The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

@MintyMabel

Oh for goodness sake. Again? Karen (bold is me tagging an actual Karen who lives in the village). In the 5 min it took her to respond about 18 people had had a go at me hmm

That’s quite funny 😁. Did anyone apologise?

Nope, they just disappeared.

One of the local pages im on are obsessed with Christmas jingle they know where you can get bells the other is relatively quiet

It was about a couple of fireworks going off this week - that always get people going in my area. Someone else reckoned a potential burglar had tampered with their security light when it was so obviously a pissed off neighbour trying to redirect it. My favourite posts are when someone gets a shitty note on their car about parking.

@Charleyhorses

My fav post was last year. Teens throwing eggs. That's as serious as it gets round here. Posts suggested the Co op was the root cause of all this. For selling eggs. And really you should not be allowed to buy eggs until you were 18. They should check IDs. It's also the parents fault. After all where were they getting the money to buy eggs?

We've got exactly the same on ours.

• someone had dog poo smeared on their car. But apparently they know who did it so not sure why they needed to post about it.

• anyone else have a power cut last night? This is the THIRD power cut this year!!!!!!!!! Plus security camera footage of garage lights going out to prove it

• I need someone who can catch a badger legally

• Someone naming and shaming a lorry that cut them up. Except they don't have the numberplate or the company.

• Bell jingling and pumpkin hunting constantly

My favourite this morning: ‘can anyone else hear that noise?’

@Nutmegpapaya not if the village you live in is in Warrington

What is Christmas Jingle?

Oh we had a man in a hoodie wandering up and down a street last night " lock your doors folks"

@QuestionableMouse

My very small village has two groups which is hilarious because the admins hate each other and if you post something on one, you're not allowed to post it on the other.

The pub has just redone the menu and keeps posting pics of really unappetising food. It's all covered in greasy looking sauces.

There was a fight over dog poo not being picked up.

Oh yes, the village FB group faction that starts up an alternative group and instead of calling it “Moaning-on-the-Water Community Group” it is named passive aggressively “The FRIENDLY Moaning-on-the-Water Community Group”. All because admin Janet had a bust up with admin Jackie at the school gates over Avon territories, so has formed a splinter group, or admin Kevin has parked over admin Wayne’s driveway AGAIN so Wayne has gone underground and formed a new village FB page that will be “fun and friendly” but soon descends into the usual fireworks and dog shit posts with the occasion smattering of libel.

Community FB pages are absolutely one of my favourite pastimes.

What is Christmas Jingle?

We have all to stand on our doorsteps 6p, Christmas eve and jingle bells for Santa, I have no idea where it started but its for the kiddies so if you don't do it you are a monster !

I got outed and slated by someone once on my village group who complained that I didn’t ‘stop’ a shoplifter (large man, big case of beer in his hand) who was running out of a local shop away from security.

I’m 5ft 4, had just got to the top of some pretty steep steps to even be stupid enough to consider wrestling anyone, and I had two shopping bags and an ice lolly in my hand - I wasn’t sacrificing that for anyone

Who wants an Avon catalogue free in their inbox?
Someone giving away battered looking toys.
Look at me, donating to the food bank! With a photo so you can admire me!
Blaming people for us being in Tier 3
Virtual Christmas markets
Reasons why they hate the parish council this week.

6pm*

Noise from the playground or teenagers playing football by the village hall

Does anyone want X item for free

Complaints about parking by the school...small village, with too few residents to populate it vastly oversubscribed by neighbouring town makes this kind of inevitable.

Drop off points for donations to foodbank

Halloween sweet deliveries for isolated kids

People driving loudly

Fly tipping

Janet: “Please delete if not aloud - I’m selling Arbonne and just letting you all know I’ll be placing an order later if you want to add something”

Me: I can’t hear it so I’ve asked for your post to be deleted.

Janet: sorry, what?

Jingle Bells hasn't reached our neck of the woods yet luckily.
No doubt someone will hear about it and do it on the town square with a PA, with a singer in attendance to sing the song (badly).

I'm in Australia so lots of pictures of snakes coming out of hibernation and being found in gardens and discussions on what to do.

Also a nice post by a farmer offering a bottle of red wine to the first person who correctly guesses how many round bales he got out of his paddock this year. .... and then reminding people to be patient behind all the tractors on the road at this time of year.

Bird murder:
Someone found a dead bird on their balconey - what do I do with it? Cue everyone saying put it in the bin. Photo of the eviscerated dead bird. Everyone saying how terrible/sad and discussing what could have caused it. Although hawks are suggested the general consensus is that it was seagulls - then a big discussion about how terrible seagulls are and they should all be shot.
Also - "I found a cat just wondering the street - he must be lost. We caught him and he's in our house but he keeps scratching at the door trying to get out. What do we do next?"
Seperate post "has anyone seen my cat?"

@Saz12 village name beginning with K ?

Pumpkin trail
Bussiness giving out free meals for children
Santa jingle - I told my partner thinking he'd pull his face, he actually wants to do it with the toddler now
Dog poo, always dog poo and dogs without leads on the dog park.

I had to leave my local Facebook group due to the stress and anxiety it gave me thinking I was living in a criminal underground 😂 The last straw was when the local takeaway posted cctv footage of someone having a poo at their back door, shocking,but at least they wiped their bum with the tissue they had in their bag 😮😂

Fireworks setting the dogs off, a rainbow over the village, someone selling cakes.

Ours just had this posted on it. Our MP is a Tory wanker who is one of the 322. There are people calling her out on it, but sadly posters like the one who posted this are in much higher supply.

@annetwackie hahaha oh god that group gives me so much entertainment. I lurk in it without commenting and me and a group of friends just screenshot the ridiculousness and send to each other in our group chat. I feel like I need to change my username on here now