Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 00:38

the fanny and body did take some battering to produce the gc m

Did you happen to casually mention this? You might want to work on your dinner party banter if you want an invitation to the next one plus a glass of the good stuff.

LaMarschallin · 25/04/2021 00:39

GlassBoxSpectacular

KnittedJimmychoos

I wonder what Prince Charles would do if he had opened some special bottle and William Kate happened to be passing.. Would he share or offer them something else.

I’m not getting the relevance of Prince Charles to the story confused

Quite.
It's not as if Kate has produced his only grandchildren, is it?

OP, maybe it would have helped if you'd described the battering your fanny had taken, just to extend his family unto the next generation?

GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 00:41

@KnittedJimmychoos

Bus that is my family values, and also fhb, however poor dh feels like a formal and usually unwanted guest in his family home.
I’d guess he’d be best off discussing that directly with his parents himself, as given that no one here knows the family dynamic or biblical backstory, we can’t know if there’s a valid reason why tonight panned out as it did 🤷‍♀️
LaMarschallin · 25/04/2021 00:42

KnittedJimmychoos

Lamarshallin do construct it, I'm happy to laugh about this incidentand I find that genuinely amusing. grin

Your "genuine amusement" isn't really coming across.

You sound mightily offended.

LaMarschallin · 25/04/2021 00:43

GlassBoxSpectacular

Oops! X-post Smile

CounsellorTroi · 25/04/2021 00:43

@KnittedJimmychoos

Majestically I missed your comment.

Do I expect them to build a shrine to my fanny, no, but I do think some respect would be nice...the fanny and body did take some battering to produce the gc m

Yes but you didn't actually do it just for them did you?
slashlover · 25/04/2021 00:45

@KnittedJimmychoos

Bus that is my family values, and also fhb, however poor dh feels like a formal and usually unwanted guest in his family home.
Would your DH wait for an invite to go to your parents because that's his family values? Or do only your family values matter?
Ginandplatonic · 25/04/2021 00:45

People are bringing in lots of extraneous issues here, but the bottom line is surely that, whether the ILS were unreasonable not to invite OP and DH or not, whether OP was unreasonable to turn up uninvited or not, once someone is seated in your house anyone with an ounce of manners and class would treat them the same as everyone else in the room - drinks offered to everyone or no one. Anything else is rude, regardless of circumstance.

Sunbeam18 · 25/04/2021 00:47

You say they don't have a 'valid reason' not to invite you. They don't need one - its their home and they didn't want you there.

TatianaBis · 25/04/2021 00:48

I imagine Prince Charles would treat Kate and William like SIL and DH. I imagine he’d treat Harry and Meghan pretty much the way he treated you and DH. 🤨

BusLaneLady · 25/04/2021 00:53

They are very precious then especially if your dh doesn't even feel comfortable there even though they are his parents! It really sums it up. Yes yanbu, I would've felt the same tbh.

BusLaneLady · 25/04/2021 00:54

@Ginandplatonic

People are bringing in lots of extraneous issues here, but the bottom line is surely that, whether the ILS were unreasonable not to invite OP and DH or not, whether OP was unreasonable to turn up uninvited or not, once someone is seated in your house anyone with an ounce of manners and class would treat them the same as everyone else in the room - drinks offered to everyone or no one. Anything else is rude, regardless of circumstance.
This ^
slashlover · 25/04/2021 00:58

@Ginandplatonic

People are bringing in lots of extraneous issues here, but the bottom line is surely that, whether the ILS were unreasonable not to invite OP and DH or not, whether OP was unreasonable to turn up uninvited or not, once someone is seated in your house anyone with an ounce of manners and class would treat them the same as everyone else in the room - drinks offered to everyone or no one. Anything else is rude, regardless of circumstance.
So how long should FIL and Peter wait to enjoy their champagne when OP and her DH had plonked themselves down? Should they not drink what they want because OP decided to gatecrash?
Ideasplease322 · 25/04/2021 01:00

Oh my goodness, your fil was rude, but so were you!

You were not invited, not welcome. You gatecrashed his party, then expected hospitality.

