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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
daisypond · 25/04/2021 08:42

OP has fudged some details. It might not be champagne at all. Whisky, brandy, etc?

Stoic123 · 25/04/2021 08:42

Would never occur to me not to offer the same drink to everyone present- invited or not.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/04/2021 08:42

I actually feel sorry for your ILs. Imagine having friends over who you probably haven't seen in ages, going to the effort of making a lovely meal and getting something special to drink, no doubt having a wonderful night...all for your son and his wife to drop in and ruin the night by getting passive aggressive about champagne and 'making eyes' across the room at each other. Terrible behaviour

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/04/2021 08:43

@AbsolutelyPatsy

but why were they drinking champagne after a meal?
God who cares. Silly rules about when you can have certain drinks are for unimaginative people. If you want champagne just have some
Pebbledashery · 25/04/2021 08:43

Ah this thread is still up.. I thought by the time i woke up it'd be taken down 😆

GappyValley · 25/04/2021 08:44

@FortunesFave

Eh? If I bought a £100 bottle of Dom and my kid ‘popped’ in, I’d be saying “see ya later sonny, come back in the morning in the morning for a cuppa you fucking chancer”

Well that's fucking weird! I had a neighbour and once she bought herself some chips and fish from the chippy and I said to her and her 4 year old "Oh that's nice for your tea!" (they'd showed me what they'd bought as they passed my door on the way home) and my neighbour said "NO! These are mine! She's had her tea at nursery!

And I thought fucking hell. She's going to scoff that and not give her kid any! So mean.

It’s not mean to not want your toddler to be obese by eating a second meal, or growing up thinking they are entitled to a share of every meal eaten around them.

What sort of weird relationship do you have with food that chips are some kind of special food that have to be shared with everyone?

nettie434 · 25/04/2021 08:47

@MiddleParking

Also, the Covid police on these threads are so utterly tedious and whiny. You’ve got eight weeks to find a whole new personality, better get cracking.
I don't think it was so much people being the covid police so much as wondering if it explained why the poster and her DH weren't invited to the meal in the first place. As it is, if the OP's parents in law are having overnight guests and have had three households to dinner, then sticking strictly to covid guidance doesn't seem to have played a part in their reaction.

KnittedJimmyChoos, I understand if your DH feels upset that his sister is treated differently. I can see why he might have wanted to see Peter (although I feel sorry for Jane who clearly decided that bed was preferable to sitting around with your FIL). However, turning up when you knew you weren't invited isn't very polite and is presumably part of the biblical back story.

However, I still voted YANBU because I think that your FIL should have behaved as a polite host and offered you a glass of champagne without being asked.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 25/04/2021 08:50

If the sole reason you went was because your DH wanted to to see the family friends why didn't he ring to ask if it was ok.
"Hello parents, I hear (family friends), are visiting. Would it be ok if I pop in later just to say "hi". I know you will be having a meal with them so I won't disturb you until after"
Why did you need to go seeing as you clearly don't think much of them? As for "mother of their only GC" comment, well that attitude will come crashing down if SiL ever has a child. You sound like a Queen Bee, no wonder they did not want you there.

BadMotherLover · 25/04/2021 08:50

YANBU
This is weird behaviour from FIL. I think there are a few other things going on here that you are not disclosing or that FIL is not disclosing. Inviting SIL but not your DH is weird even with COVID.
Drinking Champagne after the meal is a bit odd, did Peter bring it as a gift? FIL chilled it for later and then his 'thirsty' DIL turned up and ruined the whole evening....
YANBU

NeverTalksToStrangers · 25/04/2021 08:51

Do SIL and her DH want children? Maybe you acting like you deserve the finest of everything because you popped out some kids is grating.

Champagne has to be chilled. Your FIL wanted to give his friend a half/full bottle. There might not have been enough for you. Why didn't you call over earlier and demand some of his steak?

Burmilla · 25/04/2021 08:52

Seems like bad manners on both sides.

