What’s the most mortifying situation you’ve ever found yourself in?

[RosieLemonade]

I was once round my MIL and FILs having Christmas drinks when MILs affair came out. It was excruciating. All the (adult) children were crying and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. DH wouldn’t come home because he wanted to stay with his dad so I just keep making cups of tea and doing washing up! what’s been your most mortifying situation.

Sucking the dentists finger has made me
Cry with laughter 😂

I need threads like this!

When I was in Y7, I had mistakenly been put in the wrong form on the first day.
So a teacher came to fetch me and deliver me to the correct classroom.

As if that wasn't mortifying enough for an 11 yr old shy girl, when I got to the actual classroom, all seats were occupied.

Teacher was already in full flow & irritably told me to find a seat before going back to what she was teaching.

Everyone turned and stared as I looked around desperately for a seat. Then I spotted one right at the front.

Walked up there and to my horror realised there was no chair.

So instead of asking the teacher (like a normal person would do), I just...crouched.

I was crouched there, pretending to sit for a good ten minutes before the teacher noticed.

To her credit, she laughed & was v sweet about it.

While I was beet red for pretty much the whole day...

@IsAnybodyListening

Conversation about holidays and I said I didn't understand the point of wanking holidays and that I could think of better things to do.

Dp was crying. I meant to say I didn't understand the point of 'walking' holidays.

Now whenever I mention holidays in ANY form, Dp starts sniggering.

I’ve never met you but I love you

These are amazing!

As a teenager I had a mate who lived over the road, our families were quite friendly. One night when everyone at his was out we'd had a few drinks in his room and I ended up giving him a blow job, next thing his nan walked in, started absolutely flipping at me, he was trying to put his cock away and stop her hitting me while I just tried to run for it, she chased me out the house and down the road while he chased her apologising and trying to calm her down. After that her, his mum and his auntie all called me Dirty Gertie for years, and his nan told my mum I was a 'dirty mare' although thankfully didn't elaborate. I told my mum she was senile but I'm sure she noticed that the whole family suddenly hated me. For about 3 years I felt sick every time I saw any of them - still friends with the guy though and we did have a few more successful experiences over the years!

@Miriel

I didn't actually witness this, but friend of mine once entirely incapacitated a London tube station, with an espadrille.

It was back in the days when some of the smaller stations still had rickety old wooden escalators which sometimes had big gaps. She was a bit hesitant stepping off it, and her espadrille fell off, disappeared down the gap, and the whole escalator juddered to a halt. She, and the group she was with, had to spend several hours in the guard's office while they closed the station and called an engineer, who proceeded to completely dismantle the escalator and eventually retrieve her thoroughly mangled espadrille. She then had to walk around London with one shoe on until she could buy some more.

The escalator was a write-off and the station couldn't reopen that day. By pure coincidence, it happened to be the station which her friend's brother used on his daily commute. He arrived late home from work that day, saying 'Sorry, some idiot broke the tube station.' Cue the sister (who'd been present at the incident): 'Um, yeah, that was, um [name of best friend who the whole family had known for years].'

None of us ever wore espadrilles again.

I took my dog to the vet because she had a growth, it was a nipple.

When I was having DD1 the Dr needed to put the clip on her head (tracing her heartbeat I think).
He managed to clip his glove to her head. My mum was there until DH turned up and I said to her look I'm Sooty. Then I laughed so hard at my own joke I farted. All the while the poor man is crouched over me with his hand stuck up my chuff.

I just woke my DH up with my laughing! Bookmarking for tomorrow

I'm having to squint typing this I'm still cringing 23 years on.

Dbro walked in on dp and I shagging on my mum's dining room sofa right at the pivitol moment so to speak . I had no idea he was in the same country, let alone the fact he'd turn up at the fucking house and walk in.

He just carried on into the kitchen like he hadn't seen his little sis, legs akimbo, face flushed with the flushing of a very happy orgasm and DPS arse bobbing up and down.
For shame

To his credit he's never mentioned it but my soul was scarred on that day. Scarred.

I feel like more than one person on this thread is actually Mr Bean. Hilarious.

@Busybrain2020

Best one I've observed was when my entire extended team (150ish) went to a conference at a hotel, and we were all packed into one large room. During the first lecture, a colleague got up and because he was at the front the speaker paused to allow him to leave. He obviously felt pressure and started to hurrry. So we all watched in silence as this guy quickly walked into a large cupboard. And then we waited. And then he exited the cupboard (to much applause) and left the room instead to go to the loo as originally intended!

This undid me Am chortling away!

I had been with my boyfriend for about 8 months, didn't really know him. His family made it clear by their facial expressions that I wasn't good enough for him.

We were having unprotected sex (stupid I know), and I got pregnant. My partner was absolutely shitting his pants, even though I had said I wanted a termination.

We go over to his parents and he takes his Mum off in to the kitchen. She comes back in looking horrified and says "congratulations! Did you want a baby because your brother has just had one". I wish the ground had fucking swallowed me up. His Mum, Dad, Sister and her husband were all there. The Sister messaged saying she thought it was a bad idea etc to have the baby.

We are still together now, 6 years later and have 2 kids. When I think back to that, I absolutely cannot believe it. Can't believe I stayed with him after he did that either🙈.

Right- I've never shared this with anyone but my husband and brother.

