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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:

BakedTattie · 25/04/2021 08:16

@FortunesFave

Eh? If I bought a £100 bottle of Dom and my kid ‘popped’ in, I’d be saying “see ya later sonny, come back in the morning in the morning for a cuppa you fucking chancer”

Well that's fucking weird! I had a neighbour and once she bought herself some chips and fish from the chippy and I said to her and her 4 year old "Oh that's nice for your tea!" (they'd showed me what they'd bought as they passed my door on the way home) and my neighbour said "NO! These are mine! She's had her tea at nursery!

And I thought fucking hell. She's going to scoff that and not give her kid any! So mean.

Bit of a difference between a glass of champagne and not feeding your child. No?

FizzyApricot · 25/04/2021 08:17

@FortunesFave

Eh? If I bought a £100 bottle of Dom and my kid ‘popped’ in, I’d be saying “see ya later sonny, come back in the morning in the morning for a cuppa you fucking chancer”

And I thought fucking hell. She's going to scoff that and not give her kid any! So mean.

Maybe she thought you'd judge her giving her kid greasy fish and chips for tea and was trying to explain she'd had a healthier tea.

AlwaysLatte · 25/04/2021 08:19

Maybe the bottle was to toast a particular celebration with the friends, and perhaps they were annoyed you turned up when they were entertaining so didn't want to you to stay.

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 08:20

I don’t give my kid tea if she’s had it at nursery. She’d be up all night. I also wouldn’t snap at the neighbour or indeed ‘show them what I’ve bought’ from the chippy though.

CharityDingle · 25/04/2021 08:21

@HepLaurenceLB

Maybe he had spiked the bottle with poison and was trying to kill his friend. If that was the case then your FIL saved your life which was very sweet.

AlwaysLatte · 25/04/2021 08:21

I think not offering champagne was your FIL's way of hinting that you had outstayed your welcome and were not expeected to stick around. You should have picked up on that. YABU
I see it this way too.

Sparkletastic · 25/04/2021 08:21

FIL was inhospitable not to have offered you a glass of champagne but it rather sounds like they didn't want you there. Hurtful for DH but probably best to stay away in future.

HappydaysArehere · 25/04/2021 08:23

I would not have asked or indicated that I wanted or expected champagne in that situation and waited to be offered some. As said before you had. arrived unexpectedly so if this was a special bottle then your arrival would have reduced the amount he could offer their friends. There are not many glasses in a bottle and not only were you given half a glass but expected more. Also your fil should have been the one pouring it out and not your dh.

Binswangers · 25/04/2021 08:24

Yes it was a bit rude of your FIL but you said you were not that keen on the drink. He seems to know that you are not that interested in it and this is clearly an expensive bottle. He feels familiar enough with you to express his feelings. I really wouldn't sweat the small stuff. Your comment about being the mother of his only grandchild made me laugh.

diddl · 25/04/2021 08:27

Why did you go Op?

If your husband was so desperate to see these people that he doesn't know well enough to contact without his parents, why didn't he just pop there by himself?

SelkieIntegrated · 25/04/2021 08:27

Surprised by all the comments on p1 anyway suggesting it's fine to offer some guests champagne and hold back on offering it to other people present.

I'd never do that! But funnily enough I can imagine my parents doing it to me A lot of parents never see their own children as proper adults worthy of being treated like adults.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 08:27

@Ilovedthe70s

Apologies if this has been explained and I missed it, I am fairly new here so don’t know if it is a regular phrase, what is a”biblical back story “ please

Presumably it’s either a tale of epic proportions, or it involves locusts. Or both. 🤷‍♀️

Womencanlift · 25/04/2021 08:28

AIBU?

We had friends over from abroad that we haven’t seen for a few years. Looking forward to catching up. My friends had bought us a gift for having us over - it was a bottle of really nice champagne that reminded of us of a holiday we went on together years ago. Very grateful as it was a super expensive one but they insisted on getting it chilled so we could enjoy it together after our meal.

We are just about to start drinking the champagne when my PIL appeared. Internally I rolled my eyes as I had a feeling this might happen even though my DH had said to his mum that they were our friends who we wanted to spend time with (for context my PIL lived with us for a year so they also knew these friends).