Rupertbeartrousers · 25/04/2021 08:52

Are you Bridget Jones....?

daisypond · 25/04/2021 08:55

The drink was probably not champagne at all. OP is using that as an example.

ssd · 25/04/2021 09:01

You sound very young and entitled op

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2021 09:02

I have the type of relationship with my family where I can pop round unannounced and am welcome to what they have in the house and vice versa

However if I knew dm was entertaining I wouldn’t of gone round if unknowingly popped round when had guests I would of said a quick hello and left not expecting to share the drinks

No idea what the back story is or why dh not invited but they didn’t offer you drinks be it the finest champagne or a cup of tea because they didn’t want you to stay as they were hosting something you were invited to

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 09:02

If we had been invited, should fil offer us the good stuff or would it still be normal to hold that back? I don't think he /they would ever offer dh any of their more expensive drinks and certainly not me.
Reading this has however really put into perspective how little pils like us unfortunately.
They are quite specific when they want us around and its mostly soley driven by dc.

OP posts:
Lanique · 25/04/2021 09:02

I posted much earlier that the drink probably isn't Champagne and more likely to be scotch or brandy.

This actually puts a very different spin on the situation. The former is a celebratory type of drink that is very much for sharing, whereas the latter is very much a 'settling down for a good intimate chinwag into the early hours man to man' type drink. Not only was fil surprised that his dil would want such a drink but he also knew full well that by including her she too would be settling down into the early hours for man to man talk and quite frankly she wasn't welcome.

I know that sounds a bit sexist - truth is it is a bit - but kind of explains his obvious reluctance, I think.

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2021 09:02

Weren’t invited to that should be

HeeHawSeeSaw · 25/04/2021 09:03

I think it's a bit rude not to offer you and dh champagne, but then you weren't invited so weren't counted for food and drinks. Therefore, I think it's even ruder to gatecrash, and then start making eyes at your poor dh for a glass of champagne and then the pair of you to start taking their drinks.

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 09:06

@KnittedJimmychoos

If we had been invited, should fil offer us the good stuff or would it still be normal to hold that back? I don't think he /they would ever offer dh any of their more expensive drinks and certainly not me. Reading this has however really put into perspective how little pils like us unfortunately. They are quite specific when they want us around and its mostly soley driven by dc.
If you had been invited obviously he should have included you in the drinks. But if you had been invited you should also have taken a bottle of fizz or something similar with you, which it sounds like you didn’t. Basically if my grandmother had wheels she’d be a bicycle.

Also, it doesn’t sound like you like them either!

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2021 09:08

I don’t think it’s about them not liking you if I go to dm for a meal it’s served on the every plate and a normal bottle of wine or soft drink if she’s has guests she would probably get the posh dinner set out and probably spend more on the wine. I don’t see it as her not liking me or treating me as a lower class citizen at all

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 09:09

Lanique, actually pils are more a glass or two and then stop type people, so definitely no late night "man on man" chats Grin

It wrapped up quite early, they don't do tipsy chatting into the wee hours it's a crisper experience.

OP posts:
GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 09:11

If we had been invited, should fil offer us the good stuff or would it still be normal to hold that back? I don't think he /they would ever offer dh any of their more expensive drinks and certainly not me.

Given that nobody knows the backstory, or exactly what happened last night, what with all the ‘fudging’, it’s impossible to conjecture how they would have treated you had you been invited 🤷‍♀️

daisypond · 25/04/2021 09:13

@KnittedJimmychoos

If we had been invited, should fil offer us the good stuff or would it still be normal to hold that back? I don't think he /they would ever offer dh any of their more expensive drinks and certainly not me. Reading this has however really put into perspective how little pils like us unfortunately. They are quite specific when they want us around and its mostly soley driven by dc.
It depends. It’s possible that people keep back special stuff for special occasions, which this was. That’s normal. You do come over as being obsessed by the price/quality/amount of the drink. I think that’s odd. I wouldn’t know or care. It may be that they think you drink too much/behave badly when drunk/are embarrassing. That may not be the case at all.
Doghead · 25/04/2021 09:14

"the mother of his only grandchildren"

I actually can't believe you posted that! Being the mother of someone's grandchildren doesn't automatically elevate you to something special. You sound hard work tbh.