To try and recreate a Christmas market in my back garden.

[Namechabged]

All I’ve got so far is an extension lead so I can plug a slow cooker and a microwave in outside, and taking £100 out of the cash machine. I’m thinking I sling four bottles of Aldi mulled wine and some sliced oranges in the slow cooker and charging myself £7 deposit for a mug and £6 for a top up, and then mircrowaving some hotdogs and doughnuts and Nutella and charging £6 for them too. I haven’t got any further than that but welcome ideas.

@viques

Don’t forget to put some wonkily iced stale ginger biscuits in a little bag tied up with Christmas —ribbon— string .

You can buy these ready made in Lidl for 99p then sell them on for 5 times the price .

If I’m not invited YABU

I came on here for a good reminisce about Germany, but instead got a firm reminder never to try a British version of the German markets!

If you want some more authentic, you need churros as well. How they have become 'traditional' german street food I have no idea, but they were goooooddddd.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I came on here for a good reminisce about Germany, but instead got a firm reminder never to try a British version of the German markets!

If you want some more authentic, you need churros as well. How they have become 'traditional' german street food I have no idea, but they were goooooddddd.

Oooh yes but they should be those hollowed out ones with a delicious filling of hot caramel sauce. But don't forget to make sure there is a hole at both the top AND the bottom so you drip the molten lava sauce all down yourself.

Don't rip any one off though. £6 is a reasonable sum for this pleasure. It is Christmas after all.

Oh, should have added, definitely do not provide a napkin with the filled churros.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I came on here for a good reminisce about Germany, but instead got a firm reminder never to try a British version of the German markets!

If you want some more authentic, you need churros as well. How they have become 'traditional' german street food I have no idea, but they were goooooddddd.

German markets are fab, UK ones are awful. I was so happy when my local town(Bath) Xmas market got cancelled. '50 sheds of sh*t' is what its affectionately known as

You need to buy some acrylic jumpers on Shein and flog them as Peruvian hand knits, charging £99 apiece or 2 for £200.

@Whammyyammy, I used to live in Bath too! Best city ever, but my God that market (not envy).

Ha ha, this is great.
But I thought you meant you were really going to open up your garden to the public!!
Why not? There's a house our way which has done this, they have taken down the front fence, plonked a mobile pizza van on their small front lawn and are busily selling takeaway to passers by. There's a market for this sort of thing....

😂 you have made my entire year 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
I LOVE this

@ShaunaTheSheep

Get the paddling pool out, add a splash of water, and treat yourself to ice skating for £17.50.

Or queue for 30 minutes before learning that sessions had to be pre-booked online and the next available slot is 4th January.

@moralminority

You need a bottle of baileys so you can add so little of it to your hot chocolate that you can't taste it but charge yourself an extra fiver for it.

😂😂😂

Love this thread, we’ve been planning similar.

Don’t forget tiny samples of the cheese you’re selling. This will help guilt trip you into paying £15 for a lump of tesco value Brie. (Preferably presented on my Christmas market bought overpriced artisan chopping board, lovingly hand made from reclaimed floorboards and treated with something that still smells odd 2 years later).

And teeny weeny plastic shot glasses with 2mm of booze should entice you to buy 6 crackers for £50 with some gin miniatures in.

For a really genuine atmosphere you need me to come and stomp huffily around, saying everything is over priced rubbish and I’m never coming again.

Then I’ll probably turn up next year.

You need to alternate 'stalls' selling wooden word signs like 'Love' and 'Home' at £30+ a pop. Handbags made out of felt, feel free to charge an extortionate price, cushions (also saying 'Love etc), the aforementioned fudge, the mix of biscuits. It helps if many stalls sell the same shite. Must put up notices which say 'handmade with love'. Everything "handmade" and not a range knock off oh no justifies its extortionate price tag.

All the stall holders need to look really fucked off too.

It needs to be a hotbed of passive aggressive selling.

^And a bag off marshmallows 70p
Charge £4 each +£1 for a marshmallow on top^

😂😂❤️❤️❤️

Don’t forget the stall selling lots of weird looking glassy jewellery. Hand made of course. Earrings which appear to be made from lumps of lava strung together on dodgey looking wire. Along with a matching necklace all for the bargain price of £45, add an extra bonus wrap it in a piece of tissue paper.

Swop all your cash for tokens so you don’t realise you are paying £15 for 2 kids to jump on a bouncy castle for 30 seconds.

Don’t forget the stall holders must wear knitted finger less gloves and a ‘money belt’ which when unzipped is jam packed with £20 notes taken from the unsuspecting customers all buying their ‘home made’ products. If you offer them a £20 note they have to shout across to the next stall holder “Ere Jim, do you have change for a £20?”

DH has been working very hard to create a tasteful Christmas market in our back garden. I'm going to ruin (improve) it with some of these fab ideas.

Have a stone-baked pizza stall that looks delicious but only has capacity to produce one pizza an hour.

Put no more than 5 chocolate raisins from Lidl (preferably out of date) in a small freezer bag and tie the top with a bit of garden string and display all the bags on a festive tea towel with a sign saying 'Rudolph Poop 1 for £6.50 or 2 for £10'.

...

Catch your friend's 19-23 year old son before he's shaved off his Movember facial hair, put him in a Santa suit with a cushion up his front and pay him in Rudolph poop.

....

Or just take your £100 out in the garden, dash back to the cash point for another essential £38, then have a nice bonfire while singing Good King Wenceslas.

Ramming your own ankles with a pushchair might be a challenge but at least pick pocketing yourself shouldn’t be too hard.

You need a bottle of baileys so you can add so little of it to your hot chocolate that you can't taste it but charge yourself an extra fiver for it.

Swop all your cash for tokens so you don’t realise you are paying £15 for 2 kids to jump on a bouncy castle for 30 seconds.

These two comments are spot on!

Well if Peter Duncan can do a panto is in back garden, recreating a Christmas market seems simple and a good idea.

Just as long as nothing can be stolen.