What’s the most mortifying situation you’ve ever found yourself in?

[RosieLemonade]

I was once round my MIL and FILs having Christmas drinks when MILs affair came out. It was excruciating. All the (adult) children were crying and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. DH wouldn’t come home because he wanted to stay with his dad so I just keep making cups of tea and doing washing up! what’s been your most mortifying situation.

My foof was at eye height with feet riding high in stirrups after 6 hours in labour plus an epidural. I sensed it coming and heard it clearly "Paarp..... PAAARP" like a deflating balloon, I farted straight into the face of the male consultant.
Fucking mortified. Husband then tried to waft the smell.

@Findmeonetsy and @Northernsoullover - truly winning the internet tonight.

Thank you all for the laughs!

one time when I was about 19, me and my then boyfriend had sex in the living room. To, ahem, clear up we used the only thing that was in the room suitable - a sanitary pad.

that evening, him and his mum picked me up after they had both finished work and they were silent when I got in which was unusual. his mum goes "did you forget to take something with you this morning" I said I dont think so what do you mean - his mum proceeded to launch into a speech about how we were all young and in love once but how disgusting it was to leave something like that and so forth. I cannot explain the embarrassment which was not helped by the fact I was trapped in the car. looking back, I'm amazed I ever went round there again! shudder

@Findmeonetsy

Laughing my head off at high 5-info your boss! Reminded me when I was at the dentist, he had his finger in my mouth, shouted suction to the assistant. For some reason thought it was aimed at me, and I sucked his finger

This one has got me crying with laughter!

Oh your embarrassments are hilarious! Mine are just grim...

Shit myself at a house party aged 18. I was incredibly drunk. Went to bed in a spare room and when I woke up in the morning, found some magazines under the bed to wrap my shitty underwear. Then had to make my way downstairs and join in the chat as if nothing had happened. To this day I dont know if they knew I'd shit myself. One called me a party pooper when i went home, so maybe...

In conversation with my brother I said girls didnt masturbate. He said "I know that's bullshit cos me and paul saw you doing it". So my discrete wanks as a kid were not so discrete. Mortifying.

Also whilst pissed I think I told my friend I like bondage. I have a hazy memory of telling her and her hysterically laughing and running off.to tell people. Subsequently for weeks after her partners laddish mates asked random questions about whether I like to dominate. CRINGE. It's not even a preference I went as far as some fluffy handcuffs so feel very misrepresented but cant really go back and clarify.

Thank god phones and cameras were not around in my drunken/wanking/confessional days

A few from me and from DH

Fell down the stairs one day and managed to knock myself out landing with my leg underneath me and lost all feeling - que trauma team and a night on a stretcher with neck collar in an orthopaedic ward. Woke up in the morning and all the ladies on the ward were telling my why they were in there. One lady said she had broken her back falling of the arm of the sofa - I was shocked and said wow you wouldn't think that short distance would break your back, did you not get your arms out in time to break your fall. She said she was born with naturally short arms and the room went silent. They sat me up an hour or so later and I realise the poor lady had Hypochondroplasia I was mortified

Second we are on holiday, 5 year old DD with us and MIL and her mum on holiday with us (separate rooms). Daughter had her headphones in and DH and I thought we would have some quick fun in the shower. Our for dinner in the evening with MIL and her mum and daughter tells them both how mum had shared dad's shower but the water must have been too hot because she was making some really strange noises - never been so red

And from DH - I can't take him anywhere. First time meeting my family. He told my cousin what a good bloke her dad was - it was her partner (admittedly quite a bit older)

Second meeting another cousin for the first time, we walk in and him and his partner are both sitting at the table. They tell us about a white party they're going too. Husband says how he's pleased my cousin isn't wearing white trousers as man or woman apparently they just look trashy - his partner gets up from the table wearing her white trousers and says she Best go and get changed

@Findmeonetsy I did that once too! Very glad to hear someone else is as ridiculous as me.

I apologised afterwards, I think it made it even worse.

brilliant, tears of laughter at @HotPatootiebootie and @Findmeonetsy!!

I have many mortifying moments I;m sure but the one I still cry laughing at is last year at work. I was walking back to the office which has a raised walkway for access. As I went to step up onto walkway to go in the door, I turned my head to say hi to a customer and my colleague.
Totally misjudged step up, tripped badly (I was walking quick), headbutted the office door open and did a beautiful forward roll into the office. the door shut behind me and I landed in a heap at another colleague's feet.
my friend outside pee'd herself laughing and we still snigger about it!
Thankfully the cctv wasn't switched on or I'd be a youtube hit!

