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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
BlessedDD · 24/04/2021 23:43

Not sure really I have well off PILs and I don’t think they would have offered me or DH champagne that they were having with friends. My PILs often keep the nice stuff for their friends. We actually take the mick out of MIL of course when their friends are not around (and pre-covid) at events to ask which wine is for the ‘children’ being is and BILs and SILs etc and we don’t have allocated cheaper wines 😂

BlessedDD · 24/04/2021 23:43

As in we have allocated cheaper wine!

Ginandplatonic · 24/04/2021 23:45

@UhtredRagnarson I don’t think it’s an English v Irish thing, I think it’s that MN is odd and doesn’t reflect my reality when it comes to having people in your home.

There sounds to me like a degree of rudeness on both sides here, but FIL was far more rude to open a drink and offer it to only some of the people in the room. Even if guests were uninvited (and whether not inviting them was reasonable or not is another question), once they are sitting in the room good manners surely dictates that you treat them the same as everyone else there.

And it is not unreasonable to pop in to your parents house to say hello to an old family friend who you haven’t seen for years and won’t see again surely?

Fespital · 24/04/2021 23:45

My FIL is weirdly tight fisted towards us and overly generous to his friends. However he would make a big show in front of the friends of offering the finest champagne to all of us and looking amazingly generous so actually I don't think YABU because what he did wasn't very family minded or hosting minded.

LemonTT · 24/04/2021 23:45

There’s a polo field too😱 Jilly Cooper eat your heart out.

Why wasn’t there a butler to pour the champers.

Stichintime · 24/04/2021 23:45

If one of my adult children turned up with their partner when I was seving the good stuff to old friends, I'd offer them sip and expect them to be on their way.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:45

Freek I find that interesting.. In general I don't think there are any huge gaps between dh family and mine, dh aren't landed gentry but they do treat me like I'm a lower class. She was talking about a boarding school once and I said I knew it, she was visibly shocked and asked how, I said I used to have a bf from there. It was the fact I may know someone from a boarding school that floored her.

I would suggest my own df wines knowledge far exceeds pils in a multitude of ways but df doesn't care much for champagne.
Fil has deeper pockets.
Df is just more generous over all.

I think pils are more formal.. I guess its not what I'm used too and I'm not what they are used too.

OP posts:
Scrfgkesjwjrf · 24/04/2021 23:46

Depends on the brand/vintage. Can you tell us that? ‘Fancy’ doesn’t really mean anything, in any objective sense.

Nanny0gg · 24/04/2021 23:46

@KnittedJimmychoos

Wander, dh didn't think it fair we were excluded and he really wanted to see this family friend... He thought it was rude of them to exclude us.. We didn't stay long... He only wanted to say hi and chat for a little...

It's interesting how different houses do things!! I wouldn't think anything of it if my dp helped themselves to a glass and whatever alcohol was there.. It wouldn't occur to me to think about... The more the merrier..

And in their house, again I can freely help myself to drinks ect. In dh House it's much more than formal...

Why didn’t they want you there?
PennyRoyal · 24/04/2021 23:49

A champagne bottle is not bottomless (I wish!) so perhaps there just was not enough to go round?

Nanny0gg · 24/04/2021 23:49

@KnittedJimmychoos

I actually feel better that people think its cheeky because it does make it feel less personal.

From my pov as said, this wouldn't happen in my family and I can't imagine doing this to my own dc... Unless as pp said the partner had major drink issues and streaked naked across a polo field Wink

I thought it was wrong till you said you were actually not invited. But as you turned up when you shouldn’t have, I’ve changed my mind
Sweettea1 · 24/04/2021 23:50

So you gatecrashed then get annoyed you weren't offered a drink? You know you weren't wanted there hence no invitation so why go anyway?

YummyButter · 24/04/2021 23:53

@Bluntness100

If he really wanted ro see the family friend he should have set up something to see them, you know, made his own arrangements like an adult

How old are you both? I’m guessing really young?

Why are you being so insulting? Asking if she has no friends of her own, and then asking her age just to be condescending.