No wonder there is tension. You seem to be part of the problem

Saracen · 25/04/2021 01:04

@KingdomScrolls
maybe last time they let you at the good champagne you streaked across the Polo field and tried to get off with the help
GrinGrinGrinGrin

notthemum · 25/04/2021 01:09

Christ on a bike. Op You and DH were Not invited. In fact you were practically told not to go. So for a start you were both rude, insensitive and extremely thick skinned to turn up.
You keep saying that your DH knows the guests as family friends, but you earlier said that although they knew each other they were not close enough for your DH to make his own arrangements to see them.
In these circumstances when told the visitors would be around later normal people would say , give them our love/say hello from us. Ask them to give me a call.
They would not turn up expecting to be invited in and offered drinks.
What was so important that your DH wanted to speak to the male guest when you clearly said THEY ARE NOT THAT CLOSE.

Obviously if they had wanted to see him this would have been discussed by them with the family beforehand.
How old is your child that you were happy to leave at home to visit people who didn't want to see you anyway ?

BlackCatShadow · 25/04/2021 01:09

@KnittedJimmychoos

I wonder what Prince Charles would do if he had opened some special bottle and William Kate happened to be passing.. Would he share or offer them something else.
I suspect you are more the Harry and Meghan in this scenario.

I think, for whatever reason, your PIL don't really like you. It's just one of those things, but it does sound like you are lacking in sensitivity a little towards them.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 01:18

This thread has bizarrely, really cheered me up.

When I said "making eyes at dh over the bottle" I said that ie.. It was discreet...i wasn't demanding anything.

Under any other circumstances dh and I certainly wouldn't have gone around... He did feel perturbed at being excluded, they want him when they want him but not when he wants.

Personally I would be mortified if df did this to dh but my df usually stock beers and they know dh prefers beer.
His dp don't even know or seem to bother what drinks either of us like. Yes I feel uncomfortable with fil fawning over this friend but at the same time making it obvious I'm not worth the good stuff.

OP posts:
TheNestedIf · 25/04/2021 01:30

Sounds to me like not offering a drink was a massive hint to leave. Not inviting you in the first place when you heard the plans should already have been hint enough.

It's absolutely fair enough to see different people on different occasions and I cannot imagine turning up where I had not expressly been invited.

The reason could have been as sinister as the parents don't like you or as innocent as the friends wanted a more intimate catch up (bearing in mind they may have got on with the SIL better). It's not going to enhance relations with anyone to ride roughshod over their plans.

GreenSlide · 25/04/2021 01:38

@KnittedJimmychoos

I wonder what Prince Charles would do if he had opened some special bottle and William Kate happened to be passing.. Would he share or offer them something else.

Sounds more like you're Meghan and Harry in this scenario tbh.

SeaShoreGalore · 25/04/2021 01:40

Most people are pleased to see their children, and don’t regard it as ‘gatecrashing’.

Most would internally think ‘bloody damn!’ if the good wine had to be shared with more unexpected guests, but would hide how they felt to stop themselves looking like a rude child.

‘The mother of his only grandchildren’ is a weird way of referring to yourself.

Bythemillpond · 25/04/2021 01:42

I wonder if fil has said something to this couple about you and you turning up panicked him that something would be said and his lie would be found out

I think the not serving you a drink was a hint to go away you are not welcome

Mamanyt · 25/04/2021 01:42

If you were not invited, it makes a huge difference. Your FIL, to be cordial, should have invited you to have a glass, or just given you one. However, to be polite, reasonable, and to do what I would have done, you should have said, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize you had guests," and left after speaking politely to everyone and wishing them a lovely evening.

Lanique · 25/04/2021 01:57

Op I'm assuming this was pil's favourite decanter of brandy / scotch because everyone knows one doesn't serve Champagne after dinner Shock hence you can't state the brand. You really shouldn't worry about revealing such details. If your ils stumble across this in the Mail on Sunday, it would be pretty obvious it's you, however much you try to fudge the type of drink Grin

In fact it is relevant, because if we're taking brandy or scotch, then the reason is good old-fashioned sexism! His not offering it to you was because he assumes women don't join the men for digestifs, and he was confused because he knew your dh was driving therefore why would your dh want some. His Home Counties world may have been turned upside down at the very ritual of having to provide a woman with a tumbler of his favourite Cognac.

Hawkins001 · 25/04/2021 02:12

It sounds like after hours business talk, was to be discussed , and it does seem your presence with your dh, was unexpected, I can see your perspectives too, but overall for future reference, is gain an official invite first.

Swipe left for the next trending thread