.

Op, I think fil has behaved badly and is in the wrong with this, but I do agree with pp’s in that I would simply stop visiting. He will not change, but you don’t need to deal with this. Just step back and leave them be.

I would imagine the wife was hiding from you or she and MIL were having a catch up and FIL was trying to do the same?? What on earth possessed you to interrupt their evening like that?. They are ALLOWED to invite their friends over and one of their children. Do you honestly think just because your dh is their son and knows their friends that he can insist on being invited?

Depends.

Can you tell the different between a bottle of
supermarket champagne and a vintage Cristal or don perignon?

Sounds like you weren’t invited and I’m baffled that you gatecrashed because you wanted to be invited. Better surely for your OH to tackle that in advance rather than acting childishly by just turning up.

Maybe Peter and Jane don’t like you and/ or your OH or maybe they all enjoy fine wines and recognise that you both don’t have a palette that can discern between a £70 bottle and a £700 bottle. I’d be reluctant to waste expensive champagne on someone who can’t tell the difference particularly if they weren’t even invited.

My advice would be to stop gate crashing because it’s rude and if you want to appreciate fine wines, save up and learn about them.

@KnittedJimmychoos

Yy matters I agree, this has really highlighted it and never again am I letting fil take charge on drinks.

But if he's hosting, it would be very rude to "take charge on drinks" unless you were asked to do so.

You were very rude

My cast member suggestions:

FIL - Peter Bowles in a smoking jacket
MIL - Joanna Lumley or Alison Steadman
Peter - Peter Beale or Larry Lamb
Jane - Penelope Wilton or Jane Asher
OP's DH - Nicholas Lyndhurst
OP - Is a tough one

Who would take charge of drinks though out and about and not ask people what they want? Do something mn really order what they choose for friends or family at a bar? Even our dc get asked what they would like, it's something I've not encountered before but it's obvious there is a seam of this sort of behaviour running through society I've not encountered.

This is n’t about champagne, for your husband’s and your own sake you need to explore the wider dynamic. If you do n’t you’ll face a lifetime of perceived slights.

Yy matters I agree, this has really highlighted it and never again am I letting fil take charge on drinks

What even when you TURN UP UNINVITED TO THEIR HOUSE (shouty because you don't seem to have grasped that major detail yet), you intend to take over the hosting??? Bloody hell OP you are the gift that keeps on giving.