To try and recreate a Christmas market in my back garden.

[Namechabged]

All I’ve got so far is an extension lead so I can plug a slow cooker and a microwave in outside, and taking £100 out of the cash machine. I’m thinking I sling four bottles of Aldi mulled wine and some sliced oranges in the slow cooker and charging myself £7 deposit for a mug and £6 for a top up, and then mircrowaving some hotdogs and doughnuts and Nutella and charging £6 for them too. I haven’t got any further than that but welcome ideas.

Don't forget to turn your shed into a Bierkeller with security on the door. Use more mannequins in Xmas jumpers and sexy Santa outfits to form a queue that moves so slowly that it only lets 1 person in per hour.

This is brilliant 😂😂

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett tea light holders that make things go round 🤣🤣🤣

Remember to put everything you buy in those super flimsy blue carrier bags that split halfway back to the car.

You need a tiny nun who will try to flog you painted angel Christmas decorations and who will bless passing babies. There's one at our Christmas Market every year, and I buy an angel every year - going to miss her this year

But some baubles from Poundland and a marker and charge £15 to write people's names on them

Don't forget the wood carvings £25 for 3 small bits of wood with 'Merry Christmas' burnt into them and the cellophane funnels with cheap hot chocolate powder and mini marshmallows on top all tied up with red ribbon with boggle eyes and red dot to look like Rudolph.

But if you really want to push the boat out, hog roast, stuffing and apple sauce.

Make sure you organise/buy all of the above then cancel it at the last minute due to Covid (don't worry, you can do it again at Easter)

Get the paddling pool out, add a splash of water, and treat yourself to ice skating for £17.50.

Turn on the hose and spray a light drizzle all over your dark at 4pm garden, play Mariah Carey really loud and weep.

Hire a pick pocket?

Yanbu op. This all sounds magical. Quite the winter wonderland.

I strongly endorse the suggestions of getting drunk and aggressive early in the day and then falling into yourself and your family. The heaviest family member should drunkenly step on everyone's ankles. I'm not sure how you will recreate the specific, overcrowded, post apocalyptic vibe... but sludgey terrain, swearing and aggression will definitely help.

Can you somehow rig up a number of fairground rides, (space allowing), which look as if they would kill a grown man? They must be staffed by extremely surly elves.

Mulled apple juice is a lovely alcohol free alternative to mulled wine. You should use a sachet of mulled juice spice from a budget supermarket, mixed with water from a large boiler. Make no effort to disguise this to the customer as you prepare their beverage. Charge them a minimum of £7.50. Anything else just isn't Christmassy.

What Christmas markets have you all been too?!? They all sound so classy.

@anotherwinkywinkybumbum

What Christmas markets have you all been too?!? They all sound so classy.

Oh God no, not classy in the slightest! Quite the reverse. Like a war zone with Wham and Santa hats.

You're going to make a killing op.

Have you got space for a very small ice rink? A metre square should be sufficient for 20 skaters and a handful of,plastic penguins which the adults must not be allowed to use.

A warzone with Wham and Santa hats
You've made my day, and possibly month with that.

You've forgotten the handmade ceramic alphabet tiles.

And the stall two doors down selling the exact same thing.

metro.co.uk/2020/11/22/dad-makes-christmas-market-in-the-garden-for-his-family-in-three-hours-13634905/

So tempting...

Sliced up logs with googly eyes on, and those creepy elf things that are hats with feet.
Make the whole garden smell like patchouli and cloves for that authentic olfactory experience.

You really need to start flooding the garden now to get that festive Somme experience.

It’s important that popcorn and candyfloss is available for £5 each, and that the latter immediately falls off the stick after you’ve handed over the cash.

Don’t forget to buy jars from the pound shop, fill them with a string of cheap fairy lights, write Merry Christmas on them then sell them for £12.
When buying plastic cups for the drinks make sure you buy the flimsiest ones available. This will ensure you spill your drink all over your new coat and hands.
Make sure you do not offer napkins, then you will have to stand wondering how to dry your wet lager covered freezing hands.

Chestnuts.

Burned on the BBQ so they are inedible.

@sashh

Chestnuts.

Burned on the BBQ so they are inedible.

🎵 ...Jaaack Frost nipping at your nose🎵