Great works of literature ruined by a single sentence

[Blandmum]

Idea stolen from the Time ed website

'Hey Godot, you're early!'

Atonement

Emily took a Migraleve after breakfast and felt pretty good. 'Come on Briony, let's go to the Pony Club all-day rally' she said...

'When I was a little girl,' said Mrs May to Kate, 'I used to go and stay at a big house. It was regularly fumigated.'

The Borrowers

Christina had inherited a clear skin, an upright carriage, and a phobia about horses.

Flambards

"Look honest I didn't kill my wife."
"Ok your free to go."

the shawshank redemption

Mrs Bennett: Girls, the new tenants of Netherfield have invited us to meet them, I think not as you will only meet men and get notions of marriage.

I wouldn't wosh that on you, my dears, unless you wish to spend your days talking to your husband through the library door.

'I saw something nasty in the woodshed' whispered Aunt Ada, adding brightly, 'Then I realised it was just an old upside-down flowerpot.'

Cold Comfort Farm

no thanks mr serpent i'm happy with this yummy mango god has given me

I don't care if he is a poor sailor, Papa, I am going to marry Captain Wentworth and that's final.
Persuasion

"You come near me with that thing, Alec, and I will chop it off".

Tess of the d'Urbervilles

'Do you really live in that cave all by yourself, Stig? I'd better tell Granny and she'll get social services to come and take you into care, I expect.'

or

'Don't be silly Barney, of course you can't go out on your own. You might fall in that abandoned chalkpit. You stay at home and play with your Wii and if you're lucky we'll go to the soft play centre later.'

Stig of the Dump

Raskolnikov browsed through his university prospectus. "Easy access government-funded loans for students," he read. "Hmm," he thought. "I'll give that a go."

Crime and Punishment

That stupid posh git "sebastian" and his blardy teddy bear puked into my room last night i'm joining the young communists

brideshead revisted

'You go for more petrol in the dinghy, John', said Jim. 'Meanwhile I'll let out some more anchor chain and while I'm at it, check the chain is properly attached to the windlass.'

We Didn't Mean to Go To Sea

'I firmly believe that only people who have experienced parenthood themselves are in a position to offer advice to new parents.'

Contented Little Baby Book

Oh this thread is so much fun!!

"You know, Dr Bold, you are absolutely right, those old men ought to get a greater share of old Hiram's money,' said Dr Grantly. "I'll see about it at once."

Message withdrawn

not so big crocodile "no don't go into the village to find a yummy child to eat, i've made a lovely lentil bake" enormous crocodile "okay then"

Once upon a time there was
A boy called Charlie Cook
Who had severe dyslexia
And really hated books.

Judas: sorry,30 pieces of silver won't cut it.

Rapunzel: I do find this page-boy cut most practical.

Dorothea Brooke shoots Rosamond and straddles Lydgate.

Fanny Price - come on Edmund let's go beyond the haha....

Macbeth - I think work/life balance is more important than perceived success.

Bill Sykes - these anger management classes have really taught me the error of my ways Nancy.

the hungry catapillar metamorphosied as expected

This book has strange holes in the pages, can I change it plaese?

(peepo)

the Baudelaires went into Justice Strauss's living room and there they found....their parents! They hadn't been burned after all!

love this thread MB you farkin genius

'Lola' I said 'I've had enough of this messing around. If you don't eat your tomato I will personally knock Soren Lorenson's stupid invisible block off.'
'Really Charlie?' says Lola, starting to cry. My sister will believe anything.

And on the subject of too many Daves,

How about

"Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave
Had twenty-three sons and a very good baby-name book"

So we shut the door quick
And that cat in the hat
Could not get in the house.
No! he stayed on the mat.