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Original poster

What’s the most mortifying situation you’ve ever found yourself in?

427 replies

RosieLemonade · 06/10/2020 19:00

I was once round my MIL and FILs having Christmas drinks when MILs affair came out. It was excruciating. All the (adult) children were crying and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. DH wouldn’t come home because he wanted to stay with his dad so I just keep making cups of tea and doing washing up! what’s been your most mortifying situation.

OP posts:
samosamimosa · 06/10/2020 22:32

When I had had a minor procedure under sedation and the consultant came to see me afterwards when I was still drowsy, he asked how it went and I told him the anaesthetist was very good at seduction. Obviously not that good because I can't remember anything else he did Blush

AlwaysLatte · 06/10/2020 22:33

I fell for a German exchange student at a friend's house and we were instantly inseparable and snogging every day. One evening everyone was out and we thought 'this is it'! We passionately made our way from the living room to one of the bedrooms, and sort of flung ourselves onto the bed in one of the bedrooms. Right on top of his host family parents, who had very much not gone out after all. Everyone was screeching with shock, and it would have been funny if it wasn't me!!!

lovablequalities · 06/10/2020 22:33

I had a shared garden with an ex-boyfriend (and several other flats). One day I was in the garden with my new puppy and the ex's new girlfriend (who I knew quite well) came out to chat leaving their door ajar. My puppy dashed into their house and came belting out a minute later with something in his mouth. We chased after the puppy and when we caught him we discovered it was a used condom.

Yep.

Wasn't much to say after that.

DipSwimSwoosh · 06/10/2020 22:35

Findmeonetsy BlushGrin

Northernsoullover · 06/10/2020 22:35

@Findmeonetsy I nearly wet myself reading your post 🤣

Pet8 · 06/10/2020 22:36

Aged 16, just left school. Was dashing to an FE college to sit an entrance exam. Got lost en route, bit panicky, and my nose started to run a little. I had no tissues. Finds my place around this huge table with my fellow student hopefuls and exam begins. I was dreadfully shy and embarrassed at my constant sniffing in the silence and terrified to put my hand up to ask for a tissue.
I tried to not sniff but my nose started pouring with snot.
I was discreetly trying to mop it up with my cardigan sleeves but it just came out thicker, faster, greener. I just sat there, aware now that the others were eyeing me and hoping the ground would swallow me up.
What made it worse was the girl adjacent to me was from my primary school.
I went home and knew I'd never be able to face any of them ever again.

Results came in post. Passed with near 100% and took up a crap YTS post instead of college... all because I was ashamed to ask for a tissue and give my nose a bloody good blow. I have never since experienced snot like it before or, indeed, over the next 30+ years. Mortifying. Oh and I've never told anyone this before.

AlwaysLatte · 06/10/2020 22:36

@OhioOhioOhio
Noooooo!! 🙈

bellissimiaow · 06/10/2020 22:36

@myusernamewastakenbyme

I sent my partner a sexy pic of just me in my knickers one morning.....full length shot....boobs out etc....after 10 mins i was wondering why he'd not replied so checked the message....I'd sent it to my whatsapp work group chat....i felt sick...sweaty etc and quickly unsent the message but pretty sure it was seen....thankfully due to being furloughed ive not seen any of them in person.
Aaaaargh! I feel sick for you! The thought!
myusernamewastakenbyme · 06/10/2020 22:40

@bellissimiaow it was hideous..i felt sick all day...my partner thought it was hilariousGrin

AlwaysLatte · 06/10/2020 22:40

Just remembered another one (also randy teen related, sorry!). I went out for a meal with my boyfriend when I was 17 and decided to take my shoes off and caress my boyfriend's legs with my feet. When he carried on chatting to his sister and his Dad suddenly shut up and went beetroot I realised my mistake, and wished I'd stayed at ankle level. But his Dad, who was very sweet, was even friendlier to me after that.

LadyLoungeALot · 06/10/2020 22:41

I once had my period all over the bed I was sharing with a friend at her house. It was horrifying. Her mum was nice about it though, and friend was nice enough to say nothing to anybody (as far as I know).

foreverandalways · 06/10/2020 22:42

F

Northernsoullover · 06/10/2020 22:43

I've told this story before on here under an old user name. When my youngest was around 5 months old he was really unwell so duly trotted off to the GP. I had the baby on my lap as I was talking to the GP and he wanted to look in his throat. He said 'right if you could put one hand on his head and the other on his stomach so I can have a look in his mouth'. I took him at his word and took one of my baby's teeny tiny hands and placed it on his head and the other teeny hand on his stomach.
I sort of posed him. The GP looked at me and said 'No Northern, YOUR hands' and looked at me like I had a screw loose.
That GP always spoke really slowly to me after that as if I didn't have control of my faculties...

Maxamill · 06/10/2020 22:46

@Northernsoullover I am howling so badly at this 🤣🤣 amazing!!

