Crackers you've read on MN

[MrsMarrio]

Just a bit of fun. I've read some really awful threads on MN, then there in the comments is that poster that says something hilarious. I've got a few stored in my head.

In relation to a cheat going to the OW - "they think the grass is greener on the other side because it's covered in bullshit'

A post about partner being friends with the opposite sex, someone told a story of their other half getting 'mentionitis' about another woman who turned out to be cheating

And my favourite, a poster had took back a guy after a few break ups to which someone responded 'that's like fishing shite out the toilet- just flush'.

Anybody else got comments stuck in their mind for any future reference that fits or just me

I remember the thread where the lad came on offering IT advice. I'm on that thread under another name. Was so, so funny.

I think a read through Classics might be in order.....

capodimonte thank you! Going to reread it now....

sparklefairy I knew I would achieve greatness one day but didn’t think it would be like this. Still, I will take it

@Hoppinggreen

sparklefairy I knew I would achieve greatness one day but didn’t think it would be like this. Still, I will take it

I must say your layers solution stayed with me too. It was a beautiful combination of perfectly logical and utterly bonkers

@praepondero

This:

Oh, and some described David Cameron as looking like a "Freshly wanked cock." He was PM at the time.

Is so true it's painful. I have always wondered what does he remind me of and this is it! All shiny and purplish and slimy. .

Eeewwww!!😂😂😂

I would be forever grateful if somebody could link to the 'IT Advice for Ladies' thread. 😀

*Today 00:30 FlouncerInDenial

GenuineKlatchianPottery
A thread that’s now in classics.
OP kept hearing sex noises coming from her hedge.
Unanimous vote from MN “It’s foxes”
OP replies “I’ve never heard a fox ask for a finger up their bum”.
If you'd read the thread, love, you'd know it was hedgehogs, not foxes.
Slightly cringing for you.

If you're going to quote something, at least do it with knowledge*

I’m frightfully sorry. I shall leave the thread forthwith and will never reminisce again.
Pfft

Does anyone remember a thread where the OP had naice soap that she put out on the sink when guests were coming and put away when they left. She knew how mad she she was - there was a picture and everything. I would love to read that one again. I loved how utterly mad it was, she knew it but it was stronger than her!

I was only remembering the other day about one that always makes me laugh. It was a thread about when you have tried to dramatically flounce out of a room etc but failed. Someone posted that their Mum once had a row with someone and tried it through a packet of basil at them. They all stood there in silence as it slowly wafted to the floor.

I just howl imagining that!

That should say “ tried to throw”

I wish I'd seen that random christmas supermarket shop one at the time! My twins were 8 months old so "D"H did the Christmas supermarket shop alone - I said to him to get something easy for Christmas dinner and he came back from Tesco with a whole fresh salmon! I made him prepare it though. Scales everywhere!

@GenuineKlatchianPottery

*Today 00:30 FlouncerInDenial

GenuineKlatchianPottery
A thread that’s now in classics.
OP kept hearing sex noises coming from her hedge.
Unanimous vote from MN “It’s foxes”
OP replies “I’ve never heard a fox ask for a finger up their bum”.
If you'd read the thread, love, you'd know it was hedgehogs, not foxes.
Slightly cringing for you.

If you're going to quote something, at least do it with knowledge*

I’m frightfully sorry. I shall leave the thread forthwith and will never reminisce again.
Pfft

You forgot to mention how cringey you now feel .

Old Flouncer was a barrel of fun weren't they?

@Hoppinggreen

I’ve been mentioned twice on here I was the one who starred ww3 amongst our friends with the argument about eating mothers AND I was the idiot who took my coat off so baby DD was wearing 1 more layer than me I should be embarrassed but I’m not

I have found my people

'Boil in the vag curry' typo and the woman who wiped her arse with a wet pebble are my takeaways.

there was one a while ago where the OP was annoyed that her DH (I think?) kept leaving sausages in his trouser pockets! Not a euphemism btw!

I learnt the phrase "fanny gallops" from mn, and often think it! Try not to use it out loud except with one friend, who also thought it was hilarious and very apt!

@CorianderBlues and @Chutneymaura Penis beaker was what got me on to mumsnet all those years ago! (long before I was pregnant lol)

I remember reading about a woman who wanted to learn to drive, and she thought she'd prefer to learn in a "manuel" (as opposed to an automatic).

The first reply was "Que?" 😂 😂

I'm sure I remember one about stealing a loaf a bread, and the entire thread was just Les Mis lyrics.

Does anyone remember 'Matthew, mind your penis!'

I still randomly giggle over a thread where the OP’s mum had to be put in an ambulance, and kept farting.

Every time she farted, she said ‘I’m sorry, Alan.’ Funny enough - even funnier that the paramedic’s name wasn’t Alan.

She was okay in the end so I don’t feel too guilty laughing.

OP: I have three mangos, what can I do with them
Poster: juggle them
OP:

@GenuineKlatchianPottery

*Today 00:30 FlouncerInDenial

GenuineKlatchianPottery
A thread that’s now in classics.
OP kept hearing sex noises coming from her hedge.
Unanimous vote from MN “It’s foxes”
OP replies “I’ve never heard a fox ask for a finger up their bum”.
If you'd read the thread, love, you'd know it was hedgehogs, not foxes.
Slightly cringing for you.

If you're going to quote something, at least do it with knowledge*

I’m frightfully sorry. I shall leave the thread forthwith and will never reminisce again.
Pfft

You are vindicated, there were indeed foxes mentioned. I quoted the original op of the sex hedge mystery a couple pages back saying exactly as you quoted: OP replies “I’ve never heard a fox ask for a finger up their bum”. I even left the time stamp on it. No leaving for you

Page 7 near the top (had to go check)

@LadyJaye

I would be forever grateful if somebody could link to the 'IT Advice for Ladies' thread. 😀

LadyJaye

I hope this link works

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/2307274-I-am-everything-you-hate-about-people-on-the-internet-I-am-here-to-help?pg=1

£80!! I used to get them for free at the school disco!

I'm dead