The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

@alphajuliet123

Last week someone reported two youths hanging around on her road, constantly looking at their phones and looking like they were taking photos. Sent out a warning to the whole area, and called the local bobby.

Turns out they were looking for Pokemon.

That's a classic.

I'm not in a village but my local group's latest posts include:

• recommendation for a local restaurant
• Love In A Bag post ready for Christmas
• asking if there's anything for kids to do over half term (answers: various pumpkin/bear trails, kids actually city camp, bowling, trampoline park...)
• lots of places doing free meals for kids over half term, no questions asked. Our town's come up trumps on that one.

#Frumpety... yes!!!!

A woman (not even local, from a village about 15 miles away) had a 'mass anti-mask protest' - she and a group of 'about 12 to 15 others' stormed Asda without masks on and, uh, did some shopping

I guess the exact numbers are hard to pinpoint when you have a mob like that!

The woman, an unemployed holistic therapist, said 'It's like WW2 with everyone policing each other'

Why do they always have bun fights on village fb groups
It’s so weird

Halloween Scarecrows, Artisan Craft Fair, a lost parcel and a loose cow, exactly the reason I moved here Our local town however (by the sea) isn't so pleasant many wars of words re locals and holidaymakers.

Someone has ridden a horse to the local chemist, asked a random stranger to hold the reins so they could go into the shop. They fell off whilst trying to dismount..

Horse rider sounds like they have been on the breakfast sherry

Someone has ridden a horse to the local chemist, asked a random stranger to hold the reins so they could go into the shop. They fell off whilst trying to dismount..

A shop has put a massive and garish Christmas tree in their window. One person said is it not too early for this (I agree). Whole town has piled calling the OP names and the shop owner is liking every nasty comment and adding "thank you hun" type sentiments 🙄

The Nottingham Knockers are back out, but apparently they don't need reporting to the police because they're "only trying to earn some money". This from the same people who go batshit when anything blows out their locked garden in a storm because y'know "all them snakes hun, they steel anything not tied down".

I hate my local pages, they attract all the morons and one of the admins covers about three of them. She uses them to advertise her MLM even though MLM is banned on one group, but she wrote the rules so she knows what's OK and what's not.

Someone on mine complained that when they walked down a footpath, someone else was walking behind them. Comments evenly split between ‘obviously a creep, you should have reported it to the police, what if the next person is the victim of an attack’ and ‘Stop being so melodramatic, as if anyone would bother attacking you anyway’.

Somebody parked a white van in a street for a while - clearly they’re planning a robbery or they’re dog thieves.

Someone is selling ‘luxury door bows’ - hideous, blousy concoctions of organza and baubles designed - I think - to make your front door look like a wrapped present. An absolute steal at only £45 each.

This thread makes me feel like I'm in a Jilly Cooper novel

Oh we had ginormous door bows last year they are. Something

The admin stopped the sellers unless they were legit local business so we haven't had anything garish for ages.

Road works and the new traffic lights

Bonfires - a post from July which is still raging

Admin is a Nazi/Covid - every now and then someone will post a batshit YouTube link which the page admins delete

Admin/gestapo is a local busybody who blocks anyone who disagrees with her

Love In A Bag post ready for Christmas

What on God’s sweet earth are these?

I deleted my Next door app, though we have had severel police drive by's in our close, some on a Kubuto which is very noisy

I almost wanted to see if there were any comments but not enough to get the app again

@zaphodbeeble

Admin/gestapo is a local busybody who blocks anyone who disagrees with her

We have one of these too

I'm not allowed in our local Facebook group because you had to:

1. Have your 'home town' set as the town the group is for
2. Have your profile picture as yourself to make sure it's really you
3. Be Facebook friends with the 8 admins

I sent one of them a message saying this was a bit silly as anyone can set their home town to anywhere, you can grab a picture off the internet of any human being if you want (they can't possibly know every single face in the town for goodness sake) and it's unreasonable that they want every single member to be friends with the 8 admins who they don't even know.

So they said well if you're not happy with the rules you can fuck off and make your own group.

Meanwhile, my dad is a member of the group, despite not having lived in the town for years (he's just never changed his Facebook info). So their security system doesn't even work!

This didn't happen recently, but got mentioned on our local village Facebook page tonight, in response to something about Halloween trails, and will probably kick off again now. In our house we call it Shitty McShit-tree, but to everyone else it is the local 'fairy tree'

This was a tree in a local beauty spot that someone put a little wooded fairy door onto. Then a few children left a couple (literally 2 or 3) little painted stones. This was how it stayed for a year or so.

Then over the summer, with everyone going out for their daily walk, lots of children started leaving 'gifts' for the fairies. The tree quickly became overrun; completely covered in all sorts of plastic tat. There was tons of it.

Then the kids started to leave notes and drawings for the fairies. So someone put some scrappy bits of paper and pencils in an old tobacco tin and hung it from the tree, to assist with this.

Parents didn't want their kids drawings to get wet, so they started hanging them from the tree in plastic food bags (or in one case, a dog-poo bag! - honestly, you couldn't make this up!)

Eventually, a group of people decided to go and clear up the tree. They posted on the local Facebook group to say they were going to clear it up, leaving the original little door and the painted stones. They would also leave a little note from the 'fairy' thanking the children for their gifts and saying they had taken them all back to fairly land.

Well, it kicked off. So many angry parents, furious that their child's precious Kinder egg shite was no longer going to strung up on a tree. Saying this tree was the only thing keeping children going during the pandemic. Some of the children weren't even that young, so it wouldn't have been that difficult for the parents to explain about the environmental impact of hanging plastic bags from trees!

This was months ago and there are still angry rumblings about it on there now.

LOL that's hilarious @KNain.

We had a trail of painted pebbles which some kind soul has painstakingly painted with clear nail polish so as to maintain them. I've kept well out of it, having no small kids.