Crackers you've read on MN

[MrsMarrio]

Just a bit of fun. I've read some really awful threads on MN, then there in the comments is that poster that says something hilarious. I've got a few stored in my head.

In relation to a cheat going to the OW - "they think the grass is greener on the other side because it's covered in bullshit'

A post about partner being friends with the opposite sex, someone told a story of their other half getting 'mentionitis' about another woman who turned out to be cheating

And my favourite, a poster had took back a guy after a few break ups to which someone responded 'that's like fishing shite out the toilet- just flush'.

Anybody else got comments stuck in their mind for any future reference that fits or just me

I can't remember which thread she was on, but the performance-parenting mum who did a little naked jig in the swimming pool changing room whilst playing the pan pipes in an effort to terrify entertain her baby.

Also, on the same theme, the woman who insisted on going to sit in the men's changing rooms at the local pool when waiting whilst her child had a swimming lesson. She chose there because she found the main lobby/waiting area/cafe (I forget exactly) too busy and noisy. She was really disgusted at the disgraceful behaviour of the men being naked in the men's changing rooms, in front of this woman who had arbitrarily decided to invade. They had bums and everything

I've ended up in a Classics rabbirholw which led me to this!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1777952-Ive-just-cupped-my-COs-penis-by-accident

Has anyone mentioned 'fuck off you spud cunt' to the potato that fell on the floor in the supermarket?

Has anyone mentioned the dad that pinched a Wotsit off his kid yet ? Not even from the bag , he had put them on the side as he might want them later .
It was bedlam! By the end of it the 4 yr old was going to grow up depressed and in need of therapy, I kid you not .

There was a thread fairly recently where, for some unknown reason, the OP asked ‘Do you like your husband’s penis?’ Amongst many hilarious comments, one poster replied ‘My Ex husband had a fabulous penis, I loved it. I wasn’t keen on that useless bit of skin on the end though, what’s it called? Oh yes, that’s right, Alan’
(Paraphrasing, before the thread police come back). I was upstairs in bed ill at the time and I was snorting and wheezing so loudly DH came to check I was ok, he thought I was choking.

[quote DrDavidBanner]I've ended up in a Classics rabbirholw which led me to this!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1777952-Ive-just-cupped-my-COs-penis-by-accident[/quote]
OMG!!!!! Am fully guffawing "the other was left straggling and I accidentally cupped his balls." "I'm MNing in the toilet, shuddering in shame" oh my god that's funny. I needed a laugh today

I always remember the woman who was in M&S with her mum. They were both off browsing then she found her mum again "staring intently at nothing". When she tried to take her arm her mum said "If I move, I'm going to poo"

I was also the poster who found two pork sausages in my - since exH (you gotta wonder why) - dirty jeans in the washing basket. Everyone just kept asking if they were raw

I am ill laughing at the ‘bashing my keyboard with my tits and hoping for the best’ thread. 😂😂

Thank you for this thread OP

Oh god, the pooing threads. Before we had to worry about poo trolls, there was a thread about pooing yourself that rendered me senseless. I couldn’t breathe.

The most memorable post was a pp who was heavily pregnant and had, ahem, followed through, and, in an attempt to ‘keep it in’ had reversed slowly into her conservatory.

I. Just. Wept.

I remember reading about a poster who thought she had name changed for a gynae related thread. To avoid embarrassment I suppose. Only the name change had failed and the first poster put 'name is that you?' I howled for about an hour. Someone will remember the particular details of that thread properly I'm sure, but don't you dare come at me over it. Twats.

‘UCM, is that you?’

[quote DrDavidBanner]I've ended up in a Classics rabbirholw which led me to this!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1777952-Ive-just-cupped-my-COs-penis-by-accident[/quote]
Oh thank you for that, I've been laughing out loud all through it. Never laughed so much at a thread. Thoroughly recommended.

The hug ball cupping thread and the op replying to herself over the pram!

Thank you for linking these I'm pissing myself!

And the yoni massage one! Jesus I knew there was some weirdos out there but fishing for a vag grab on MN. However the replies have made me howl!

The one where the poster allowed her teenage DC to have friends round and the rule was they could have one beer or something but some of them were requesting a spirit or wine and she was asking AIBU to refuse. Oh god the derailing about should they be allowed to drink and god knows what else was going on and she patiently explained the very clear rules again and again.

I'm sure I recall a thread on interview screw ups - or something similar. A poster told a story of interviewing well, standing up, shaking the interviewers' hands and opening a door to leave - and then walking straight into a cupboard and not sure how best to style it out to get out of the cupboard!

There was such a funny thread recently about looking awful in zoom work calls - one poster said her face looked like a “blancmange in a plastic bag” which made me laugh so much!

The Angela Hernandez thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/650904-The-Least-Professional-Moments-of-My-Illustrious-Career-Please-Feel

So much has been removed it looks like a lace curtain, but it's still dangerously funny and may cause stomach pain and shortness of breath.

The poster had, for reasons she couldn't rightly explain, introduced herself at a conference as "Angela Hernandez".

It wasn't her name.

From the back of the hall came the voice of her colleague: "No, I'm Angela Hernandez."

@Blurpblorp well...were they raw?!

The one about the husband mistaking the birds' fat balls for posh Scotch Eggs. And eating them

Artisanal slippers. Classic

• glaring at DH at 2am while he lies there sleeping like a smug twat with his useless fucking nipples and I feed the baby again

@Gancanny talking about creasing not to have another baby “useless fucking nipples” 😂😂😂

@Dontsaykwen literally just read that! Howling

There was a thread about chavs and a poster said “rides a mini motorbike through the thread”. Far out, so funny.
Someone also called the guy from Grand Designs, Kevin Macleod a lip licking tit glancer.
Hilarious 😂

@GailsPlait nope, cooked.