What’s the most mortifying situation you’ve ever found yourself in?

[RosieLemonade]

I was once round my MIL and FILs having Christmas drinks when MILs affair came out. It was excruciating. All the (adult) children were crying and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. DH wouldn’t come home because he wanted to stay with his dad so I just keep making cups of tea and doing washing up! what’s been your most mortifying situation.

I have so many.

Once I was in a pub with my parents. I said I would nip to the loo and then walk round to the car park. They said they would go out the other exit to pick up a leaflet then drive round to pick me up.

I came out as they were just driving round. They pulled up and I got in the back of the car and shouted. 'Quick! Put your foot on the gas - I think we got away with it but we need to get out of here!'

Yes, it wasn't my parents. They were in the (identical) car just pulling up behind. The middle-aged man who had come to collect his wife and mother in law was somewhat taken aback. I can't remember what I said to him, but I do remember getting out of the car and holding the door open, making a sweeping gesture with my arm and a full bow, saying 'It's all yours!' to the startled MIL.

@OneFiveFour that's brilliant!

@BlueHawaii I had similar but with a male hamster that had a terrible swelling. He used to sit up, kind of pull his tail through to the front and look at it.

In the vet's waiting room, he was sitting in my hand, frozen (which he used to do if he was scared - think all the other animals and smells unsettled him) and other pet owners asked what was wrong with him. When I showed them they were all very concerned.

I'm not sure if mortified is the exact term for how I felt when I had to come back through the waiting room after seeing the vet. I told them what he had said:

'Male hamsters tend to be very well endowed for their size. Yours could win prizes'.

I made a run for the train and fell down the side in front of a rammed rush hour carriage. Mortified!

Managed to get myself up and tried to brush it off and pretend I was fine. Hobbled down a few carriages with everyone gawping and sniggering at me.

Finally got to a cabin where they hadn't seen so I could hide. Asked a woman to move her bag off the seat which she begrudgingly did. Panic over...

Nope. Suddenly the train conductor bursts through the door yelling "who just fell of the platform, was it you who fell down the side of the train?!" To the WHOLE cabin. I wanted to die. Despite almost sliding to the floor in my seat, he found me and made me sign the H&S paperwork and felt it was a really good time to educate me about not running on the platform.

Meanwhile the ice cold woman I was sat next to tried to become my best friend, wanting to know all the details.

I meant to send a cheeky boob shot to my husband. It went to our Rabbi instead. I had written “what do you think of these?” under the picture.
Our sweet Rabbi replied with “ Secret, I don’t think this was meant for me”. Rosh Hashanah service was excruciating for me that year.

@mnhq Another vote for classics. Dying of laughter here.

Took a selfie not realising my pyjama top had slipped down and exposed my nipple. Proceeded to upload it to Twitter. Thankfully I noticed before anyone commented but it was up there for way longer than I would've liked...

@OneFiveFour

Shamelessly place marking but I have t laughed at a thread so much in ages

A week after having my DS I'm alone at home, DS asleep and I decided to get a mirror and have a look down below at my stitches whilst reclining on the sofa listening to my music, which in hindsight was quite loud.
Naked from the waist down and legs apart I'm there with my mirror.
Fil then walks in the living room with ds's car seat he was returning.

I few years later I also did a massive obvious shart while out on a hike with the pils. Really bad and couldn't be disguised.

I have two. First one, I hear Liam Gallagher was in a bar/café round the corner from our house when I was a teenager. I rushed in, shyly asked if I could shake his hand, and then accidentally offered him the hand I was already carrying a sweet potato in (mum had sent me round the corner for one). I handed him the sweet potato, he looked nonplussed, I went beetroot and ran for it

The other one was when DS was a baby and I was feeding him on a packed train. He suddenly popped off the boob and the milk kept spraying - straight onto the trouser leg of the be-suited man sitting next to me. We both looked at his leg, then at each other, then at the leg again, and then I spewed profuse apologies whilst he looked horrified. We spent the rest of the journey with him eyeing poor 2-month-old DS like he was an unexploded bomb

Also, as a young teen I pulled my exercise book out of my bag at school and mindlessly laid it on my desk oblivious to the huge thick sanitary towel that had stuck itself to it whilst in my bag.

Not mortifying but pretty embarrassing- wearing tights and a knee length skirt for work one day- said tights were, how shall we put this- a bit overly elasticated- thinking they'd hold me in and all the rest, did they fuck. Walked the 10 minutes to the train station with the gusset gradually dragging down between my legs. With neither nowhere to hide to discreetly pull them up without simultaneously showing my arse to the world, I tried to walk with my feet together to stop them sliding down any further, but to no avail... when I got to my train they had rolled down to just above my knees- so I could barely step up on to the train...
Two ticket inspectors were standing talking by the train - they both stopped and just stared open mouthed as I pulled myself onto the train with my knees glued together...
I managed to hoist the bastard tights up on the train but was dreading the 20 min walk to work the other end... I then spent all day doing the same thing every hour or so...
The absolute feeling of bliss I felt that evening shoving the sodding things in the bin has not been beaten...even though they cost me £10.

@Palmtree76

Got into a car outside a pub when I was hammered as thought it was my boyfriend who’d come to meet me. Jumped in and as I did I rubbed my hand on his knee very high (not crotch but suggestively close to) and shouted “take me to Macdonald’s!” And then realised it wasn’t my boyfriend or his car. Had to get out and then got my handbag caught on the handbrake and it was horrendous

Hahaha "take me to McDonald's"

Howling at this thread!!

