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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
Thamigumathacharaid · 25/04/2021 05:44

I think the champagne is quite a minor point. I think it's more the fact that they turned up unannounced when they'd been told not to (albeit indirectly), the OP had been "eyeing up" the champagne and she states herself that she "likes a drink (codeword for being a drunk). I think if everything was normally fine it wouldn't be an issue but it does seem like there's quite a back story here of probable band behaviour on the part of the OP.

SpeakingFranglais · 25/04/2021 06:00

I thinks it’s rude too, but sounds like a backstory.

AuntLucy · 25/04/2021 06:03

This must have been a very big bottle of champagne to serve six glasses for the original guests, a seventh for OP, then top ups for all of them. The standard 750ml bottles I buy will do four generously filled flutes or six stingily-filled ones, and not a drip more!

custardbear · 25/04/2021 06:23

It may have been a subtle indicator for you to go to be honest - I'd be a bit fed up if family dropped in to visit someone I was half way through entertaining

OnlyInYourDreams · 25/04/2021 06:24

Firstly, you said they were outside so not breaking the rules, and inviting you as well as sil would have broken the rule of six so fairly obvious why you weren’t invited.

Secondly, you said your DH doesn’t particularly like Champagne and this was a decent bottle so why should it be ok for him to drink it just because it’s there?

My mum likes nice champagne and has been given a couple of bottles over the years. I’d rather mix it with orange juice or drink Prosecco. There is no way she’d waste that kind of champagne on me by mixing it with orange juice when the cheap stuff will suffice.

Palaver1 · 25/04/2021 06:32

It’s not everything that you see,that you must get.
You allowed your FIL to put you in that position.
Champagne is normally seen as a celebratory drink.
I for one think it’s overrated,
You were not invited don’t let this damage your relationship.
Move on.

Your FIL was rude.

KatherineJaneway · 25/04/2021 06:35

What's a "really nice" bottle of champagne, out of interest?

I suspect you were both unwelcome drop ins as you hadn't been invited and it was made clear you should not be there by all the prior hints. Not giving you a drink was a hint to buzz off.

SeaTurtles92 · 25/04/2021 06:44

The mother of his only grandchildren??

What a ridiculous comment.

You sound entitled and grabby. Just because he has something doesn't mean he has to share. And the fact you made eyes at your DH. Your poor DH. Get your own glass if you want one or better yet bring your own bottle.

Honestly, you're a nightmare.

SeaTurtles92 · 25/04/2021 06:44

Also your parents income and theirs have nothing to do with what you're saying. Get a grip, oh and some of your own champagne.

OverTheRainbow88 · 25/04/2021 06:48

Doesn’t sound like any covid rules were followed either. Mil, fil peter jame sil OH you and partner... any others?

custardbear · 25/04/2021 06:50

I'd also say it sounds like they waited til SIL and bar DH left before getting the good stuff out so wasn't planning on sharing

OverTheRainbow88 · 25/04/2021 06:50

It's open area, part covered, conservatory that opens out with those awning structure, no rules broken at all.

Maybe they didn’t invite you two as wanted to follow the rule of 6?

ZenNudist · 25/04/2021 06:52

Oh accidentally clicked YANBU because I thought you'd been invited. I can't believe you dropped in on their meal and started guzzling their champagne. How embarrassing.

Waiting to be offered is key here, not helping yourself like some kind of barbarian!

SteelMack · 25/04/2021 06:53

This thread is hilarious!

Sciurus83 · 25/04/2021 06:55

Hmm. No one serves nice champagne after dinner when some of the party have gone to bed do they? It was more likely whisky or some such. I think this matters as champage/wine is a sharing drink you might finish quickly and be on your way, but settling in for a whisky means you're there for a while, especially if you insisted it was topped up to a big one. And you weren't invited! Your DH isn't that close to these people or he would have either been invited or made own plans. I think you were annoyed at the snub (which could easily have been due to some covid nervousness and friends not wanting to see so many people socially), turned up knowing it would be awkward, insisted on staying and then made it about the drink to try and make out it was FIL being rude not you. It must've been quite late when you arrived so a surprise, an annoying surprise. FIL hasn't seen his pal for years, just settled into the real talk one to one to catch up after dinner over a much anticipated drink. And up you rock with a bit of an attitude on despite being told not to come and mrs I like a drink and FIL is probably thinking oh great there goes my special time to talk with my pal I've not seen in years. Surely you know that even with people you like very much it's polite to let people have time together without a big group to catch up, especially at the moment. You were tone deaf! If DH really wanted to casually drop by a coffee in the morning is much less intrusive. This isn't about the drink, it's you!

ZenNudist · 25/04/2021 07:05

Just heartily enjoyed the rest of OPs posts. I'm loving:

  • deserving of champagne as mother of grandchildren
  • not just accidentally dropped in but knew they weren't invited and steamed in anyway
  • oblivious to rule of 6
  • making eyes at the fizz (comedy gold)
  • endless references to how no one in OPs family would act like this. It's possible youve been brought up by people with no manners.
  • Let's not forget "likes a drink"

This has the makings of a sitcom

CarlottaValdez · 25/04/2021 07:07

It’s obviously very rude to open a bottle and not offer it to everyone. FIL was rude to do this.

