Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

[KnittedJimmychoos]

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

Gosh. I think it’s probably just that you’re very common and they don’t like you. You turned up unannounced and uninvited and as you ‘like a drink’ and were ‘making eyes’ at an expensive bottle of champagne, your poor FIL thought he’d better get it down the necks of the intended imbibers before you started swigging from the bottle and trying to sing karaoke on their exquisite terrace.

Seeing as invited guests had left and gone to bed at this point, precisely how late did you turn up unannounced?

Also ‘mother of his only grandchild’ is ghastly. Having sex is not an achievement. Do you have any actual academic achievement? Your grammar is interesting.

If you’d gate crashed one of my soirées I’m afraid I’d have set the dogs on you.

So many unknowns here, though. I’d love to know the full story:

What is this highly outing brand of champagne?
What is the biblical backstory?
How late did you ‘pop in’, given that some of he guests had already gone home/gone to bed?
Why are your SIL & her DH bubbled with your PILs?
Was Jane sleeping in a tent in the garden, seeing as overnight visitors aren’t allowed and everyone involved seems to be sticking to the rules?
How awkward was it when you arrived, given that it had already been made clear to you that you weren’t welcome?

So many illuminating details missing!

This is all so bizarre.

My parents would never have excluded me and my DH in the first place.

Also if there is drink and food going in my parents' house, I would help myself without even asking and vice versa. Mi casa es su casa etc etc.

It sounds weird and so formal. As if you were at the house of strangers or casual acquaintances rather than your DH's own parents.

However, everyone's set up is different. It sounds like they don't even like you.

I actually think YANBU.

You and DH were rude in turning up uninvited and you were horrendously rude in eyeing up the champagne, no matter who saw you. You really come across as incredibly entitled. If you'd been there as invited guests, FIL's behaviour would have been rude but you weren't (in fact, not only were you not invited but your PIL had made it clear the evening did not involve you) and regardless of your insistence that this fact is irrelevant, it really isn't. You were 100% in the wrong and 100% entitled.

Was everyone really sitting outdoors so late at night that other people had gone to bed?

I can't imagine ever being a situation whereby if my son and his partner turned up I wouldn't be thrilled. My son and partner would be welcomed in, join in any activity/meal/tv watching and offered drinks and food. My son also feels comfortable enough that if I was busy he'd be able to put the kettle on/pour himself a drink.

Your FIL sounds incredibly rude unless there is a big backstory that you are not telling us where you and/or your dh have behaved appallingly and are not welcome in their house?

Your FIL sounds incredibly rude unless there is a big backstory that you are not telling us where you and/or your dh have behaved appallingly and are not welcome in their house?

Apparently there’s a “biblical backstory”, but unfortunately the OP won’t elucidate.

I'm sorry but you sound like a bit of a nightmare. You were not invited to the dinner so why should they get you a glass of the champagne that was part of the meal. Have a word with yourself.

Um there was actually a rule break I think and I'm really not the person to usually point this out. It's 2 house holds and up to 6 people which is maybe why you weren't invited as you said Sil and her DH are in the PIL bubble. Without you and DH there, the rules were being followed. Maybe Peter and Jane are quite hot on the rules and you put FIL in a really awkward position by just turning up?

Eh? If I bought a £100 bottle of Dom and my kid ‘popped’ in, I’d be saying “see ya later sonny, come back in the morning in the morning for a cuppa you fucking chancer”

Well that's fucking weird! I had a neighbour and once she bought herself some chips and fish from the chippy and I said to her and her 4 year old "Oh that's nice for your tea!" (they'd showed me what they'd bought as they passed my door on the way home) and my neighbour said "NO! These are mine! She's had her tea at nursery!

And I thought fucking hell. She's going to scoff that and not give her kid any! So mean.

@DifferentHair

AIBU?

I had been looking forward to a catch up with old friends I hadn't seen in years. Back in the day we had so much fun overseas together and I couldn't wait to reminisce with them.

We're all interested in wine and appreciate the finer drops. I found a fabulous bottle and thought, 'hang the expense, it's a special catch up between old friends!'

My son and DiL as usual tried to invite themselves, but we clearly told them it was a catch up between old friends and they would have to sit this one out.

The friends came, dinner was great. I brought out the special champagne and we were just about to pop it when there was a knock at the door. In walked my son and DiL 'just stopping to say hello'.

Yet lo and behold they settled themselves down at the dinning table and DiL immediately started staring pointedly back and forth between the champagne, my son and the cupboards where the glasses are kept.

Now a bottle of champagne has what, 8 glasses at most? There were 4 of us and I wasn't interested in donating my second glass to my CF DiL.

I dropped what I thought was a clear hint to my son 'aren't you driving? Best be going'. Son seemed to catch on and poured half a glass. I hurried to fill up my guests glasses so that they could enjoy as much as possible before it was guzzled by Son and DiL. DiL was paying close attention to where the champagne was going and insisted her glass be filled to the brim.

