Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
CaraherEIL · 25/04/2021 11:18

I think your FIL in law has you down as a CF that considers she is not getting treated as special enough. It seems clear from the previous somewhat bizarre history of drinks related stand-offs!
He thinks you are a prima Donna trying to ensure you have special/extra drinks and wants you taken down a peg or two. Unfortunately you proved his point when you turned up uninvited at his home and starting eyeing up his best champagne.

daisypond · 25/04/2021 11:18

@KnittedJimmychoos

Daisy, I felt oddly thirsty Confused and rather than go up and down, I wanted two. Why is that odd?
It’s fine to feel thirsty, and it’s fine to want a lot of liquid, and I do think your FIL was being a prize dick here, but instead of ordering two drinks, you get one large bottle, or get one smaller drink and then another ten minutes later.
LuaDipa · 25/04/2021 11:18

I am very surprised at the responses here tbh. My dm would never invite my siblings to an event and exclude me. She would also be delighted if dh and I were ever to call in, which unfortunately we have been unable to do for the past year. She keeps all of our favourite tipples in on the off chance that we do call in, dh doesn’t drink and she maintains a supply of his favourite soft drink. I do the same for all of my family and friends, even mil. It is just basic manners.

I think the il’s were very rude in the event of your visit, and I’m sure their guests were appalled to see how they treat their family. I can imagine it was very awkward. I do find it abhorrent that someone would offer something to a guest but not to their own child, whatever the situation.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:19

Angry, not trying to look parched, me being parched around fil I've just realised is there thing actually.

I am parched.
I just wanted us to be treated the same as their friend but I get that's clear it won't happen.

OP posts:
XiCi · 25/04/2021 11:20

your FIL was being a prize dick here, but instead of ordering two drinks, you get one large bottle, or get one smaller drink and then another ten minutes later
Yep, pint of soda water, job done

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 11:20

I am very surprised at the responses here tbh. My dm would never invite my siblings to an event and exclude me

I just don’t understand answers like this. It seems some folks can’t imagine that people have relationships that are different to theirs. That some families there are real reasons to not invite people.

Honestly who cares what your mum does. The fact is this relationship is not good for reasons the op has not declared and they were not invited,

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 11:21

@KnittedJimmychoos

Angry, not trying to look parched, me being parched around fil I've just realised is there thing actually.

I am parched.
I just wanted us to be treated the same as their friend but I get that's clear it won't happen.

Why would you be treated like their friend when you’re not invited and you knew it and they were.
daisypond · 25/04/2021 11:22

Why would you want to be treated the same as their friend? I wouldn’t dream of my parents treating me the same as their friends? It’s a different type of relationship. Your ILs here aren’t your friends, they’re not your DH’s friends. They’re his parents.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:22

Actually there is a history of drinks stand offs there are more but I can't say as will definitely out me if this hasn't already and trying to haze things so it's not obvious but there are other drinks incidents!
It is a strange clash but I think I'm just particular about drinks and fil wants to always sieze control. I've never been in a situation where someone asks for say a vodka and coke and gets given something else entirely!

OP posts:
Sciurus83 · 25/04/2021 11:23

I'm calling Classics on this one.

"YOU WEREN'T INVITED!!"
is the new cancel the cheque Grin

CaraherEIL · 25/04/2021 11:24

OP I think the multitude of posters on here explaining at length why your behaviour was rude and you refusing to see the point demonstrates exactly what the problem is. You simply refuse to look at your own behaviour in relation to this event. If you are not invited, don’t go. If you do go you are likely to cause offence. I think your inability to listen or process basic common sense about this explains a large part of the problem you have with your PIL. Skin like a rhino except when it comes to your own feelings.

LakieLady · 25/04/2021 11:24

@GlassBoxSpectacular

Your FIL sounds incredibly rude unless there is a big backstory that you are not telling us where you and/or your dh have behaved appallingly and are not welcome in their house?

Apparently there’s a “biblical backstory”, but unfortunately the OP won’t elucidate. Sad

Let's hope it's not the one about Cain and Abel, eh? Grin
FizzyApricot · 25/04/2021 11:24

@KnittedJimmychoos

Actually there is a history of drinks stand offs there are more but I can't say as will definitely out me if this hasn't already and trying to haze things so it's not obvious but there are other drinks incidents! It is a strange clash but I think I'm just particular about drinks and fil wants to always sieze control. I've never been in a situation where someone asks for say a vodka and coke and gets given something else entirely!
Maybe you are a nightmare on spirits?

Could you bring your own in a can everytime you are invited to visit?

bullyingadvice2017 · 25/04/2021 11:25

Rude, rude, rude.
Just shows that money dosent buy you manners. I would never turn up when I knew my parents had friends around. If I happened to be poping by and friends cars outside I would drive on by and see them another time.

