The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

Reports of a naked man in the woods, police are investigating.

A video of a starling murmuration.

Passive agressive warnings about bonfires people are planning.
People being hysterical over 200 houses being built on land that has been in the plan for development since 1975.
Local plan seems to be we need housing but not here.

Politics
Water went off sonwss about 25 separate posts about that

Hot topics on village FB here this past week or so:
Planning applications
Teenagers being arseholes (all age groups in the teen years)
Speeding cars
Halloween

Pumpkin hunt around the town.

Kickoffs over what's deemed an essential shop or not.

Dog poo problem getting out of control again.

Fireworks, horses and dogs.
Horses and dogs hate fireworks apparently.
The page is flooded with complaints throughout October, November and December.

Oh and we have a helicopter one from last night too. 😂

Also forgot the Nottingham Knockers who have been plaguing the villages here pretty much since July. They come round every few weeks at the moment and swear at people who won’t buy their tat.

marvelous
Dog poo not being picked up.
Dog poo that is picked up but left in baggies in bushes, hung from trees, etc
Dogs off leads. Dogs attacking other people's dogs.

This too! 😂

This week is multiple halloween related posts. Those who are going trick and treating vs those who are not going trick and treating. It’s all very hostile and dramatic with one side saying they will not have their children’s lives ruined by keeping them at home and the other side saying they are basically virus spreading murderers. .

I used to live in a very small village and it really started to kick off during lockdown, lots of village rivalry began bubbling to the top, plenty of accusations thrown about and the village clown who would plonk himself in the argument and stir things up...then I moved lol, now the local town just natterings of some old buildings being redeveloped and loads of pictures of the local wildlife, last night was pictures of ploughed fields with rainbows over tractors...much less stressful lol.

Love the word "fewmin"!!!

At the moment it's people filming their dogs shaking at fireworks and posting incoherent messages with lots of 😡 emojis about people being selfish dicks and how the government should ban fireworks.

Have fireworks got louder? I don’t remember hearing this from pet owners years ago.
I do remember ‘check your bonfire for cats and hedgehogs’ 🦔 though.

Some of these are comedy gold. The poltergeist problem is my favourite so far

I'm in London z2 so weekly reports about how teenagers are mugging young teens for their bikes, filming it and threatening (and carrying through) with stabbings if they go to the police . This is a "naice" area...

My fav post was last year. Teens throwing eggs. That's as serious as it gets round here.
Posts suggested the Co op was the root cause of all this. For selling eggs. And really you should not be allowed to buy eggs until you were 18. They should check IDs.
It's also the parents fault. After all where were they getting the money to buy eggs?

The dog poop and general batshittery has been replaced almost exclusively with pressing covid related issues. There's one elderly crank who is telling to cancel christmas, about 50 people are arguing with him. Er, the usual "I need xxx item for free." with added comment that they are a key worker. Oh and masks/anti masks. Every day all day.
We are a large village right on the edge of a teir 3 borough. Think a lot of people think we are a cut above, hence the preaching.

Cats on our page. Usually someone has found and adopted a "lost" cat. Someone else's cat has failed to return home and has anyone seen it. Lots of crazy cat people.

Not on the ‘village’ page (heaven forbid) but members of the main town page often offer skip worthy stuff for ‘free’.
The worst one recently was an really old Rotten concrete/ render & wood garage with (I’m guessing) asbestos roof.
‘Free garage must be dismantled by person collecting.’ I need to check to see if they got any takers 😂

People saying that because they have a horse, no one in the area is allowed fireworks.

No parking problems because it is half term
28 food parcels given out by the Foodbank.
Who would like two minutes silence on their doorstop (sic) for Remembrance Day.
Would anyone like a burglar to play on the town square on Remembrance Day, possibly with a PA so we can all hear it without gathering there.
Pretty pictures of sunrises/ sunsets
Can anyone recommend...
Quite boring compared with some others on here. Not even a fireworks one.

Haha bugler, not burglar, although a bugling burglar could be interesting.

*"Foreign" people in white vans driving about suspiciously.

How you can tell they have "foreign" accent when they just drove by is beyond me

Not just a 'foreign' accent, but Eastern European. I think you must live in my locality, @Geldhorn*

Maybe you both live in my daughter'svillage. The 'foreigners' are described as Eastern European or 'half-caste' (nice!) Admittedly all these posts originate from one person.