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Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."

524 replies

LavenderHills · 17/01/2020 03:08

I'm about to write a very long post about how the Style and Beauty board has helped me revolutionise my wardrobe! There's no one else in my life who is really interested in this stuff, so I've got to debrief here Smile

I have always enjoyed the threads about how to look polished or "expensive", but in my own life I've been an impulsive bargain shopper and the result was a wardrobe full of clothes but a feeling of never looking as put-together as I wanted. Last year, I decided I was going to change this and take a planned, intentional approach to my wardrobe, spending more money on less items. I know the classic, polished look is not everyone's cup of tea, but it was what I wanted, and I also wanted to shop more sustainably and buy things that would last for years and not go out of style.

Starting at the beginning of July 2019, I allocated myself a weekly sum that I was allowed to spend on clothes an accessories (100AUD per week, so about £52), added up what the total would be over the course of a full year, and then created a list of everything I thought I would need- shoes, clothes, underwear etc- to feel polished and put together. I spent a lot of time researching exactly which items I wanted and how much they cost, put it all in a spreadsheet so I could see what the total was, and eventually ended up with a list that used up 90% of the overall budget, with 10% left over for "extra" items and a list of what I might want those extras to be (new sunglasses, for instance.)

A lot of the items on my list were "boring" things that I wouldn't impulse-purchase on a fun shopping trip, and were more expensive than I'd be able to buy if I was just spending my £52 per week in an ad hoc manner on whatever I pleased. Examples include really comfortable black leather ballet flats that I can walk for miles in, and a black leather shoulder bag with a zipper and the perfect strap length. I had to save my allocated money each week, and then make a purchase when I had accumulated enough to buy the next item on the list.

I'm now almost seven months into my year of planned purchases and I can't believe what a difference it's made! For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I have the appropriate things to wear for every occasion, and it's really easy to get dressed and feel polished and elegant. Instead of cheap, fun party dresses or eleven million cute tops that don't go with anything else I own, I can now get dressed for, say, a casual brunch in jeans and a t-shirt that fit me perfectly, are made out of quality fabrics and beautifully cut. I have the right casual shoes to go with them, and a bra underneath that fits properly. My bag is a lovely, soft leather and fits the occasion, my earrings are understated but solid gold, and it all works well together without me having to think much about it. All of the "boring" purchases have added up to a wardrobe that works well for my actual life.

I can't see myself ever going back. I no longer make impulse purchases, and I find that quite calming. I can walk past shops without being tempted by a cheap bargain pair of shoes, because I know it's not on my list and the things that ARE on my list are the things I really want and will use. I don't shop in sales unless something on my list goes on sale.

I'm already brainstorming what will go on the next list once this first twelve months is up. Having pared back my wardrobe and bought the basics I need, I feel like the next step is saving up for some investment pieces, maybe only buying three or four items a year once I've replaced things that have worn out. I'm dreaming of bespoke coats and antique earrings!

None of this is rocket science, but I wanted to share it in case anyone else is like me and wants a bit of inspiration about how to make a change.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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MadameSapphire · 13/09/2021 11:11

an 🙈

TomorrowSomething · 13/09/2021 12:25

What a fascinating thread! (I've skimmed a lot of it but will settle down for a proper read later). This has really resonated today because, having found myself with very few clothes left after lockdown I set out to buy a few essential bits (I rarely shop) and have found myself with a lot of pretty packages arriving, and still missing some of the basics I need to buy! Time to stop and make a list, I think!

MadameSapphire · 15/09/2021 13:29

@TomorrowSomething, hi and welcome to this excellent thread (thanks @LavenderHills!). Hope OP comes back soon to update us. 🤞🏼😊

ChiaraMontague · 15/09/2021 13:49

I love this thread! Thank you OP for sharing, it is really interesting and something I would like to try myself.

Have any UK MN-ers found a company that does custom made t-shirts? I love this idea as I really struggle finding the perfect fit and fabric.

Pigtailsandall · 16/09/2021 11:46

I'm looking forward to hearing from Ozp too. This was the thread that brought me to S&B. I've tried making really mindful purchases, and reading this thread really helped me to shop in a way that forces me to think how my clothes match and fit together, and I feel like I've massively reduced the number of stand-alone items that match nothing else in my wardrobe. Fewer shopping mistakes too - even though I've not really bought much this spring/summer/autumn

FreshFaceTime · 16/09/2021 18:36

@Pigtailsandall same. First ever s&b thread. Love it!

