Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

[KnittedJimmychoos]

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

Daisy, I felt oddly thirsty and rather than go up and down, I wanted two. Why is that odd?

Hmm nah the FIL does sound like a prick. OP should have got two drinks because she wanted them and was about to buy them herself. It’s incredibly rude - worse than rude, deliberately unpleasant - to stop a pregnant woman buying herself the amount of water she needs, buying her half the amount she wanted, then sitting and drinking the other half yourself. That’s pointedly horrible behaviour to put OP back in what he thinks is her box. They just sound like people I wouldn’t want to socialise with if I was their DIL - so I wouldn’t.

Methodical meerkat, that would all be relevant if this was a common occurance, it's simply not, dh wouldn't dream of popping around like this usually, it was just the draw of this particular friend. 99.9% of the time pils have been and are totally free to drink whatever they like, do whatever they like without dh and I clearly darkening their door. It was a one off.

I'm sure pre covid they have hosted many many times and we've never known. We bumped into them at restaurant once with a bar and they said a brief hello and sat at the bar after with their friends and didn't ask dh to join them or offer us a drink.

My god the nerve of them.... having a social life that's independent of you and your golden womb?! What bastards.

@Frustratedbeyondbelief

But WHY did you drop in when SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU WEREN'T INVITED ??

Without the kids. Who was looking after them while you were just passing??

They did what CFs always do - ignored The Rules Of Good Manners (which would generally indicate that you don’t just turn up at a dinner party) while depending on other people observing The Rules (you must be a gracious host) to get away with it hmm

Oh I love this.... this sums it up beautifully.

Actually Meerkat said it better

They did what CFs always do - ignored The Rules Of Good Manners (which would generally indicate that you don’t just turn up at a dinner party) while depending on other people observing The Rules (you must be a gracious host) to get away with it.

I don't really understand the posters who believe the OP is reasonable. She and her husband were not invited, not only were they not invited, they were pretty much told not to come.

The OP has suggested her PIL's are compliant with the COVID rules, which would explain why the SIL was invited but her DH not. If the DH was really that friendly with the guests, why did he not invite them over the next night? Or meet for a walk or coffee the next day? The OP and her husband, took it upon themselves to arrange a babysitter for their child(ren) and head (empty handed) to a dinner party they had not been invited to. Granted the SIL had left at this point, so no COVID rules were broken, but the OP has stated the PIL are big on COVID rules, so they were disrespecting that as well as everything else.

I just can't get my head around it. How did you time when to go OP? I'm presuming you didn't know when they were starting/finishing eating, so were you hoping for some food too? Why didn't you take a bottle of something? You were attending a dinner party, regardless of whether you were invited. To show up empty handed is quite impolite.

It seems to me that you and your husband went to the PIL's looking for trouble, or perhaps, you are the sort of people who enjoy having something to complain about, so you attended knowing you wouldn't be welcome and you could proceed to complain to everyone how horrid PIL are.

As for the other information - I agree with the others, it's perfectly normal to see close family out in restaurants and bars and say hello before moving to sit with friends, I'm struggling to see your point of how this makes them bad people. Then they had the nerve to not buy you drinks?! Really?

OP, we don't know the ins and outs of your DH's relationship with his parents and it may well be that they are not nice people, but the only person coming off as irrational and horrid in this post is you. I too would have been very embarrassed if I were your PIL after the dinner party fiasco.

@KnittedJimmychoos

Slash, Because it was really hot and I was really thirsty and very happily at the bar ordering and paying, when fil took over and then made it seem like I was being greedy?

Yes, because it is greedy. It’s just not great manners. You just don’t order two drinks for yourself, even when paying for them yourself.

Middle that's what I felt, put me in my box and again with the champagnes. That's very much how I feel and re fizzy drinks I wasn't expecting him to pay, I wanted to get it and pay because I knew I was getting myself two drinks!! He insisted on taking over to the point it was getting embarrassing not to accept and it was a busy bar and I wanted to sit down and drink as quickly as possible.

If your DH has a poor relationship with his family turning up to a dinner party you were specifically excluded from isn't the way to fix it.

That said I can't imagine begrudging anyone two glasses of water. Very odd.

It doesn’t matter if it was a one off, you knew you were intruding by turning up but did it anyway and made a point of settling in for a few drinks because you knew they’d have to suck it up or be openly rude. You’re a total CF and it’s clear you enjoyed the opportunity to annoy them under the guise of Oh DH just wants to say Hi 🙄.

[quote luckylavender]@KnittedJimmychoos - you said it yourself - it was made clear you weren't welcome [/quote]
This!

To turn up at a dinner party where you know you are not welcome is weird pass-agg social behaviour. Wtf were you expecting? Why did you go along with DH's suggestion in the first place? I bloody well wouldn't have gone. It's just rude, and you run the risk of getting blamed for it all being your idea. Do you think the PILs think he's "married down"?