It’s also pretty thoughtless to show up uninvited if you knew they were trying to stick to the covid rules. It’s weird that you’ve not seen anyone/completely stuck to the rules then suddenly disregarded them here.

To be honest though I think people are inferring quite a lot about you from the cringe mother of their only grandchildren comment and that’s why this thread went so against you. Normally MN love an excuse to get a boot in against in laws.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 07:08

I think I’ve got this sussed: your SIL and her DH has already left, so clearly this was late-ish (seeing as SIL hasn’t had the good grace to produce a grandchild for PIL from her non-battered fanny so no kids/babysitter to get back for).

Jane hadn’t gone to bed: she’d gone upstairs to change her outfit and when you unexpectedly arrived she couldn’t come down as she was wearing Perspex platform stripper boots and a peephole bra.

The ‘really good champagne’ was to loosen everyone up and get the party started.

Your PILs are swingers. And you cockblocked them.

AnyOldPrion · 25/04/2021 07:14

I always find Mumsnet manners threads interesting. Manners would dictate that however rude OP was being, FIL should still be unfailingly polite in return. So if the question is “Was FIL rude” then the answer should really be a definitive “yes”. Course it’s rude to drink something in front of a guest, even if uninvited, without offering some.

That said, there’s obviously a massive backstory we haven’t heard and it looks like there’s some bad feeling and history between all parties that means it’s impossible to judge who’s right and who’s wrong.

It’s interesting that on Mumsnet, the impoliteness of one party is used as justification for the other party to be rude in return, which isn’t at all what manners were about traditionally. Clearly I’ve been indoctrinated by too much Jane Austen, who understood that the genuinely polite were well-mannered, even to those who didn’t deserve it.

mummabubs · 25/04/2021 07:15

Assuming this is real and the main headlines aren't part of the detail fudging... I feel mortified reading it OP by the sheer lack of respect and insight on your part! So you weren't invited but showed up anyway, then champagne comes out (presumably as this was a special occasion given that they hadn't seen their friends in a long time and had probably been saving that bottle for the an occasion), none is offered so you decide to help yourself and then top, it up!! The only people being seriously rude here are you and DH! My SiL once announced that she and her small children were en route to see us (uninvited) just after I'd given birth and was in no shape to have loads of visitors at all and I thought that was pretty off but you're behaviour feels worse! Huggeeee YABU 🤦🏻‍♀️

TriggersBroom · 25/04/2021 07:18

Is this a reverse?

cookiecreampie · 25/04/2021 07:21

I think it's rude to serve someone a drink when there's someone else sitting there who hasn't got one. Maybe he was saving this champagne for the friend if it was so special, but he should have given the friend something else until after you had left and given you a drink of that. Is it possible the friend brought the champagne and that's why he was panicky about you drinking it?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/04/2021 07:23

@KnittedJimmychoos

Dh and his family used to live over seas. This friend Peter and Jane did as well but they all live in the UK now. However they had not seen these friends for a long time, Mil did a meal for them sil and her dh were invited but it was made clear ish we were not welcome. Ie lots of hints about us being busy with the dc etc But dh really wanted to also see this family friend so we dropped in later..
However they had not seen these friends for a long time, Mil did a meal for them sil and her dh were invited but it was made clear ish we were not welcome.

And yet you turned up anyway . . . . Hmm

YOU are the ones being bad-mannered.

For whatever reasons your in-laws wanted an evening with their friends. That is their right. But you gate-crashed. And you drank a champagne you didn't really want and don't particularly enjoy just to make a point.

You're twats.

PurBal · 25/04/2021 07:27

The issue here is that you weren't invited... DH and I both enjoy nice wine but we are very careful about who we share it with, my dad likes a drink but doesn't really care what it is beyond "red". We have the quaffing wine for day to day (under £10), and spend up to £20 for when we have guests. Our sparkling wine of choice, that we always have in the house, is only £40 a bottle but even though we stay stocked up I wouldn't open it for my SIL as she would be as happy or happier with a £12 bottle of prosecco. I know this is snobby, but a bottle doesn't go very far. If I'd spent £££ on a bottle for 4 people I'd be pissed that 2 people turned up uninvited meaning less for everyone including me, who paid for it! DH and I spent a few hundred on caviar and champagne for my birthday, no way was that for general consumption, it was a treat for us.

FizzyApricot · 25/04/2021 07:29

Are the fudged details that it was a box of after eights and not champagne? Maybe then your FIL is possibly being slightly unreasonable.

You mention a backstory, maybe they just don't like you. If they don't then this is ok, even if you have birthed their only grandchild they don't owe you after eights/champagne.

I think you need to accept their family dynamic is different and stop making eyes at your husband for things it's worse than just asking for a drink/mint.