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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
TheMethodicalMeerkat · 25/04/2021 11:31

@Bluntness100

I am very surprised at the responses here tbh. My dm would never invite my siblings to an event and exclude me

I just don’t understand answers like this. It seems some folks can’t imagine that people have relationships that are different to theirs. That some families there are real reasons to not invite people.

Honestly who cares what your mum does. The fact is this relationship is not good for reasons the op has not declared and they were not invited,

Same here. I think some people never grow past that childhood thing of Waaaaah! Snot fair, she got more ice cream than meeee.

I’m one of five, I can’t imagine insisting that my parents couldn’t have DB and SIL over for lunch without inviting all of us!

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:31

Glass this thread has been really helpful to me and your right, repeating the same mistakes with them.

OP posts:
Wabe · 25/04/2021 11:32

@KnittedJimmychoos

Definitely NOT Bill Nighy for Peter, Peter is body builder type, huge muscles.. More like grant from East enders
Maybe Bill could buff up a bit and drink protein shakes to prepare for the part? Grin
Womencanlift · 25/04/2021 11:34

@Sciurus83

I'm calling Classics on this one.

"YOU WEREN'T INVITED!!"
is the new cancel the cheque Grin

Also can we add “making eyes at the champagne” to the MN glossary Grin
Hopeisnotastrategy · 25/04/2021 11:35

@Sciurus83

I'm calling Classics on this one.

"YOU WEREN'T INVITED!!"
is the new cancel the cheque Grin

🤣🤣🤣
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 25/04/2021 11:36

Actually there is a history of drinks stand offs

And yet you still "made eyes" at their nice champagne.

diddl · 25/04/2021 11:36

@notagainmummy

You are clearly not regarded as the favoured few. It was an appalling thing to do to his family. I can't imagine preferring a friend to a family member, but yanbu at all.
My sibling & I get on well enough, but I'm sure that we both have friends whose company we prefer.

Is that so odd?

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:36

No bill is totally wrong.
Peter is extremely butch.

OP posts:
WhatMattersMost · 25/04/2021 11:37

@KnittedJimmychoos

Glass this thread has been really helpful to me and your right, repeating the same mistakes with them.
I agree with @GlassBoxSpectacular - You're caught in a pattern of behaviour that simply reinforces your original experience with them over and over; and that pattern, it seems, is your responsibility to break, otherwise you'll just keep playing a very tiring game. One that you have continued on Mumsnet.
Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:37

I made eyes at dh.. Discreetly over the champagne.

Well if I go again I'm taking my own glass and booze.

OP posts:
Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:38

Yy matters I agree, this has really highlighted it and never again am I letting fil take charge on drinks.

OP posts:
Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:40

In fact I think it's fils desire to control me that's the problem here. He tries to control dh, sil is on the same page so doesn't need controlling and its coming out through drinks.

OP posts:
GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 11:40

Well if I go again I'm taking my own glass and booze

Don’t go again. Problem solved, pattern broken.

LakieLady · 25/04/2021 11:41

@Sciurus83

And why didn't you leave when it was obvious they didn't want you there?!
Which is what anyone with manners would have done, had they just dropped in, not realising that the PILs were entertaining.

But OP and her DH called round knowing full well that they weren't welcome at that time, which was rude on their part, and they were determined to stay, precisely because they (or possibly just OP's DH) felt aggrieved at not being invited.

jimmyhill · 25/04/2021 11:43

PIL need to learn, and adapt, a useful Irish turn of phrase: "you'll have had your champagne"

Sciurus83 · 25/04/2021 11:43

OP, don't take your own glass and booze. Look, you clearly don't understand why you keep getting it wrong for whatever reason. Taking your own booze and glass would be really really looked down on, it will make things worse for you not better.

daisypond · 25/04/2021 11:43

@KnittedJimmychoos

Yy matters I agree, this has really highlighted it and never again am I letting fil take charge on drinks.
But this is part of your problem. You already try to take charge of drinks - you made eyes at DH over the champagne. Can’t you see that is the wrong thing to do here? There may be other instances where your FIL had behaved wrongly, but you are now in a standoff with him to do with drinking. In his house, with him hosting, you need specifically not to take charge of drinks. Out and about is different.
PuffItsGone · 25/04/2021 11:43

You sound incredibly rude and immature. Not surprised your FIL didn’t want you there.

Sciurus83 · 25/04/2021 11:45

Do you drink a lot more than everyone else in that side of the family?

FizzyApricot · 25/04/2021 11:45

Take a hip flask?

daisypond · 25/04/2021 11:45

Don’t take your own glass and booze! I hope you were joking.

CaraherEIL · 25/04/2021 11:46

We should rename this thread
Half glass shenanigans and battered fannies
Good name for a book

Sciurus83 · 25/04/2021 11:46

@fizzyapricot Grin

PotionNotion · 25/04/2021 11:46

Why are you completely glossing over the fact that you weren't invited? You barged into a dinner party to which you did not have an invitation?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/04/2021 11:47

@KnittedJimmychoos

In fact I think it's fils desire to control me that's the problem here. He tries to control dh, sil is on the same page so doesn't need controlling and its coming out through drinks.
Controlling you by...allowing you into his house Uninvited Confused