Eventually I decided to be clear and told them this was a special occasion and a special bottle.

They thankfully read the room at that point and left in a huff.

It was incredibly awkward for our guests and took the buzz from the room for a while.

Now I hear that DiL is in a strop.

AIBU here? Does having my grandchildren entitle this woman to swan in and demand a share of all our nice things?

This!

@KnittedJimmychoos

Dh and his family used to live over seas. This friend Peter and Jane did as well but they all live in the UK now. However they had not seen these friends for a long time, Mil did a meal for them sil and her dh were invited but it was made clear ish we were not welcome. Ie lots of hints about us being busy with the dc etc But dh really wanted to also see this family friend so we dropped in later..

Yeah, you lost me at this. You weren't invited but decided to go anyway. Doesn't matter whether he likes you or not. You weren't invited and turned up anyway. I'd have told you to leave the minute you turned up, whether I liked you or not.

Sorry but I agree I think you were quite rude. I think it’s understandable that non family member guests are seen as a higher priority when hosting and maybe your FIL only had the one bottle so wanted to save it for the friends. Sounds like they weren’t expecting you but you kind of turned up anyway. He was probably worried you were going to glug it all and there not be enough left to offer friends a second glass. You were rude to make eyes about it when you weren’t offered any and rude and obtuse to not take up his hints that FIL really didn’t want you drinking it.

Meh, you're all rude and insufferable. If not being served the finest champagne is the height of rudeness for you I'd say you've lived a pretty charmed life. FWP.

@KnittedJimmychoos - you said it yourself - it was made clear you weren't welcome

I caught dh eye and "made eyes" to the bottle as no moves had been made to get me or indeed dh a drink

Setting aside whether or not your FiL was being inhospitable your behaviour as you describe it was just vulgar.

The bigger issue in this is your DH not being invited when his sister was. That suggests an odd family dynamic. But eyeing the champagne in the way you did was bad manners.

@KnittedJimmychoos

Majestically I missed your comment.

Do I expect them to build a shrine to my fanny, no, but I do think some respect would be nice...the fanny and body did take some battering to produce the gc m

Unless you produced a child solely for their pleasure and at their request I don't know why you think they owe you any respect for it.

And your dh was really rude getting up and getting a glass and serving you. It’s not his house and not his champagne. Would you behave like this at a friend’s house?

If you and your DH are so lacking in social awareness, it's not hard to see why SIL is the favoured one.

When someone describes themselves as "I like a drink".....
Hmmmmm

@Ginandplatonic

People are bringing in lots of extraneous issues here, but the bottom line is surely that, whether the ILS were unreasonable not to invite OP and DH or not, whether OP was unreasonable to turn up uninvited or not, once someone is seated in your house anyone with an ounce of manners and class would treat them the same as everyone else in the room - drinks offered to everyone or no one. Anything else is rude, regardless of circumstance.

All of this.

The correct thing would have been for FIL to offer and for OP to decline.

The bigger issue in this is your DH not being invited when his sister was. That suggests an odd family dynamic.

It suggests only that they were sticking to covid rules of six people.

YABVU and you were very, very rude.

It doesn’t matter if DH really wanted to see this family friend, you weren’t invited and it was rude of you to just turn up because you were passing

You weren’t offered the champagne because you were invited, and it was rude of you to “make eyes” at your DH over it and it was rude of him to help himself.

Basically you were both very, very rude all night and need to get some manners.

It's difficult to comment because you've changed random details, but...

I get the distinct impression you gatecrashed. PILs had planned a lovely evening with their friends, which you and DH interrupted because DH felt entitled to see PIL's friends. (Couldn't he have organised his own get together? If they were his friends and not just his parents' friends, couldn't you have hosted your own little party on another night?)

FIL had planned to serve a bottle of something special to his friends - possibly his friends' favourite tipple, maybe something they can't easily get hold of themselves. You decided you should have some too - it's not clear whether you wanted some because you really like that drink too, or because you were just put out at being excluded.

I'm afraid you came across as the rude ones, and that's with hearing your side of the story (which will be inevitably biased) and not your PILs' version!

FIL's excuse about driving was clearly a polite get out for you to say 'actually, it's a bit of a drive back and we need to stop for petrol, so we only popped in to say hello and should probably set off soon, but it's been lovely to catch up with Peter and Jane.'

I think there is a backstory here, and that it's clouding your judgement.

Parents are entitled to have their own social time without their adult children (or children in law) attending. Basically, they're allowed their own lives, and it's rude to ignore those boundaries.

If I popped around and it transpired that my parents were entertaining, I would spend 5 minutes making small talk with their friends then leave immediately, probably grabbing a random book or something to make clear to the guests that I had fulfilled the purpose of my visit and no one had been inconvenienced by my sudden departure. I wouldn't stay and force myself on the gathering.

Your FIL may be rich but clearly has no class . He should have offered you both a drink and never flinched like the perfect host.