Cheeky fuckers that can't take a hint. You must have balls of steel.

denverRegina · 25/04/2021 11:25

"It is a strange clash but I think I'm just particular about drinks and fil wants to always sieze control. I've never been in a situation where someone asks for say a vodka and coke and gets given something else entirely!"

You've got form for getting smashed and embarrassing everyone haven't you? No wonder he panicked when you two rocked up, you probably half cut already, and started making eyes at his champers.

MiddleClassProblem · 25/04/2021 11:25

Ok so your FIL bull dozing anytime your order drinks with them makes it sound even more bizarre that you are miffed they didn’t get you a drink when you bumped into them in the restaurant with their friends...

wombatspoopcubes · 25/04/2021 11:26

You give people drinks that are welcome. You weren't invited and weren't welcome. How obvious do they have to be? You didn't come over to see your inlaws, you wanted to see their friends. If you and your DH wanted to meet with those friends you should have invited them to your own house.

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 11:26

Nah, ordering yourself two waters when you’re pregnant isn’t rude or greedy in any way. There is no etiquette to dictate that you should order one bigger drink rather than two in the size they come in which is what you actually want. A pint of soda water isn’t the same thing as sparkling water. The only reason you should intercept someone at the bar is because you genuinely want to demonstrate generosity by buying the drinks they were going to buy. Doing it and placing arbitrary limitations on how much of a soft drink they can order themselves, especially when they’re pregnant, is intolerably rude and unpleasant. I wouldn’t be having my children summoned by anyone that behaved that way when it suited them.

Wabe · 25/04/2021 11:27

@LakieLady, I like Harriet Walter and Nigel Havers as the PILs, and would suggest Bill Nighy as Peter, but who plays the OP and her DH?

CounsellorTroi · 25/04/2021 11:28

@snowgirl1

This reminds me of when my DH bought a bottle of wine for his best mate. Best mate has a habit of necking wine, so when DH gave it to best mate he said 'this is a nice wine - not one for necking'. A few months later we're at best mate's house for dinner, we end up talking about different wine types or grape types or something. Best mate says 'Where's that nice wine you bought us - I wonder what grape type that is' - or something along those lines. Wine gets dug out of a cupboard despite best mate's wife trying to put him off. Wine label is looked at and question about grapes (or whatever) is answered. Best mate says "why don't we open this now?". His wife says "no, let's save it for friends". Because we're obviously not Grin.
My DH once took a very good expensive vintage bottle of Rioja to a dinner party. Unfortunately there were more people there than he’d been expecting and he only got half a glass!
Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:28

I've never thought about the whole drinks theme before middle Hmm
But thinking about it, there is clearly a theme going on.
If we go again for whatever reason I think I will simply take my own glass and my own booze BUT I will also take them a bottle of nice champagne...

OP posts:
LuaDipa · 25/04/2021 11:28

@Bluntness100

I am very surprised at the responses here tbh. My dm would never invite my siblings to an event and exclude me

I just don’t understand answers like this. It seems some folks can’t imagine that people have relationships that are different to theirs. That some families there are real reasons to not invite people.

Honestly who cares what your mum does. The fact is this relationship is not good for reasons the op has not declared and they were not invited,

In fairness, you are quite right Bluntness, I can’t imagine a situation where any parent would treat their own child like this.
GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 11:30

Actually there is a history of drinks stand offs there are more but I can't say as will definitely out me if this hasn't already and trying to haze things so it's not obvious but there are other drinks incidents!

So why did you expect last night to be the exception to a long history of drinks-related stand-offs? Why put yourselves in the jaws of it by turning up unannounced and uninvited, then angling passive-aggressively for the drinks your FIL made clear he didn’t want to serve to you?

He may well be the biggest dick on the planet, but he can only treat you like he did when you’re actually there in front of him. So don’t turn up to his house and expect it to be a different experience to every other experience you’ve ever had with him.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 11:30

Definitely NOT Bill Nighy for Peter, Peter is body builder type, huge muscles.. More like grant from East enders

OP posts:
Hopeisnotastrategy · 25/04/2021 11:31

To an outsider there is an unfortunate whiff in all this that you are very aware of your PILs wealth and feel entitled to grab your fair share.

Whether that's true or not, behaviour like this would only reinforce that impression. Can you not see that? Would you like a better relationship with them going forward, or are you only interested in provoking them so you and your DH can nurse a sense of grievance? Everyone has to be the adult here, and chances are they are going to be in your lives for a long time. It's ok for their ways not to be your ways, but a bit of mutual consideration goes a long way.