I was running a bit late for a Drs appointment so slung on the jeans I had on the night before, unknown to me I left my knickers in there, I was 18, everything was whipped off the night before, so off I went to check in, select a seat across a fairly large waiting room, pick up a magazine and wait. Something down my leg tugged but I just walked it off. Ten mins later name got shouted and I had to cross paths with this familiar looking white piece of cloth. I fucking froze looked around and no one met my eye contact so I just walked off and pretended I knew nothing about them

Picturing Northernsoullover's baby sat with his tiny hand on his head😂😂

@Northernsoullover

I've told this story before on here under an old user name. When my youngest was around 5 months old he was really unwell so duly trotted off to the GP. I had the baby on my lap as I was talking to the GP and he wanted to look in his throat. He said 'right if you could put one hand on his head and the other on his stomach so I can have a look in his mouth'. I took him at his word and took one of my baby's teeny tiny hands and placed it on his head and the other teeny hand on his stomach. I sort of posed him. The GP looked at me and said 'No Northern, YOUR hands' and looked at me like I had a screw loose. That GP always spoke really slowly to me after that as if I didn't have control of my faculties...

I'm laughing so much I woke DH up

Finally getting off with a guy after several months of mutually growing attraction, and we got a bit carried away (I'm guessing we were also probably quite drunk) and ended up somehow literally rolling around on the floor in the middle of the nightclub, like something out of a bad romcom. A crowd gathered around to watch, and everyone applauded us!

@Findmeonetsy brilliant

@Northernsoullover

I've told this story before on here under an old user name. When my youngest was around 5 months old he was really unwell so duly trotted off to the GP. I had the baby on my lap as I was talking to the GP and he wanted to look in his throat. He said 'right if you could put one hand on his head and the other on his stomach so I can have a look in his mouth'. I took him at his word and took one of my baby's teeny tiny hands and placed it on his head and the other teeny hand on his stomach. I sort of posed him. The GP looked at me and said 'No Northern, YOUR hands' and looked at me like I had a screw loose. That GP always spoke really slowly to me after that as if I didn't have control of my faculties...

😂😂 I keep imagining the teeny tiny hands

I can’t get over the teeny tiny hands 🤣🤣

I'd gone into hospital for a minor op which meant I has a mild sedative. This was many many many years ago.

I had the most bizarre dream that I had been rampaging through the corridors and being chased by dogs etc and strangers were trying to catch me for the "wicked witch's husband" so that he could feed me to her -the wicked witch.

When I came around a kindly looking man who was clearly the consultant who was supposed to have done my op was sitting right next to me in recovery. I thought it was odd. A nurse, yes, the consultant, bit weird. I was extremely tired. 'Are you ok?' he asked, I nodded. When I next woke up he was still there 'Are you ok Ms Keats?' I nodded puzzled. 'Do you feel any pain in your throat? your legs?' he asked -I couldn't really talk which was odd and my legs were immobile. My Dad was there and he looked worried. The consultant looked worried but very very kind.
The consultant then said 'Do you remember anything that happened in the theatre?' - I was massively confused. Nope. It turned out I hadn't reacted well to this mild sedative. I'd pulled out of the tubes, and gone on a rampage, and almost been darted like a wild animal. Apparently I had got beserk in the theatre -and then run screaming up and down the corridors in my gown -whilst someone tried to sedate me. There was no dogs, wild beasts or a wicked witch. It wasn't a "dream" it was my suspended reality. When they did eventually sedate me and catch me - I had two /three lost days, as I pretty much lost the plot coming out of whatever drugs and sedation they gave me etc.
To make matters worse -no one expected it -the reaction -I'm a tiny tiny woman who is very pleasant in real life (honestly). They didn't even get to do the op. Took me about 3 weeks to recover from something that I should have been back at school the next day.

I was beyond mortified despite the staff accepting my apology in full and telling me not to worry. But they should not have had to deal with that.

When I went back and on later ocassions when I've needed GA etc -they got a special team in to deal with the issues that the drugs caused me.

I was witness to one.

DP enthusiastically greeted a close female friend he hadn't seen for a while (who I hadn't met before).

They were chatting away and he leaned forward and said "And you're expecting!" and gently rubbed her tummy.

Except she wasn't expecting.

And he wasn't rubbing her tummy.

He was rubbing the bottom of one of her very large (braless) breasts.

He goes scarlet when I mention it

HotPatootiebootie[ grin]

Sucking a dentist's finger may be one of the funniest things I've ever read!

Ive made so many social faux pas I have forgotten most but 3 still burn me...

1. Coming home from a sixth form theatre trip and was being given a lift by a VERY well to do friend's brothers. I couldnt get my seatbelt on and for some unbeknown reason said 'oh for fuck's sake'. I then realised it was her brother and her mother and the whole car was silent. I never swore. They clearly did not. I dont know what possessed me.

1. Farting in the face of a wonderful doctor who was removing broken down stitch material from an infected episiotomy 5 days post partum. I had not shat since birth and I was a walking balloon. Frankly I was in so much pain and distress I was just so relieved he was helping me.

1. Very shy teenager, went to the bank to withdraw some money. Vaguely knew the lady behind the counter as a friend of my mum's. I literally MADE UP her asking me how i was. So entirely unsolicited I say 'I'm fine thanks, how r u?' She must have thought i was a right sarky mare.