To go on to complain about the welcome you got at an event at which you were very clear you were not welcome to attend is just taking the piss.

And am I the only one who thinks this would make a good comedy drama for tv? I've mentally cast Nigel Havers and Harriet Walters as the PILs already.

Hmm nah the FIL does sound like a prick. OP should have got two drinks because she wanted them and was about to buy them herself. It’s incredibly rude - worse than rude, deliberately unpleasant - to stop a pregnant woman buying herself the amount of water she needs, buying her half the amount she wanted, then sitting and drinking the other half yourself. That’s pointedly horrible behaviour to put OP back in what he thinks is her box. They just sound like people I wouldn’t want to socialise with if I was their DIL - so I wouldn’t.

I agree he’s putting her in her place but the “two” drinks is the kind of behaviour that’s seems to be the Ops MO. If you’re thirsty you order a pint of soda or a large bottle of mineral to share. Asking specifically for two drinks is twatty behaviour.

@Thefaceofboe

I wonder what Prince Charles would do if he had opened some special bottle and William Kate happened to be passing.. Would he share or offer them something else

That’s not really relevant though 😂 your fil isn’t Prince Charles for a start and you aren’t Will and Kate so...

And Op didn't happen to be passing, but decided to go even though they knew that they wouldn't be welcome.

You seem to be continually avoiding the fact that you weren't invited!! It's so bloody rude that you just showed up, expected to stay and then "made eyes" towards champagne you expected to be served. You weren't meant to be there. The champagne was for that occasion, and pil and their friends. I'm sure if you were invited, they would have enough for you too. You don't get many glasses from a bottle of champagne, you effectively took up a glass of what was being served to his guests. Whether they have a drink store is irrelevant- you sound so entitled and grabby! Let this be a lesson, that you don't turn up places without an invite.

They did what CFs always do - ignored The Rules Of Good Manners (which would generally indicate that you don’t just turn up at a dinner party) while depending on other people observing The Rules (you must be a gracious host) to get away with it

This is precisely it.

Daily fail,. Or other rags fuck off

Margaret, I would rather stay outside with pat the dog next time because it's more of relaxed.

God can you imagine..

We had some friends to visit last night, they grew up with DH and we used to live close together so we are all very close but don't get to see them very often anymore so we were so glad to get to spend some time catching up with them finally. A few days ago we mentioned to PILs that we were seeing them, and MIL made noises of wanting to see them too, she remembers them from DH growing up with them but they don't really know her well enough to socialise with her. We thought we'd gently made it clear that they weren't invited and we wanted a chill evening with our friends.
Come last night, we've just finished our meal and in walks PILs! Said they weren't staying long and MIL just wanted to see how friends are doing. I'd just been talking to friends about a nice gin I'd bought, we all share a love of quality gins and this was an expensive and small bottle. MIL likes a gin but she can't really tell the good stuff from the average stuff.
I decided to just carry on and hope they really weren't planning on staying long or intruding. So carried on serving the gin to our friends and make polite conversation until they go. Then MIL shoots daggers at FIL who goes and gets a glass and pours MIL some of our gin, I tried explaining that it was a special bottle I'd got for friends but she drank half of that then topped it up again!
I felt so awkward and friend was just baffled.
So mumsnet, aibu to think that MIL shouldn't have just turned up when she knew we had friends over and drank our expensive gin despite being told several times we didn't bloody want her there?!

Oh and last time we were out with different friends we were sat at a bar having drinks and bumped into them, said hello but it was very clear we were with our friends and they were just hanging round like they wanted to join us and trying to look parched so we'd buy them a drink! They make me feel so uncomfortable and I don't know how I'm supposed to make it any clearer that they're not a part of our friendship circles.

And then a mumsnet chorus of "why did you even let her in?!" "She can't respect your boundaries." "How entitled could she be!"

Honestly you must have such thick skin because I'd be beet red for the rest of my life if I'd behaved the way you did!

You are clearly not regarded as the favoured few. It was an appalling thing to do to his family. I can't imagine preferring a friend to a family member, but yanbu at all.

FFS

Oh yes dh has married down in their eyes, but dh himself is also down, in their eyes.

like OP (who has a neck like a jockeys bollox
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP I don't think you're unreasonable. Your PIL sound really rather unkind. I'm not sure I would have your balls and just turn up though. Good on you.

This reminds me of when my DH bought a bottle of wine for his best mate. Best mate has a habit of necking wine, so when DH gave it to best mate he said 'this is a nice wine - not one for necking'. A few months later we're at best mate's house for dinner, we end up talking about different wine types or grape types or something. Best mate says 'Where's that nice wine you bought us - I wonder what grape type that is' - or something along those lines. Wine gets dug out of a cupboard despite best mate's wife trying to put him off. Wine label is looked at and question about grapes (or whatever) is answered. Best mate says "why don't we open this now?". His wife says "no, let's save it for friends". Because we're obviously not .