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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
Oneeyeopen · 24/04/2021 23:24

@KnittedJimmychoos why do pils invite the sil but not your dh?
Don't they like your dh or is it you?

FreekStar · 24/04/2021 23:24

OP, it sounds like your DP's and DH's DP's are just from a a different class! Your DPs's sound like working class people who don't do posh dinner parties, appreciate fine wine or have airs and graces,. Your in-laws on the other hand have higher expectations of social etiquette, they might think you are crass and uncultured, posh champagne is 'wasted' on you and seeing as they didn't invite you to the evening think you were rude to just turn up. There must be reasons you weren't invited ...

BluebellsGreenbells · 24/04/2021 23:24

So FIL long time friend who visits rarely and everyone else had gone and you gatecrahsed there time together? Maybe they had something they wanted to discuss privately?

I think you were rude. Popping in doesn’t mean you stay for drinks - it means a quick hello and goodbye.

You were rude.

crimsonlake · 24/04/2021 23:25

Tbh your dh was annoyed at being excluded and was determined to turn up regardless. I am simply cringing at all of this....

Newkitchen123 · 24/04/2021 23:25

You knew you weren't invited
You went anyway
There's no point talking about what happens in your parents' house because this is your in laws' house. Their choice. Yes I would be a bit put out but given that you haven't provided us with the back story then we have to assume there is a reason for you not being invited. Could the friend not have been invited to your house the next day or whatever?
Six people already round the table is already stretching the champagne bottle then two more people turn up

memberofthewedding · 24/04/2021 23:25

This sounds like a situation where I was the guest of someone who was in a shared flat. She had just cooked dinner and I opened a bottle of wine I brought to go with the meal. We were eating in the common lounge when two of her flatmates turned up. Rather than just talking among themselves or going to their own room they sat and talked to us while we ate. I did not offer them any wine because I think it was a bit rude for them to hang about when someone is entertaining a guest.

Apparently one of them remarked on this the next day. My friend reminded them that although they all might share a common space it is rude to butt in when someone has cooked a meal for a quest.
Although they lived in the flat they should have made themselves scarce while we were eating.

KingdomScrolls · 24/04/2021 23:25

@UhtredRagnarson it's either or, not both. You can have six people from six households our more than six people but only from two households eg a family of 4 and a family of 3 meet.
See below from government guidance;
Meeting friends and family outdoors (rule of 6)
You can meet up outdoors with friends and family you do not live with, either:

in a group of up to 6 from any number of households (children of all ages count towards the limit of 6)
in a group of any size from up to two households (each household can include an existing support bubble, if eligible)

CounsellorTroi · 24/04/2021 23:26

@KnittedJimmychoos

Been no, this was after the meal, sil and bil had gone by this point, there were 6. But the wife wasn't there I think she had gone to bed. So 5 really
Gone to bed? You can't have people staying, unless you mean your MIL.
Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:27

Tatiana that's the whole side issue and yes he has tried to talk to them about it and they don't get it.

OP posts:
LunaMuffinTop · 24/04/2021 23:27

I thought YABMU after just your OP but your updates just confirm that I was right you gate crashed a party that you weren’t invited to and then helped yourself to their champagne no wonder your FIL doesn’t like you your incredibly rude can you really not see how rude you are in this post.

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 23:28

it's either or, not both. You can have six people from six households our more than six people but only from two households

Thank you. What a bonkers rule. I’m NI and think our rules are slightly different right now.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 24/04/2021 23:29

If I was attending a 'do' at my PILs house, I would expect to have the same opportunity to have food/drink as the other guests (family and friends).

But if DH and I rocked up at their house with no invitation when they're having a dinner party, no I wouldn't. We would never deliberately do such a thing, and if we accidentally interrupted them socialising (I.e. we hadn't known they had guests), we'd leave asap rather than disturb their evening.

I wouldn't want them to turn up here expecting when we have friends over, so it's simply showing the same courtesy in return.

The circumstances make all the difference.

Re: the COVID rules - 3 households are allowed provided the total number is lower than 6 people. The guidance says:

You can meet up outdoors with friends and family you do not live with, either:

- in a group of up to 6 from any number of households (children of all ages count towards the limit of 6)
- in a group of any size from up to two households (each household can include an existing support bubble, if eligible)

LaurieFairyCake · 24/04/2021 23:29

Beenasfarasmercyandgrand

No, it's really shitty to invite their daughter and not their son

The OP is revealing how her and her dh are excluded all the time..

Just drop them OP - are they even interested in their grandchildren?

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:31

Oh gosh re covid, we are not pils bubble but sil and dh are.

Dh and I have actually not been indoors with anyone during covid time.. When we went to pils it's been briefly and outdoors.. I don't know where the lady was actually or where she was staying.. Its quite large house.. I assumed bed but they wouldn't break rules so probably not.
But it felt safe and breezy..

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 23:31

Your in-laws on the other hand have higher expectations of social etiquette, they might think you are crass and uncultured

Actually it’s the opposite. PIL have no manners. Either that or it was an intentional rudeness to DH.

ArnoldJudasRimmer · 24/04/2021 23:31

My ex was incredibly rude and grabby, and as a result people were often reluctant to invite me to things if he would also come. I'm now wondering if this was the case here, to be honest.

thiswaythat · 24/04/2021 23:32

What champagne was it Op? Grin
Was it worth it?

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:33

I actually feel better that people think its cheeky because it does make it feel less personal.

From my pov as said, this wouldn't happen in my family and I can't imagine doing this to my own dc... Unless as pp said the partner had major drink issues and streaked naked across a polo field Wink

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 24/04/2021 23:35

OP, have you considered that the family friends didn't want to see you or your DH and that's why you weren't invited, but they also didn't contact him to meet?

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 23:36

@KnittedJimmychoos

Tatiana that's the whole side issue and yes he has tried to talk to them about it and they don't get it.
In that case I’d just leave them to it. You can’t force people treat you well. I would distance myself and just get on with your own lives.
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/04/2021 23:36

Dh and I have actually not been indoors with anyone during covid time

No shops, appointments, chemist, supermarket etc whatsoever? Really? Children not in school?

PickAChew · 24/04/2021 23:38

He was probably trying to impress his friends but didn't have enough of the good stuff for you to drink freely, too.

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 23:40

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Dh and I have actually not been indoors with anyone during covid time

No shops, appointments, chemist, supermarket etc whatsoever? Really? Children not in school?

Hmm
BillyIsMyBunny · 24/04/2021 23:40

@KnittedJimmychoos

It's open area, part covered, conservatory that opens out with those awning structure, no rules broken at all.
Apart from the rule of 6. It wasn’t possible for your PIL to invite their 2 friends, SIL & her DH plus yourself and your DP as that is at least 8 people. You turned up uninvited to a gathering knowing you would be bringing the numbers above 6.
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 24/04/2021 23:41

@LaurieFairyCake

Beenasfarasmercyandgrand

No, it's really shitty to invite their daughter and not their son

The OP is revealing how her and her dh are excluded all the time..

Just drop them OP - are they even interested in their grandchildren?

Inviting their son would have meant breaking COVID rules. And the OP has said they wouldn't have wanted to do that.

Haven't we all had to make hard decisions about who to invite to things in the last year, because of the rule of 6? I know I have.

If the OP had posted about a different incident then maybe she'd have got sympathetic replies, but her posts on this just sound spoilt and rude.

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