Another dentist one. I was really afraid of needles, so my dentist agreed to sedate me for a procedure. I was at uni, and my dad had to drive me there and wait for me because I would be wobbly afterwards. At the end, I was aware that the dentist was playing one of my favourite bands, rather than his usual classic FM. When I complimented him on his excellent taste he said it was my CD, and I had told him exactly what I thought of his usual music. I am still really afraid of needles but have never been sedated since.

Still on the dentist, and round about the same time. I had awful toothache one weekend - wisdom tooth - and eventually my dad rang the dentist on Sunday morning and they told hi, to bring me in at 12. It was one of the other partners, who was very handsome, who was on call, and I looked like a bag of spanners, swollen face, eyes practically swollen shut from crying. I was mortified. The lovely dentist said he would extract the tooth but as there was no nurse, my dad would have to hold the suction thing. As soon as he injected me, my dad fainted clean away. I ended up being sent to A&E for a prescription, and had the tooth out later. An injection for absolutely no reason, the big horrible one practically in your ear too.

And a dog one. We used to have a lovely cocker spaniel who liked to carry around socks in his mouth. He preferred dirty socks, and would tip over the hamper to get them. One day a policeman came to the door and the dog was delighted to present him with some socks. The policeman played along and took them from him. Except they weren’t socks, they were my dirty knickers. (I still miss that dog though, god love him.)

‘Reminded me when I was at the dentist, he had his finger in my mouth, shouted suction to the assistant. For some reason thought it was aimed at me, and I sucked his finger‘

Awesome. 😂🤣😂

After the 5 yr highschool reunion party, very drunk went home with an old classmate. He lived above his parents flat, but in a separate flat. We started making out in the bedroom, but wanted to spice things up with multiple locations so switched to the office chair. Which slid through the corridor into the living room and to the other end wall where the kitchen was. Somewhere mid-living room and just below orgasm he said "Hi Mum". Mum was sitting on the couch reading a book. And yes, we finished regardless.

Same apartment next morning. We had another go at it, almost finished when mum walks in with 2 cups of cocoa. Haven't seen the guy since.

With my husband many years ago. He thought it'll be sexy to put me up on the stove top. Electric, so at least flat but with touch buttons. But somewhere along the line he managed to put his hand on the buttons. The A&E doctor laughed his head off (with my permission). Thankfully no really lasting damage done.

I also got a round of applause once for going to the loo.

I was about 18 or 19 and was at the birthday party of a friend a couple of years older, so although I knew her quite well I hardly knew anyone else there. Went to the loo and there was no loo roll, but I was only going for a quick wee so didn't stress about it.

I’m sitting there and suddenly there's a knock on the door and a male voice shouts 'Don't worry, help's on its way!' A few moments later a hand appears through the open fanlight window immediately behind me (downstairs bathroom, in the summer), clutching a loo roll, and the same voice says 'Here you go.'

'Oh, er, thanks,' I say, and take it.

'Is that enough?' he calls. 'Here's another one.' We both have to raise our voices slightly for this entire interaction.

'Um, ok.' Take second loo roll. 'Thanks, I’m fine now!'

'Well you may as well have the rest', he says, and one by one he passes in two further rolls and - just for good measure - a giant box of tissues. I’m heaping them all up around my feet as there's nowhere else to put them.

'Thanks, that's great. I've got quite enough now. Thanks again.'

Pause. Then, conversationally, he says, 'You know, I don't think I recognise your voice. How do you know Philippa?'

I’m still sitting with my bare arse out on the loo, just inches away from where he's standing with only a thin layer of frosted glass between us. I can't stand up until he goes because he'd see... pinkness, and movement. So I’m just sitting there willing him to go away and he's fucking chatting me up.

'Um, from school, but, um, you probably wouldn't know me. Thanks again for the toilet roll. Really appreciate it!'

Finally he took the hint and after another awkward pause he said 'Oh, ok. Guess I’ll see you when you come out!'

'Ha ha ha, guess so!' I cringed, and then once I was sure he'd actually gone, I finished up my business and came out of the bathroom. The hallway leading to it was absolutely lined with people, who all clapped and cheered as I exited.

I did NOT stay to find out the identity of my mystery benefactor, but made my excuses and went home as fast as I could!

i was 17 and dating a 21 year old mummies boy. he was an only child and she was uncomfortably (imo) close to him. used to sit holding his hand during films and constantly stroking his face telling him how good looking he was. one day we were alone in the house, doing the deed in his bed and she came in from work unexpectedly. we heard the front door and scrambled to put our clothes on. she came upstairs, opened his door and realized from our red faces and dishevelled appearance what we had been doing. she sat on the stairs and cried for over half an hour. i left him there comforting her, mid wail. we broke up not long after. he finally left home and got married 2 years ago (in his 40s)

@Findmeonetsy I am cry laughing at that. I really needed that as I feel terrible today. Thank you.