Crackers you've read on MN

[MrsMarrio]

Just a bit of fun. I've read some really awful threads on MN, then there in the comments is that poster that says something hilarious. I've got a few stored in my head.

In relation to a cheat going to the OW - "they think the grass is greener on the other side because it's covered in bullshit'

A post about partner being friends with the opposite sex, someone told a story of their other half getting 'mentionitis' about another woman who turned out to be cheating

And my favourite, a poster had took back a guy after a few break ups to which someone responded 'that's like fishing shite out the toilet- just flush'.

Anybody else got comments stuck in their mind for any future reference that fits or just me

Husband says whoever is doing it is very childish. But he’s a poopoo head so what would he know.
From the parking thread- just followed the link, very funny!

Nee nah - nee nah - nee nah

Update: the fun police have left the thread, apparently on another MN thread someone has used the wrong abbreviation in a funny story about their step sisters new puppy and a a bag of Wotsits.

Just to weigh in on the previous argument, from the sex in the hedge thread:

The Op wrote:

add message | Report | Message poster | Quoteeurgh Mon 25-Jun-18 17:57:56
@GinaCarbonara much like the hedgehogs I've never heard a fox ask for a finger in the bum... 🦊

Hedgehogs AND foxes both get a mention, horny bastards. HTH

@FlouncerInDenial

If anyone is sad it is you. Seriously I'm cringing for YOU with those posts

@LunaNorth - brilliant - my son & I have laughed like drains about that for quite a long time.

The one where OP put on a leather (leopard?) jacket felt cool & edgy. Then looked in mirror and saw "Suzie Quattro's mum"...

(Can't quite recall but along those lines)

can't remember the topic but I liked this descriptive quote someone used "face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle"

'Otherwise you're just a bit sad' is my favourite thing anyone has ever said on a MN thread. I picture the poster to be like the mean woman (Nicola) who came to replace Tony in Dinnerladies.

I shan't lightly forget the poster who accidentally creosoted a pigeon

@BrandoraPaithwaite

In a thread about people's DHs and DPs farting habits. Someone said her DH would fart on the dog's head and say "that'll give you a parting".

That is fabulous

When my friend was recovering from surgery, I amused her by emailing her the best phrases from MN.
Sadly I can only find one email, with these gems?
.

My mum once described Henry Kissinger as looking like "a hatful of bums”

You have a handle on the side of your head, love.

I also remember, "If I had a turd in one hand and bottle of polish in the other, I couldn't give a shiney shite".

A post I remember is one where Gregg Wallace was described as looking "like a thumb"

I remember this, it's perfect he really does.

I often find some of the crazy opinions memorable eg milk & bread aren't essential. Another poster said teens & young people were selfish to get weekend jobs in this climate as it's taking them away from families who need them more.

"A horrendously short pixie crop that I inexplicably had dyed orange. I looked like a fat match."

🤣🤣 and the Colonel Gadaffi comment.

@FlouncerInDenial you're not the recipient of the comment 'it's not an airport. You don't have to announce your departure' are you? Just wondered if your username is the link to the sour grapes?

This is very old but I’m hoping someone else will remember it

A MNer took her very young son swimming. In the changing room afterwards he went up to a woman who was bending down to dry her legs and parted her arse cheeks “because he wanted to see what was inside”

Your minge
Colonel Gaddafi

Lots I can’t remember

There are a few threads about growing up when health and safety wasn’t given much thought are always funny. One particular story of a class testing out how electricity is conducted by them holding hands and the teacher touching an electric fence had me hysterics. It still makes me laugh

There was a thread about the best food to use during sex and someone replied with "a roast dinner"

Still makes me laugh

Yesterday's opening reply to the bork thread.

Its a sound a small dog makes.

@FromDespairToHere

My favourite thing I've ever read on here is a woman who went swimming and clearly had baby brain because she forgot to put her bottoms on. She sat on the side of the pool holding said baby and her DH hissed "Jane! Your minge!"

Me too. I had tears streaming down my face, and could not stop belly laughing on a public train!! Her writing painted the picture so vividly, and the killer was she was annoyed at him for shouting at her before she realized! I looked for it again and could not find it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3784364-The-thread-where-the-lady-forgot-her-swimming-bottoms

Someone posting about their DH/relationship being 10% horrible.

Poster responds : you wouldn't eat a cake that was 10% shit so why put up with this?

A landlord unsure what to do with their house which has tenants in.

Poster responds: you should give the house to the tenants. It's only fair.

Sometimes, when I've had a bad day, I like to pull up the screaming at the Michaelangelo thread. It still gets me.

The Sistene Chapel screamer was absolute comedy gold