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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
alloverthecarpetagain · 25/04/2021 07:57

I'm cringing so much reading this.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 25/04/2021 07:58

I haven’t read the full thread, but it does sound like the relationship between you/your DH and your in laws is in a bad way.

I can understand your DH being hurt about being left out and missing the chance to see these family friends. If you were deliberately gatecrashing though, ‘just to catch up’ then I think the polite thing would have been to ignore/avoid the champagne unless it was offered. I agree that it is sad it wasn’t offered but no one comes out of this looking good.

katiedidnt · 25/04/2021 07:58

@daisypond

The bigger issue in this is your DH not being invited when his sister was. That suggests an odd family dynamic.

It suggests only that they were sticking to covid rules of six people.

I haven't commented on the Covid implications as the OP has admitted to changing details, but if they did break the restrictions, it would have put the invited guests in a really awkward position. If I had been one of the guests, I certainly wouldn't have returned in a hurry, because I would have lost confidence in the hosts to ensure rules were being followed at any future gathering.
SuperSange · 25/04/2021 07:59

@KnittedJimmychoos

I wonder what Prince Charles would do if he had opened some special bottle and William Kate happened to be passing.. Would he share or offer them something else.
I think what would happen is, W and K wouldn't just rock up uninvited because it's rude. Confused
ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 25/04/2021 07:59

You weren’t excluded as such if household mixing numbers were still in place?

I think it is so odd you both gatecrashed a do you weren’t invited to Confused

Sometimes you aren’t invited to things. Even with family.

BadgerHat · 25/04/2021 08:01

I am on your side here OP. (Well, except for the grandchild comment. As someone who has lost the battle with infertility that did grate on me somewhat).

But, I cannot fathom any situation where a child turning up at their parents' house would be met with anything but open arms. It wouldn't matter if they were entertaining the Queen!

People are obviously different when it comes to generosity, but I think not making you feel welcome was horrible, and not offering you a glass automatically was rude, tight and mean.
I honestly would never do this to anybody who dropped in, nor would anybody in my family. It's bizarre.

I appreciate that this probably means I have been very lucky in life, to have the family I have, and that is what you need to take out of this.

His family actually sound a lot like my ex-H's who were very wealthy but incredibly emotionally repressed; so much so that his dad would only ever his son a handshake. It would have been unthinkable for us to wander into the kitchen and make ourselves a drink in their house - we had to sit in the formal lounge and only exchange smalltalk in every visit. It was painful.

It put me off trying to be wealthy for the rest of my life. Give me relaxed gatherings and Tesco's own champagne any day 😁

Shoxfordian · 25/04/2021 08:02

Your fil was rude not to offer you a glass of champagne when he was offering everyone else one. It sounds like he isn’t a good host but then you probably shouldn’t have just showed up when you weren’t invited

Springsnake · 25/04/2021 08:03

They made it clear you weren’t welcome ,yet you turned up anyway .
You were rude

rainbowandglitter · 25/04/2021 08:04

Missing point of thread but how are sil and her dp bubbled with your pils? None of them are single adults.

jelly79 · 25/04/2021 08:05

OP I originally thought that it was really rude of you FIL and my family works the same as yours! However I think you should of tried to understand why you were being excluded on a separate occasion than just turning up. This seems quite passive aggressive and highlights the fact that you weren't welcome unfortunately.

Next step is you DH to chat to his DF and ask him what's the issue?

HeronLanyon · 25/04/2021 08:06

It sounds as though you were an absolute pita being there when they had intimated they wanted to see Peter and Jane separately. You sound (to me) entitled, not attuned to messages and needing to be centre stage in their lives.

What on earth were you even doing there ?
As you were there the champagne should have been shared.
If I were your fil and mil I’d be pretty pissed off with your dh primarily and with you for tagging along.

Have some self respect op !
What is a wine cupboard - you mean cellar ?

Ilovedthe70s · 25/04/2021 08:08

Apologies if this has been explained and I missed it, I am fairly new here so don’t know if it is a regular phrase, what is a”biblical back story “ please

HeronLanyon · 25/04/2021 08:08

For me your next step would be to apologise for showing up say you hadn’t realised and that you’ll top up with a bottle of nice champagne. If I were your pil I would not be expecting that but that is for sure what I would do.

CovidCorvid · 25/04/2021 08:09

And yes I agree that the op and her dh not being invited were quite possibly to do with covid rule of 6 which is still a thing for outside. So sounds like there were 6 before op and her dh rocked up. So FIL was probably stressed about that as well.

squiglet111 · 25/04/2021 08:09

Was thinking maybe your fil thinks your a lush and was worried you would finish the bottle quickly?

Have you been to their house previously and drank a lot of wine etc?

But generally I do think it's rude that he didn't offer a drink etc. Next time they visit you, serve them box wine and you and hubby drink fancy champagne! See what they have to say about that!

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 08:09

Me and my siblings/our partners are pretty much welcome 24/7 at my parents, and they’re welcome to the same extent at my house. But as a fully grown adult adult who sees my parents as adults I wouldn’t dream of turning up without invitation when they were hosting friends, and I find it really weird that some people have said it’s rude not to welcome your son and DIL at any time, including when you’re entertaining. Do those people also think that the reverse applies and that we should all welcome our parents and in laws dropping in when we have friends round? No fucking thanks if so Confused

notanothertakeaway · 25/04/2021 08:11

I think not offering champagne was your FIL's way of hinting that you had outstayed your welcome and were not expeected to stick around. You should have picked up on that. YABU

Lanique · 25/04/2021 08:11

I want to know how these guests have managed to turn up from abroad. I thought foreign travel into the UK was banned apart from for strict working reasons 🤔

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 08:12

Also, the Covid police on these threads are so utterly tedious and whiny. You’ve got eight weeks to find a whole new personality, better get cracking.

Myhairnightmare · 25/04/2021 08:13

Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?

This part of the OPs post struck me. 'Coming back' would suggest the OP loves with them? Or at least on their land? Which could explain why OP later stated she couldn't provide details of why it wasn't 'just showing up'.

BakedTattie · 25/04/2021 08:14

@CJsGoldfish

I'm embarrassed for you OP, even more so because you, as "The Mother of the Only Grandchildren" can't, or won't see how out of order you actually were. To crash when you knew full well you weren't invited is really pathetic and then to sit around drinking the bottle they opened to share with their actual guests.... you cannot be so clueless really? Oh, the cringe 🤣
This.
daisypond · 25/04/2021 08:14

@Lanique

I want to know how these guests have managed to turn up from abroad. I thought foreign travel into the UK was banned apart from for strict working reasons 🤔
They didn’t turn up from abroad. Everyone lives in the U.K.
Myhairnightmare · 25/04/2021 08:14

Lives*

BuyYourOwnBBQGlenda · 25/04/2021 08:14

So there was one bottle of nice champagne they'd saved and your in laws, sil and husband and in laws friends? A bottle of champagne only has 6 glasses. Surely that makes it a bit more reasonable. I think you were rude for gate crashing (for all you know maybe the older friends don't like your H very much and he isn't aware?) but I do agree in principle I would always share.

It just sounds like they don't like you very much. Maybe you shouldn't bother hosting them in future.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 08:14

@Lanique

I want to know how these guests have managed to turn up from abroad. I thought foreign travel into the UK was banned apart from for strict working reasons 🤔
They all used to live abroad. Everyone involved lives in the UK now.