To try and recreate a Christmas market in my back garden.

[Namechabged]

All I’ve got so far is an extension lead so I can plug a slow cooker and a microwave in outside, and taking £100 out of the cash machine. I’m thinking I sling four bottles of Aldi mulled wine and some sliced oranges in the slow cooker and charging myself £7 deposit for a mug and £6 for a top up, and then mircrowaving some hotdogs and doughnuts and Nutella and charging £6 for them too. I haven’t got any further than that but welcome ideas.

Oh and games where “everybody wins a prize” and you realise you’ve paid £5 for a rubber ball.

Love this! Have you all seen it?

m.youtube.com/watch/f6m9tvs3PhU

“I don’t feel Christmassy till I get my plugs!”

Can you get someone to spray paint themselves and then stand sort of stillish with a dish in front of them for money? Not actually still like a statue, just sort of resting in one place whilst demanding money with menaces via a look?

@ReallySpicyCurry

You need a tiny nun who will try to flog you painted angel Christmas decorations and who will bless passing babies. There's one at our Christmas Market every year, and I buy an angel every year - going to miss her this year

You absolutely do need this.

This time last year I was in Basle for the very, very classy Christmas markets but this one sounds a lot more fun. It's nice and damp today too, so a good time to really go for that Somme in winter look.

this is great. You don't even need a big garden, to get the crowded atmosphere, the smaller the better.

Dd suggests you sell some stuff that you don't know what they are or what they are for. I think this would be a good way to recycle all the plastic tat from crackers and takeway kids meals..

I've never been to a Christmas market, thank you for recreating it for me! When I lived in Germany as a child only my sister was allowed to go, and now I live too far from civilization. I did see a German market the last time I passed through the Isle of Skye though, it was quite surreal!

One day I will take my kids to a German market in Germany. I'm usually a proper homebody, but I really miss Germany and the kids get very impressed by me speaking German!

Love this thread, thank you op!

You're all being very mean I love Christmas markets (though I don't like the crowds).

Carpet, you don't need to go to Germany for them, you get nice ones here too, especially Edinburgh which is equal to any I've been to in Germany. But Cologne is a good choice because there are several markets. Frankfurt is good too and I also liked the one in Strasbourg, though vin chaud isn't as good as Gluehwein.

Winchester usually has a nice Christmas market too.

But none of them are nice when they are overcrowded.

Dont forget the 3pm 'real' snowfall. Set up a bubble machine in a bedroom window and turn it on for 1 minute. If you don't have a bubble machine, shake the filling from an old beanbag chair out the window instead.

Have someone demonstrating an old hat kitchen gadget like a spiraliser, and selling it for £20.

I almost forgot you need an upcycling stall. Gather together a piece of old wood, a lightbulb and some old rusty pipes. Cobble them together to create a light fitting. The more rusty the better. Don't even bother covering the screws you use to fix it all together. Then charge a ridiculous amount of cash for this innovative art work.

Buy a sack of horse carrots & sell them for a pound a go 'for Rudolph'.

Ideally, to provide an instant gratification Rudolph feeding moment, borrow a small fat grumpy pony from your local riding club, attach pound shop antlers & a leftover Red Nose Day nose, & wait for him to bite children who attempt to feed him his 187th carrot of the hour when he only likes pony nuts anyway.

Also required is small children ( preferably the ones that have spent most of 2020 in pyjamas and clutching an Xbox controller ) being made to do repeated laps of said garden complaining bitterly that they’re bored , that they think the artisanally hand thrown ( painted from Poundland ) baubles are shit , before throwing up phenomenally expensive hot chocolate all over Santa after ten goes on a glitter encrusted trampoline at £5 a pop .

Yes, small, bored, disgruntled children are an absolute MUST!

berryful

Yes the more bored, tired, cold, disgruntled children you can bring the merrier. Bonus points for dragging granny along too, who can't quite believe how much cash is flying out of her purse so that little Bobby can have another go on hoola hoop in order to win a giant teddy the size of a garden shed.

Also important to have small over-excited children who run hard into your legs just after you've paid £8 for a brimming plastic cup of mulled wine.

Convince yourself how you Love paying 8 quid a piece for a shrivelled up Brawurst.

Yes the more bored, tired, cold, disgruntled children you can bring the merrier. Bonus points for dragging granny along too, who can't quite believe how much cash is flying out of her purse so that little Bobby can have another go on hoola hoop in order to win a giant teddy the size of a garden shed.

This. I'd need DH too who's idea it was to attend the Christmas Market but who also does nothing but alternate between telling the kids off for looking like they might touch something and saying "no it's too expensive" all while not looking up from his phone.
He remarkably perks up when we get overpriced and underwhelming food of his choice and declares it a good festive experience.

How much were you planning on charging for parking?

Whatever it is, double it. A field or pot-holed bit of wasteland will be perfect. Don't waste money on lighting. Bonus if it's a long way from the market and the opposite direction to the toilets.

Set up an in and out system then if you get bored you can get someone to block the 'out' so the whole thing gridlocks.

You also have to constantly be saying "excuse me...can I just squeeze through... sorry...thank you...no, after you...your welcome"

@inthewoodshed ah the memories...

Best thread of 2020?

@DonLewis

Hire a pick pocket?

😂😂🏆

Aww this just makes me miss the ones round here which are lovely ... if you get in and out at the right time