What’s the most mortifying situation you’ve ever found yourself in?

[RosieLemonade]

I was once round my MIL and FILs having Christmas drinks when MILs affair came out. It was excruciating. All the (adult) children were crying and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. DH wouldn’t come home because he wanted to stay with his dad so I just keep making cups of tea and doing washing up! what’s been your most mortifying situation.

I have so many. So many. Goes with the territory when you’re clumsy and awkward.

Disembarking from a boat, I slipped and fell on the pontoon and literally faceplanted into a man’s crotch. He was kind about it. I was mortified.

Going to the bar in a crowded pub, I tripped over my own feet and started to fall forwards. I put out my hands instinctively and bounced off the very generous breasts of the woman standing in front of me. She wasn’t as kind about it 😬

I was at an event in a large hall and the cleaners had clearly just polished the floor. I tripped over the feet of a notice board, hit the ground, slid for a while, finally coming to rest at the feet of a well dressed gentleman who peered down at me with a confused expression. Unfortunately I found this so funny that I couldn’t stand up, so I remained sitting at his feet crying with laughter until I pissed myself.

bouncydog nice one !

F

Too many to count.
Most recent was yesterday.
I messaged my sister to say I'd ordered her birthday gift and to let me know when it arrived.

She said ooh what is it?

I replied "wait and see"

Her reply? "She said to the blind woman "

My sister lost her sight a couple of years ago. She has absolutely no functional vision.

I almost sent a very sexual and vulgar text to my dad and once my aunt, that was meant for my husband. Telling him what I wanted him to do to me when he came in from work. So glad I realised before I pressed send.

I'm a vet and a woman was in with her dog. The dog had a lump which had recently grown a lot. I told her I'd take a photo to keep track of the size, and see her back in a few days to see if the medicine I prescribed had helped.
As I took out my phone to take the picture and point it towards the dog's leg, my most recent picture flashed up on the screen.
This poor woman got an eyeful of my haemorrhoid (I had taken the photo that morning wondering what on Earth was going on down there).
She went very quiet and then muttered 'Ooh, I'm not sure I should have seen that'.
I duly carried on as if nothing had happened.
The shame!

Not the most mortifying, but my first as an adult in my first job. I took my boss' hand when we were crossing the road after being at a meeting in a different office. I was only 18, he was in his 50s, and bless him he didn't react at all apart from making his hand go really straight so I could just slither mine away when I realised.

About a year later, I was getting off the coach to go to my cousin's wedding. I had a calf-length very narrow fitted skirt on, and I couldn't separate my legs to go down the stairs properly. I went head first down the steps, banged into my mum who was in front of me, she went over on her ankle, and I landed on the pavement outside the church, with everyone watching. My handbag opened up too, and actually I think that was the most embarrassing bit, watching everyone picking up my stuff and handing it back to me while I sat on the wall doing my very best "brave face" and trying unsuccessfully not to cry.

I've also been guilty of going in for a hug when someone offered a handshake, and of grabbing someone's hand to shake it when they were just trying to close the door behind me.

Standing in a queue in a shop while shopping with dd just before Christmas so it was very busy, left dd in queue to fetch something I'd forgotten, returned to queue behind dd and started stroking and playing with her hair, something we did, just plaiting/undoing etc...

Yep!

Wasn't dd!

In my defence from the back the woman was the spit of her and in almost identical clothes!

Ground swallow me now!

I've said "love you" at the end of so many phone calls now it no longer even embarrasses me! Today it was to the pharmacist at boots! He'll live!
But the best time was when my lovely gp replied "love you too"

Habitually say "thank you" to atms and self service tills too 🤷‍♀️

@WitchDancer this is SO outing but one of my cousins is a priest, nothing phases him he's heard/witnessed it all including farting (and much worse!) parishioners! So please don't worry

@myusernamewastakenbyme omg 

@Northernsoullover 

@StormcloakNord you wrecked a macaroni pie?! Sacrilege!

@OldieButaGoodie ahhh I bet you're not the only catholic to have done that! (Lapsed Catholic here - no ex catholic's just bad ones eh?)

@Graphista very lapsed Catholic here too - and yep, a bad one also

I was in my local chemist and was at the till. A lady was being served beside me at the same time. She had lots of items spread over the counter and they always have a special offer on a particular side of the till. Anyway I spotted this really expensive toothpaste that was on offer for £1. I lent over and picked it up and shouted to mum over the room "a quid! Bargain I'll have that" and gave it to the cashier... chuffed, and then felt someone's eyes burning holes in me, I turned around and the woman beside me went "that was my toothpaste..." whoops. I gave it back and apologised, laughing, but she looked less than impressed 😩

I tried to surreptitiously release a fart in the truck one day whilst waiting to take a newly passed driver out and show him the ropes (was trying to get it out before he joined me in the cab). I somehow ejected a small bum grape and ended up having to drive for 45 mins while sitting on it. 🤢 I was waiting in an area where I needed to be in the cab to potentially move the truck so couldn't just pop to the loo without causing a scene.