OP please pay no mind to this Bluntness person, I see them on every Mumsnet post I read giving their opinion, and 90% of the time they're being either nasty, dismissive, or condescending to the OP. There are things I could say about the type of life this person must lead given that they spend most of their time making others feel bad about themselves on Mumsnet, but I'll refrain.

blacksax · 24/04/2021 23:53

@KnittedJimmychoos

Been no, this was after the meal, sil and bil had gone by this point, there were 6. But the wife wasn't there I think she had gone to bed. So 5 really
But you didn't know that until after you'd arrived.

You were expecting yourself and your DH to make the numbers up to 8, because one of the reasons you went was because your SIL and BIL were invited and you weren't.

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 23:54

She was talking about a boarding school once and I said I knew it, she was visibly shocked and asked how, I said I used to have a bf from there. It was the fact I may know someone from a boarding school that floored her.

They sound utterly ghastly. Perhaps they think DH has married NQOCD. Ironic given that they behaved with zero class.

Quaagars · 24/04/2021 23:54

@KnittedJimmychoos

Dh and his family used to live over seas. This friend Peter and Jane did as well but they all live in the UK now. However they had not seen these friends for a long time, Mil did a meal for them sil and her dh were invited but it was made clear ish we were not welcome. Ie lots of hints about us being busy with the dc etc But dh really wanted to also see this family friend so we dropped in later..
You weren't invited but you went anyway? Eek, there's your answer! YABU, you gatecrashed. Was going to say YANBU, he's rude there but they were probably a bit Hmm and put on the spot! Well cheeky to gatecrash and help yourself to the champagne, bet he was thinking WTAF lol. (Sorry to be "that" poster as well, but you say you're in the UK? Since when are we able to have dinner get together parties with friends, have a Biscuit for that alone if true!) makes me feel like there's me sticking to the rules like a mug
TheLastLotus · 24/04/2021 23:55

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand why couldn’t they invite both their children with their partners then?

Or invite both sets at different times?

I don’t think that the OP was 100% in the right but to open a bottle in front of her (uninvited or not) was rude. If I had guests I wanted out I’d have said something along the lines of ‘oh it’s getting late you should be going home’ and generally chivviying them along.

Also their own child visiting their house shouldnt be called a gatecrasher...yes the OP made a silly comment about being the mother of their grandchild which everyone’s jumping on her for but honestly!

Nith · 24/04/2021 23:56

How many of us would regard our child dropping in as a gatecrasher?

YummyButter · 25/04/2021 00:03

@Nith

How many of us would regard our child dropping in as a gatecrasher?
I love this. How true ❤ this isn't the way families behave, and people on here know this. They just want to be nasty to poor OP.
notangelinajolie · 25/04/2021 00:03

@KnittedJimmychoos

Will, probably half way between the two Grin they do know I like a drink.
And there we have it.
PhatPhanny · 25/04/2021 00:05

Is it possible the guests brought the bubbles with them?

BearGum · 25/04/2021 00:05

Maybe he only had one bottle in stock and was worried he wouldn't be able to serve his friends a second glass if others drank a lot.
You are a guest, but you're also family, so you should hold back if non-family guests are likely to go without, that's what I was always taught.

Quaagars · 25/04/2021 00:09

I love this. How true ❤ this isn't the way families behave, and people on here know this. They just want to be nasty to poor OP.

No, it's AIBU and seriously, people shouldn't ask if they're being unreasonable if they don't want to be told, erm, yes actually you are!
I don't think anyone has actually been nasty?
Blunt, yes, but no nastiness.
You don't just invite yourself to a dinner party, even if it is your parents! (Especially when we're not supposed to be having too many people together right now anyway)
So if "that's not how families behave" then surely you'd be fine with MIL and FIL inviting themselves next time you have friends round and helping themselves?

OfaFrenchmind2 · 25/04/2021 00:10

So your PIL did not invite their whiny tantrumy son and his boozey wife, for a dinner with friends that they really wanted to enjoy. This is a huge shocker.
You are gate crashing chancers. The only thing your PIL did wrong was dragging up your husband, they obviously did a bad job. The rest is on you I am afraid.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 00:11

Bear I agree there, family hold back, but in my house not dh, they do have a large, stocked drinks store, it's not a cellar but it's an area with a plentiful supply... And dh doesn't feel comfortable there.

I can't imagine doing this to my own dc unless one did really go so way ward and off the scale and would ruin the whole night... Dh and I'd like to think myself are mostly polite.
And yes I do like a drink but I do have manners I wouldn't grab the bottle myself and guzzle it down.

OP posts: