Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

[KnittedJimmychoos]

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

@Quaagars

I love this. How true ❤ this isn't the way families behave, and people on here know this. They just want to be nasty to poor OP.

No, it's AIBU and seriously, people shouldn't ask if they're being unreasonable if they don't want to be told, erm, yes actually you are!
I don't think anyone has actually been nasty?
Blunt, yes, but no nastiness.
You don't just invite yourself to a dinner party, even if it is your parents! (Especially when we're not supposed to be having too many people together right now anyway)
So if "that's not how families behave" then surely you'd be fine with MIL and FIL inviting themselves next time you have friends round and helping themselves?

Chill.....it's all good 😂😂

Perfectly chill thanks, was just sayin'

@OfaFrenchmind2

So your PIL did not invite their whiny tantrumy son and his boozey wife, for a dinner with friends that they really wanted to enjoy. This is a huge shocker. You are gate crashing chancers. The only thing your PIL did wrong was dragging up your husband, they obviously did a bad job. The rest is on you I am afraid.

Wow......what a nasty, bitter person....I'm speechless

You guys weren't invited in the first place and your dh was driving so you had no business being there, he could have gone by himself if he really needed to see that friend.

Quuagers I think you have a point there in all honesty I find pils hard work and don't really want them around.. They drag the mood down.

Maybe the do feel the same way about us... Dh and u don't fit with their idea of fun.
I wouldn't mind pils helping themselves though,to me that's what family is and does my df would.

I certainly wouldn't exclude them from booze I was serving at that moment in time either and I wouid offer them drinks generally, maybe they didn't fancy champagne. But I think the crux is, we can't have what each party think are a good time around the other.

FIL was so rude! It's not best for guests, second best (or none) for family!

Your husband is their son. I really don't understand this. I have an open invitation to my parent's and my in-law's house at all times. It seems so odd FIL wouldn't be delighted to see you both and as host should be offering you drinks. That's how hosting works.

I wonder what Prince Charles would do if he had opened some special bottle and William Kate happened to be passing.. Would he share or offer them something else.

So you done even really like champagne, hadn't been invited, and when they were sitting around having a drink afterwards, you made eyes at your husband and took two glasses out of the bottle, just as a fuck you? Parts of their actions sound shorty- the not inviting, and appearing from your posts not to like you- but to be honest, you don't exactly paint yourself in glory either. Deliberately winding them up and expecting some kind of family status for a working womb........

If it was very fancy champagne and you don't really like or appreciate it then I do understand his viewpoint. Some decent champagne is worth stupid amounts per glass and would only be appreciated by real connoisseurs (I like a glass of fizz but wouldn't have a clue.....)!

What he should have said was - 'oh lovely to see you Knitted, I know you won't want this stuff us old fuddy duddies are raving about, what can I get you?' you then take the hint and say a G&T please, or whatever. Given he didn't and you didn't, it's hard to pass judgement on who was rude...

That said, I do hate wasting anything I consider 'nice' on people who won't appreciate it. (Not thinking drink here but certain meals I cook that I love but DH might condescend to eat even though he says it's horrible! I'd rather he left more for me and ate beans on toast......).

@Pebbledashery

I think you're missing the point as stated several times by different posters. You were unreasonable for turning up when you hadn't been invited then expecting him to serve you as if you're his guest.. You probably made it hugely awkward by turning up.

The op says they were invited but hinted not to come. Is everyone saying they weren’t invited meaning this is what they call not invited? This is what I call bloody rude, no ones parents I know would do that, and the op is nbu no matter what followed. Would it be better if you stopped seeing dps parents? Is he always treated like a second class citizen?

Maybe your FIL assumed you'd just say hello and not stay long enough to have a drink as you were breaking covid rules.

So your PIL did not invite their whiny tantrumy son and his boozey wife, for a dinner with friends that they really wanted to enjoy. This is a huge shocker.
You are gate crashing chancers. The only thing your PIL did wrong was dragging up your husband, they obviously did a bad job. The rest is on you I am afraid.

What a load of vitriolic nonsense.

If you were not invited but the sister was invited then don't you think there might have been a reason, ie they didn't want you there. Why then turn up? This is so embarrassing.

@ViciousJackdaw

How utterly beastly.

As the Mother of his Only Grandchildren, he should serve you nothing but unicorn tears in a Waterford crystal flute. Because you have given him grandchildren.

I can only pray that he realises the error of his ways. After all, you have given him grandchildren. How could any other person in the world matter?

Tee hee! Seriously though op needs to get over herself and maybe consider why she wasn't invited in the first place - perhaps her massive sense of entitlement

Oh gosh re covid, we are not pils bubble but sil and dh are.

I’ll readily admit that I don’t fully understand the ‘bubble’ rules, but why would your SIL and her husband be bubbled with your PILs? I thought at least one party had to either live alone, be a single parent, or have a baby?

And yes I do like a drink but I do have manners I wouldn't grab the bottle myself and guzzle it down

Quite.
Making eyes at your husband and the bottle so he goes to fetch a glass, pours champagne for you that you've not been offered and tops you up is what the etiquette books would suggest.

Obviously, if that doesn't work, rather than necking the bottle, you could say pointedly:

"Cor! I'm so dry I'm spitting feathers here!" while gazing at the bottle and dribbling slightly.

[OP, you're just repeating yourself now:

we just dropped in as DH really wanted to see these people (well, invite them to yours or - you know - accept you can't always have what you want); wouldn't happen in my family (well, go and visit them and drink their drink); ooh! And there's a big backstory that I'm just trying to construct ...]

I hate the word cringe but this story has several cringe worthy moments. The turning up uninvited, the eyes, the glass pouring without asking.

My parents would let us have most things but I would always ask. I can’t imagine just gatecrashing someone’s evening. It sounds like you changed the dynamic. I don’t think it’s a class thing. I think the trouble is it was a special bottle and you are just viewing it as a drink.

I’m picturing buying some nice chocolates and thinking x will appreciate these, I’ll save them to share with them. But then y turns up and casually helps themselves and a box of 12 is now been swiftly munched on by someone who says they prefer Cadbury’s and wasn’t invited 😂

They should have offered you some other kind of drink though.

@KnittedJimmychoos

I actually feel better that people think its cheeky because it does make it feel less personal.

From my pov as said, this wouldn't happen in my family and I can't imagine doing this to my own dc... Unless as pp said the partner had major drink issues and streaked naked across a polo field

You keep saying this but what happens in your house or your parents house is irrelevant.

How would you feel if you were having your mates over for cocktails and your FIL just appeared and started to help himself?

This is so weird. What happened to our values of whoever turns up unannounced we feed them and give them something to drink because they become guests and we are talking about family members. This is how family values break and how when you get old, you end up in the care home fiddling your thumb waiting for a Xmas visit. This is shit. You don't treat people like that who come to your home let alone family. So so weird. Op, yanbu. I would have felt the same. A glass of champagne shouldn't be more valuable than any human that walks into your home.

Majestically I missed your comment.

Do I expect them to build a shrine to my fanny, no, but I do think some respect would be nice...the fanny and body did take some battering to produce the gc m

@KnittedJimmychoos

I wonder what Prince Charles would do if he had opened some special bottle and William Kate happened to be passing.. Would he share or offer them something else.

I’m not getting the relevance of Prince Charles to the story

Does your FIL have a particular interest in him or something?

Buslanelady, could also ask whatever happened to FHB (family hold back) when there isn't really enough of something to go around?

You weren't welcome. And from reading your posts I can totally understand why.

Lamarshallin do construct it, I'm happy to laugh about this incidentand I find that genuinely amusing.

Bus that is my family values, and also fhb, however poor dh feels like a formal and usually unwanted guest in his family home.