AlwaysLatte · 06/10/2020 22:48

@Northernsoullover
Omg I couldn't read all of your post for crying ugly laughing so much!!! Got there in the end.

ForeverInADay · 06/10/2020 22:48

@Northernsoullover that just had me laughing in hysterics. Thank you so much for sharing. Just the sort of thing I'd do!

funnyoldonion · 06/10/2020 22:51

My first ever boyfriend's mum had really pale blue eyes and whenever anyone complimented them she would modestly say her contact lenses had a blue tint to them. So my 15 year old self thought it would be a great idea to try them out myself until I got it stuck in my eye and after an hour in their bathroom had to fess up Blush

bellissimiaow · 06/10/2020 22:51

We've just had some huge bi-fold doors fitted as part of our house extension. For the first few days the builders locked them when they left at night and took the key with them so we couldn't open them.

I was dying to see what they looked like open, and asked if we could have the key. The builder said they needed to settle and he usually liked to leave them closed for a week or so to make sure the sealants were fully set and nothing shifted or moved.

He reluctantly gave me a key but made me promise not to open them fully while he was gone. Just the first panel.

I was so impatient about seeing them fully open that as soon as he went i unlocked all the panels and swung them all open with a flourish, promptly snapping off and breaking the metal handle in the middle because I hadn't turned it correctly Blush I spent the evening googling 'bi-fold door replacement handles' in the vague hope that I could replace it without the builder noticing. (He noticed it within 2 seconds of arriving the next day and I got a bollocking!)

squashyhat · 06/10/2020 22:51

Wedding reception. Me and OH travelled from the church with another mutual friend (bridegroom's brother), their aunt and her friend. I went to look at the seating plan and discovered we were seated on the same table as someone with a very distinctive and bizarre name, which I then recounted with much hilarity to my travelling companions. It was the aunt's friend. Who then proceeded to be so kind and gracious about it ("oh yes - I get that all the time") it made me feel ten times worse Blush

Mrsmorton · 06/10/2020 22:52

@Findmeonetsy I used to be a dentist and tbh, I would still be telling that story at dinner parties...

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/10/2020 22:53

@Northernsoullover

I've told this story before on here under an old user name. When my youngest was around 5 months old he was really unwell so duly trotted off to the GP. I had the baby on my lap as I was talking to the GP and he wanted to look in his throat. He said 'right if you could put one hand on his head and the other on his stomach so I can have a look in his mouth'. I took him at his word and took one of my baby's teeny tiny hands and placed it on his head and the other teeny hand on his stomach. I sort of posed him. The GP looked at me and said 'No Northern, YOUR hands' and looked at me like I had a screw loose. That GP always spoke really slowly to me after that as if I didn't have control of my faculties...
Everyone else’s was great but this one! First time I laughed until tears throughout the whole of lockdown. “I sort of posed him”. I need to find a way to work this sentence into conversation tomorrow.....
bottlenose301 · 06/10/2020 22:54

I'm a born idiot, I've got so many :

  1. living with my European host family (quite strict and posh family). Eating dinner together and I got up to help put things away and grabbed the bread basket (littered in so many crumbs) and promptly tipped it over the father's head (by accident! I'd grabbed it too quickly)

  2. walking around a dressy up place with some z celebs not realising for at least 20 minutes that my dress was tucked into the back of my knickers until a stranger pointed it out

  3. when I was about 19 leaving a used sanitary towel in the bathroom for my flat mate to find!! I had forgotten to dispose of (I really thought I'd done it) and I was beyond mortified that I actually wrote her a letter apologising! Really grim although the letter was ott!

I've got so many more but I'll stop there ;)

NommyChompers · 06/10/2020 22:57

I’m a dentist - I was stood behind a patient who looked at my nurse and said ‘what happened to the fatter lady I saw last time’ - excruciating all round

StormcloakNord · 06/10/2020 22:58

The one thing I always cringe at is when I worked in a bakery, two lads came in quite regularly and always had a bit of back and forth flirting. I was hungover/still drunk one day when I started in the afternoon and they came in - me being ballsy I was chatting them up making them laugh and for some unknown and horrifying reason I laughed through my nose at something and the biggest, greenest bogey shot out my nose and landed right on the macaroni pie I'd just heated up for one of them.

Nobody else was there so I had to make another pie in really horrifying awkward silence. I feel sick thinking about it

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 06/10/2020 22:59

Started a new grad scheme with a big corporate, and was seeing this guy who had also just started on the grad scheme. He was quite young and inexperienced and basically came before he'd got it in me when we tried to have sex. No biggie, moved on and did it later on and this time he managed to get it in first.

Anyway we went out for a meal the next evening and someone asked him how he and I were getting on. At the table in full earshot of everyone he said 'yeah I had a bit of a premature problem last night'.

Why would you tell a whole table of your new colleagues that? Why???

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