About 35 years ago I was dashing to get to work on a very crowded street - I had stilletos on and was trying to light a fag. Because I wasn't concentrating I tripped, stepped out of my shoe and went flying through the air. I landed full square on top of a homeless man who was asleep in a doorway. He was screaming in shock and shouting 'Help somebody get this woman off me!!' A crowd had gathered by now and I was trying to get up off him. It was utterly mortifying and the worst thing was I then had to retrace my steps to collect my missing shoe!!!

This happened very recently and I am still not over the trauma of it. Friend of DPs called into house to collect bike parts. I’m in kitchen making small
talk with him whilst DP is in the shed looking for said bike parts when our dog bounces into the
kitchen and drops what looks like a ball of rolled up socks at the guys feet. I remarked how the dog loves to grab socks and drop at your feet to throw for him to fetch. The guy reaches down and picks up the socks, the dog grabs the other end in his
mouth and a game of tug ensues. I then noticed the ball of socks is unraveling and then, to
my horror, realise it’s a used sanitary towel that DD must have rolled into tissue and throw in bin in
bathroom. I started screaming at him to drop it. He looks closer, also realised what he has in his hand dropped it, screamed and did a pukey heave. DP arrives back to find me chasing the dog around the kitchen trying to retrieve the sanitary towel the dog is chewing away on.

Another one. I was going to an after work event In stilettos when one of the heels snapped off. Colleague went into a nearby shop and bought superglue to fix it. She someone managed to superglue my shoe to the pavement with
my foot still in. I had step out of shoe and hobble to the event shoeless leaving it firmly glued to the pavement outside.

My mother asked if I could collect her posh dress from the dry cleaners on my way home from college and to put it away in her wardrobe. College finished really early that day so I got the dress and jumped on the bus. When I got in I dumped my bag and took her dress staight up to her room. Not thinking much about it I strolled into her room to hang the dress only to be met with the vision of my mother lying naked on the bed, head right back , legs a'kimbo and in the thrones of leg shaking orgasm, pleading some basic Anglo Saxon to her pink plastic friend. I slowy closed the door and reversed down the stairs backwards. Some things just can't be unseen.

I'm proper chuckling at some of these, my cringey contributions are;
Bikini top snaps at a water park in florida in front of PILs, they were sweet and said they didn't see anything but I think they did.
Trousers rip exposing arse to PILs on a different holiday.
Out out with friends in a club, fella comes up and starts talking to me but I can't hear him over the music. I gesture to my wedding ring and say I'm married, he shouts in my ear that he just wanted to know where was open after. He then proceeds to tell all my friends .

HotPatootiebootie that's absolutely hilarious 😂

Loving these 😂

A couple of weeks after I started uni, I wrote a letter to my best friend back home. I went to the shop and bought a stamp and before I could write her address on it I dropped it under a parked car and I couldn't reach it. I waited a while but no one came so I just left it there.
I went home for the weekend, and when I came back on Monday I said hi to my housemates and was greeted with a dirty look. Weird I thought. It turns out, someone had found the letter and sent it to our flat without writing my name on it! In the letter was some stuff I'd written about my housemates (I said that one of them was racist and homophobic which she was, and the other one just seemed desperate to be friends with her for some reason, and that they made fun of our other flatmates eyebrows when she wasn't around)
The two of them didn't speak to me for the rest of the year and it was horrible!
I saw one of them back home a couple of years after (we were actually from towns about 10 minutes apart originally and uni wasn't that far away) and she apologised to me!

I went splat on my face at a busy country fair once. Everyone turned to gawp, just as a Labrador jumped on top of me

If anyone I know reads this I’m no longer anonymous....

I have a child with ADHD he does some really random stuff.

At the soft play bank holiday, place completely packed I’m discussing with my friend how difficult I’m finding his behaviour, she is consoling me telling me all kids do this and that etc.

The place goes a bit quiet and I look round my son is completely naked climbing on the counter trying to reach the fruit they had on for sale - iv never moved so fast in my life.

He is also very good at climbing trees and went through a stage of climbing to the very top of high trees then telling any other kids near by that he was stuck, they tell their parents all the parents are now stood at the tree ‘shall I ring the fire brigade’ ‘ oh he must be so scared’ ‘how shall we get him down etc’ I’m stood there all quiet waiting....waiting for the moment when he feels he has enough of an audience then he flips down like Spider-Man to the gasps of all the parents, wipes his hands on his trousers at the bottom and walks off without saying a word! I’m left there looking sheepish wondering if I should explain him or not while the other parents pick their jaws up off the floor and stare at me. He’s done that loads of times.

He also got his arse out once in assembly when everyone shouted ‘amen’ He literally jump up shouted amen really loud, dropped his trousers and slapped his bare arse. I just put my head down and kept it there for the rest of the assembly.

Also calls people as he sees them. ‘Hello old man’ to people in the street Or ‘thanks old lady’ to some nice old women behind a shop counter.

Locked his teacher in a store cupboard she was stuck for about half an hour while the TA searched for her. Another embarrassing meeting with the head for me.

God I could go on all night....

A few years ago I was delivering a trading course at a venue beside a river. The river had some barges & boats that operated as bars.

I was staying overnight. When I finished the training I went for a walk beside the river & decided I’d like a glass of wine. I got on one of the bar boats & sat down. A man appeared & asked if he could help me. I asked him what red wine did he have. I settled on a Malbec, I very happily drank it with the Barman coming & going & eventually sat opposite me chatting. When I finished I took out €10 & feeling generous told him to keep the change.

He said, this is my boat, I don’t charge guests. It wasn’t a bar. C