Perhaps I shouldn't have shared that... 😳

I was on a driving lesson with my instructor and stopped at some traffic lights, I reached for the handbrake and my hand ended up on his thigh. Quite high up too. Safe to say the lights took a particularly long time to change to green and not a word was said the whole time either 😩

@Findmeonetsy

Laughing my head off at high 5-info your boss! Reminded me when I was at the dentist, he had his finger in my mouth, shouted suction to the assistant. For some reason thought it was aimed at me, and I sucked his finger

@Findmeonetsy

Laughing my head off at high 5-info your boss! Reminded me when I was at the dentist, he had his finger in my mouth, shouted suction to the assistant. For some reason thought it was aimed at me, and I sucked his finger

😂😂😂😂

these are so funny

Dh started a new job jolly hockey sticks type work event rounders game dh managed to hit the ball squarely in the face of petite senior colleague and she was raced to a and e. Mortifying. He’s usually very careful so don’t know what happened!

Mine is I had a kidney scan at the hospital was told to put on backless gown etc all fine. A few weeks later I had first pregnancy scan was showing off to dh that I knew the system stripped off put on gown. Didn’t clock none of the other pregnant women did this. When it was our turn sonigrapher said “why are you in a gown” and I bluffed it by saying I just enjoyed wearing it. Cringe!

I once took my elderly dog to the vet panicking because I'd found what I thought was a lump until my vet looked at me, deadpan, and said "it's not a lump, it's her vulva" 😅he didn't charge me for the visit which was kind of him.

Conversation about holidays and I said I didn't understand the point of wanking holidays and that I could think of better things to do.

Dp was crying. I meant to say I didn't understand the point of 'walking' holidays.

Now whenever I mention holidays in ANY form, Dp starts sniggering.

Love some of these!
I've related mine before... have a couple actually.

Away abroad on a girl's holiday. Few drinks one evening getting read to go out.

I took a pic of my not insubstantial cleavage to send to DH who was at home with the kids.

I put "I bet you'd like to get your hands on these babies!"

Only trouble is... I'd been texting my 16 year old nephew about a surprise for his Mum, my sister, and he was the last one in contacts...

Yep.
I sent it to him by accident.

I did what anyone else would do.
Press the button a thousand times to try and stop it. Didn't work. It sent. (it was before whatsapp, it was an MMS and you couldn't stop them sending!)
Hope he wasn't traumatised...

I had just moved into a new apartment in Germany.

My apartment was on the 2nd floor and had a large window which looked out over the flat roof of the ground floor apartment.
The landlady lived on the ground floor and her son and DIL on the first floor. This is all relevant.

That first evening I went to a works Bonfire party. I cycled and wore many layers of clothes. When I came home quite late I was tired and just wanted to get into bed. I took off all my layers of clothes in one go - so knickers, woolly tights, leggings & jeans, and because they were a bit ashy from the bonfire I shook them out of the window.

As my knickers flew out I realised this wasn't the best idea. Unfortunately they landed on the flat roof so I knew that in the morning, my landlady's son would look out of his window and see my pants on the roof.
They would know they were mine. I had been there ONE day.
My O level German had not taught me to say "excuse me but I've thrown my knickers on your roof".

"Luckily" the landlady was coming up to the flat with some cake later, just to get to know me. How lovely. So in she came, and I knew I had to tell her. I encouraged her to come over to the window and showed her my now soggy, rather sad looking knickers and completely failed in explaining how they got there.

Anyway, the next evening when I came back from work I found my knickers in a little bag hanging on my door handle. Her son had gone onto the roof to get them and returned them to me. I was mortified.

The rest of my year there went smoothly.

Have never told anyone this but was on holiday in Gran Canaria as a teenager (17).
Went to a water park and wore a new bikini bought specially for the holiday. While my family were in the cafe area I spent extra time on the water slides as I had noticed a group of about 3 boys looking my way.
I was doing my best to look attractive, as much as you can on water slides and noticed they were following me around while I was out of the water. Smiled at them a bit and noticed they were laughing a bit which I ignored and carried on concentrating on trying to pose and smile over at them at every opportunity.

It wasn’t until I was going on one of the biggest slides that I noticed them following me again, this time making frequent ‘fart’ noises as well as pointing.

I then discovered that my new bikini must have got caught on part of one of the slides as I was coming down and I now had a hole in the back in a really unfortunate spot.
Still completely cringe when I think about it and was 15 years ago.

Id been to the loo in a nightclub and as I approached the dance floor a man beckoned me over.I thought he was going to chat me up but he just wanted to let me know that my short dress was tucked into my thong and my arse was hanging out.

I'm so awkward..I can remember a few!

I met a pop star I was a huge fan of (in public, he was seated), I ran up to him, told him my name, and ran off..ran back again, told him I thought he was great, and ran off again!

Others have included being in a darkened room at a theme park, felt for the walls, kind of patting them..although it was a guy who was there with his girlfriend..they took it well!

Another time i was in a bar, and wanted to get some matches (back in the day). I kind of slipped on something and skidded on my knees across the whole bar..yep, pretty awkward