I'd just had my second child in less than a year a few months earlier. Been suffering with constipation. Stupidly took 3 dulcolax instead of the recommended one, thinking wouldnt go anywhere that day.

Early afternoon my husband said, the kids will be napping, why don't you go and treat yourself to a bit of clothes shopping downtown. Great, I thought. Was halfway between debenhams and primark when the urge came over me. I really needed to go.

I ran for it to mcdonalds, which wasnt far away, just up the high street. Hooded it up the stairs but it was too late. The most awful diarrhoea came machine gunning out of my bum and running down my legs. There was so much of it. The worst thing was I started what I can only describe as panicked screaming as I hit the top floor. I dread to think of the buggers looking up , mid burger, to see me running along towards the toilets with poo all along the floor behind me.
Please, please believe me I am no poo troll and not making this up. It was the worst afternoon ever. I had to take off my bottom half of clothes and stick them in the sanitary waste bin. Then I had to call my husband who stoically drove down with a chance of clothes for me. Waiting for him was terrible. Women/ girls were coming in going "what is that smell? It smells of shit and bleach" and I had to hide and wait, knowing full well some poor mcdonalds worker had had to come along and clean all that up, and possible deal with complaints from the customers who were sat there when I propelled my way up the stairs.
Absolutely terrible.
And my poor loyal husband. Walked into the ladies with a head held high, despite the stink, then waited outside the toilets for me while I got dressed. I actually couldn't believe he was there actually, I would've brought the clothes and scarped back to the car.
I then came out at the worst possible time, with three young teens in there, looking me and up and down in disgust as I washed my hands. One theatrically had her hands holding her nose. I isnt make eye contact.

The bloody horror.

@Notashandyta you poor thing! I have IBS and this is my worst nightmare!

@Notashandyta
Bless you! And what a great DH too. I had something very similar happen (have IBS too) after leaving tescos, but luckily, I only had a 5 minute walk home. Tied my cardigan around my waste and waddled home whilst crying on the phone to DP! He helped run me a shower, bag my clothes up, and thankfully, never mentioned it again. Thank goodness for decent partners, eh!

waist**

In 2009 I went to Creamfields with friends and my ex, our first proper date. He had borrowed his sons Scooby Doo sleeping bag, which we shared. On the Saturday evening, we partied hard and I drank a shit ton of Red Bull.
Woke up on the Sunday morning, having shat in the sleeping bag next to him.

Back when I was about 19, I'd heard that an old school friend was pregnant. Was in Wilkos one morning when I spotted her at the front of the queue. I ran over to her, gave her a hug, put my head on her belly and started excitedly giggling and exclaiming 'hello baby Melanie!!'. She informed me, in front of a queue of people, that she had miscarried.

Was shagging my first long term boyfriend, naked, under the covers in his bed, when his Mum walked in and clearly feeling awkward, decided to ignore the situation, sat on the end of his bed and started talking to him about his Gran coming over that day to visit the town market.

Sneezed really hard on a train coming back from London just as the conductor came to my table. As I gave him the money for the journey, I noticed a massive glob of snot on my hand, bit didn't want to draw attention to it. Took my ticket from him, he left the table, I looked at my hand and the snot had gone :/

My Dad walked in on my ex partner performing oral sex on me. We could of got away with it (possibly) but ex partner decided to surface from halfway up under the duvet cover and sit and grin at my Dad like a Cheshire Cat.

A colleague yoiked open the door of the loo at work just as I was getting up. Dodgy lock.

The exact same thing happened to me with a mum at school when I was using the loo and forgot the lock the second door and she managed to open the outer one.

In the back of the car with DH. I had been treated to a special lunch with him and mil and had imbibed wine.

Had to hop out of the car, but the child lock was on. DH let the window down and rather than open the door from the outside I attempted to climb through the window. DH and Mil were creased.

Back when TTC, I sent a text to ExDh along the lines of "hurry home big boy and give me a good seeing to. Remember I'm ovulating!".

Only I'd sent it to my dad

My dad, who was a real player back in the day, was completely unphased and sent me around twenty laughing emojis back, and said how excited he was at the prospect of his first grandchild. Still makes me go all hot thinking about it though!

Oh, and another one!

I was around 18 and was with a group of friends/acquaintances that I knew as we all went to the same rock bar in the town. Including a bloke that I really fancied. We'd had a few drinks and were getting something to eat in a Chinese restaurant before going to the bar.

The waiter came over and everyone was ordering in turn, as you do. When he got to me, for some inexplicable reason I said REALLY LOUDLY (unlike me) and with a lot of gusto: "I LOVE DICK!!" I meant to say that I loved duck.

The rest of the group (all boys) promptly pissed themselves laughing and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I never heard the end of it! But, it obviously served me well as I pulled that bloke the same night and we were together for 18 months in the end

Our vicar came round to discuss my MIL’s funeral arrangements. We ushered him into the living room where he was greeted by a used sanitary towel which our learning disabled DD, who was just getting used to the idea of periods, had left lying in the middle of the carpet.

Everytime I watch something that happens to have even one sex scene - of course that is the moment someone burst into house/room/peaks over shoulder. I look like I like a lot of rude stuff to my friends and family

I might die if caught in act

This thread can basically be summed up by the words “ shit, shagging and farts” !