Great works of literature ruined by a single sentence

[Blandmum]

Idea stolen from the Time ed website

'Hey Godot, you're early!'

Eddie's off to find his teddy
Eddie's teddy's name is Freddy
he's lost him in the woods somewhere
Naw, fuck off I'll play with my Wii instead

"No, I think it's just sleet."

Miss Smilla's feeling for Snow

"Alice! Wake up! You've nodded off! Let's go home before that pervy old bloke shows up with his camera again."(Alice in Wonderland)

"Hey, you lot! Guess what! Uncle Quentin and Aunt Fanny have got sky plus!" (The Famous Five)

"God, he stinks." (Perfume)

threadworm

"Mary-Ann Singleton was twenty-five years old when she saw San Fransisco for the first time. She didn't like the look of it, and went back home to Cleveland. The End"

Roberta stood on the platform and gasped as she saw a familiar figure coming towards her could it be...........

No unfortunatley it was an officer from fathers prison to inform them that father had hung himself with his shoelaces that very morning

The railway children

.

pyjamagirl! That's too awful!!!!

very good Pyjamagirl.

pyjamagirl! Gulp !

And that night they were not divided. Except, Stephen found, that something was lacking. She realised that what she wanted - what she needed - was not a woman's body but a big, throbbing....

...and The Well of Loneliness turns into that sort of lesbian novel

"and as a familiar figure emerged from the belching steam of the train as it rested at the platform's side, Roberta's face lit up in pure delight and happiness. As she rushed forwards with warm tears of happiness streaming down her soft face, and her arms open in readiness to embrace, she shouted out loud "Daddy! Daddy! Oh my daddy!".

There.

What?!

I thought we were turning tragedies into, well if not comedies, something slightly ludicrous.

Pyjamagirl's turning it upside down! I am now seriously upset thinking of their father hung by his shoelaces.

What next? Does Pooh eat Piglet?

OOh, I've gone all tingly at that 'my daddy' bit.

It slays me.

Oh no, hurlyburly.

Now Daddy is hanging upside down by his shoelaces.

I heard that bit on the radio as I was driving a couple of years ago.....still brought tears to eyes.

Why didn't the bold thing work?

you must surround each word with asterisks, bobbie.

oh thanks

So Jarndyce took independent financial advice, did some inheritance tax planning and made sure his will was up to date.

Bleak House

"No Father, when I said I loved you as much as salt, I meant that life would seem dull and flat without you and that, in fact, I could not survive without you. Oh, love you too Daddy"

King Lear

PS, MB and filthymindedvixen are hilarious AND high minded literary geniuses - not a bad combo.

It worked!

"Of course you can have some more, Oliver! Pass your plate up! In fact, no! Bugger gruel, let's all go to Mrs Miggin's pie shop! Come on, lads, my shout!"

I don't actually have a puppy/teddy/bunny/kitten/dinosaur

(anyone else feel that particular franchise has run its natural course?)

I wrote to the zoo to send me a pet, and they replied 'we're a zoo, not a flipping mail order pet shop.'

Dear Zoo.

Here's a little baby, one two three, sits in his pushchair, what does he see?

Cbeebies.

Thanks Pan! [Ellbell weeps a bit ]