I definitely knew what was about to happen next.

And I was right.... MIL (who has be known to have more than a few drinks once she gets settled) kept making hints to FIL to pour her a glass of the champagne. DH and I are not snobs but that is really good champagne that I know she won’t appreciate and most importantly it was a gift to us from our friends! If I wasn’t annoyed at them just turning up I would have offered her something else but this was supposed to be a catch up between friends and I really didn’t want my PIL there as it would have changed the tone of the evening. So I thought by not offering they would get the hint and leave

In normal times I would have happily have them join us but our friends are only here for a short time and we really wanted to catch up.

Apparently my MIL thinks she has a god given right to anything we have because, wait for it, “her fanny got battered having DH”!!!!

So MN who was be unreasonable, my MIL for not only joining our catch up with our friends uninvited but taking some of our gift without being asked or me for not sharing?

Lanique · 25/04/2021 08:29

Ah thank you @GlassBoxSpectacular You've been paying more attention than me!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/04/2021 08:29

@HepLaurenceLB

Maybe he had spiked the bottle with poison and was trying to kill his friend. If that was the case then your FIL saved your life which was very sweet.

😂😂😂

slashlover · 25/04/2021 08:30

@MiddleParking

Me and my siblings/our partners are pretty much welcome 24/7 at my parents, and they’re welcome to the same extent at my house. But as a fully grown adult adult who sees my parents as adults I wouldn’t dream of turning up without invitation when they were hosting friends, and I find it really weird that some people have said it’s rude not to welcome your son and DIL at any time, including when you’re entertaining. Do those people also think that the reverse applies and that we should all welcome our parents and in laws dropping in when we have friends round? No fucking thanks if so

This.

I'm welcome at my parents house any time BUT if I knew my mum had some of her friends round then I wouldn't go. Me turning up to a group who have known each other since before I was born would completely change the dynamic.

Similarly, if I'm having my friends round for a drink then my 70 year old mum coming would seriously change what we could talk about and do. My mum/friends mums do sometimes go out with us but it's a COMPLETELY different type of night.

CrazyTitsLiz · 25/04/2021 08:30

Personally, I don't think this is about FIL deeming you as not good enough for his champagne, but rather him not offering you any because he didn't want you to stay.

CovidCorvid · 25/04/2021 08:34

I have adult kids. My Dd likes some of my friends and will sometimes try to tag along when I meet for lunch. Sometimes I invite her and sometimes I don’t want her there. I want to see my friends. I wouldn’t expect to hang out with her and her mates. I don’t think it’s bad that your FIL wanted to see his friends without you being there.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/04/2021 08:38

I imagine that having your children at a night with friends changes the dynamic - wether they are children or adults! How very rude of you and your DH to barge your way in to their evening and demand to drink their fancy champagne

AbsolutelyPatsy · 25/04/2021 08:39

i think you were rude to turn up afterwards and expect champagne

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 08:39

Surprised this is still going. Op you and your husband were fully aware you were not welcome. For whatever reason your in laws didn’t wish you there and you both knew it. You went against their wishes snd turned up anyway.

This is rude and not ok. There’s a reason they didn’t want you there. And I suspect you know what it is but don’t want to say. To then sit down and start making eyes at the bottle is also very rude.

You say your husband isn’t that friendly with this man, can’t contact him independently but really wanted to see him. So there’s a reason for that. Again unspoken, you don’t desperately want to see someone you are not that friendly with. I’m guessing your husband wanted something from him? And whatever it was your in laws didn’t want him to use this occassion to get it?

AbsolutelyPatsy · 25/04/2021 08:39

but why were they drinking champagne after a meal?

CovidCorvid · 25/04/2021 08:40

@AbsolutelyPatsy

but why were they drinking champagne after a meal?

I thought this! 😄. Surely champagne is a pre meal drink?

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 08:41

@AbsolutelyPatsy

but why were they drinking champagne after a meal?

Agree it’s normally done before or they hAve been drinking it throughout.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 08:41

@AbsolutelyPatsy

but why were they drinking champagne after a meal?

I’m pretty sure you can drink champagne at any time, if you fancy it?

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