LavenderHills · 18/09/2021 07:48

Hello, I'm back! This thread goes dormant for months at a time, and then I suddenly start getting notifications that people have rediscovered it. I'm so glad it's helping with wardrobe inspiration Smile

So, my update is that I've been in lockdown for 13 weeks now and have completely paused my fashion purchases. For the last two years I've been doing "The List" and planning my purchases on a financial year basis- starting on 1 July each year. However, when Sydney went into lockdown in early June I suspected it was going to be a long one (I was right!) and decided that instead of starting a new year of purchases in July I would hold off, take extra time to refine my new list, and start on 1 January 2022 instead. I have redirected my monthly fashion budget into improving my hair, skin, weight and fitness during this time stuck at home. Here is what I've been doing:

  • Having healthy meals delivered and doing yoga and walks daily, which means I've lost over a stone and gone from hovering between size 10 and size 12, back to a solid 10.
  • Instead of spending money on weekly professional blow dries to look polished for work, I've invested in silk pillowcases, silk scrunchies, silk hair wraps for sleeping, upgraded my hair dryer and finally switched to the curly girl method. My naturally wavy hair is the softest and most hydrated it has ever been. I keep getting compliments on Zooms and it's looking so good that I don't think I'll need to go back to the blow dries at all.
  • I saw a dermatologist just before lockdown and have now saved up the money to have laser treatment on some old acne scars and improve my skin tone, and am planning to have it done as soon as cosmetic procedures are allowed again. I have always used good skincare and the scars are pretty minor, but I'd like my skin to be the best it can be. I'm aiming for the glowy no-makeup look Wink

I'm feeling really good about the changes I've made and I think I'll look and feel better in my clothes when I finally get out of the house and out of leggings. I do want to acknowledge, though, that being able to focus on self-improvement during lockdown is an absolute privilege. It wouldn't be possible without stability/employment/money/childcare/support and I hope nobody reading this feels like I'm saying we should all be doing these things.

I've also been planning my list for 2022 and am happy to share if people are interested, but as I've now covered the basics and have moved on to investment pieces, I'm not sure how helpful that would be? If you're just getting started and working out how many pairs of trousers you need, reading about how I want a very specific backless body suit and a pair or those Hermes leather sandals isn't really going to add value!

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 19/09/2021 05:40

I've also been meaning to say, something I've found very helpful in planning my wardrobe is to visualise exactly what I'd like to be wearing in a specific situation. It works best when it applies to frequent situations in the actual life you live, not the life of a fantasy character (I think everyone has at least one of these- mine is Leia Sfez!)

So if you walk the dog through your local neighbourhood several times a week, and feel frumpy every time, you should try thinking "what would it take for me to feel elegant and stylish and appropriately dressed right now?" Visualise the outfit down to the last detail, and then put those things on your list.

My latest has been, what would make me feel elegant on warm days when I walk from my house, to the train, to the office for a day of meetings, and back again? The answer is:

  • high waisted, wide-leg black trousers
  • emerald green silk blouse
  • black leather loafers
  • very delicate gold jewellery
  • statement belt with some sort of gold buckle

The thing preventing me from achieving this look is that I do not own the right belt, so I am researching belts. Leaning towards this one from Sezane. I've applied to same process to plane travel, going for walks, going out for brunch, attending children's birthday parties etc. Sadly, I am not being whisked around Paris by taxi to an assortment of dress fittings and interviews, so Leia's high heeled boots are not the investment purchase for me! But the things I do invest in work for my actual life Smile

Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
OP posts:
Monsoon92 · 02/10/2021 12:00

Love that belt! I searched for this thread as I'm coming to the end of my first 'year' - I set myself a budget and have spent it all, so looking to consolidate and plan for next year! I feel like this year has just been focusing on getting the building blocks for outfits - shoes, bags, coats, and next year will focus on tops, work clothes and loungewear. This gives me about 3 months to lose the post baby weight, which is perfect (hopefully!) I've loved focusing on outfits as a whole, and don't feel like I've wasted any purchases, even the 'boring ones like belts and socks! Definitely keep this thread going OP, I love hearing the way you think about clothes as it helps me approach my wardrobe planning as well!

3luckystars · 02/10/2021 12:25

Love that outfit, I would wear that !!
I’m looking at belts now too. Thanks for the inspiration.

InPraiseOfLadyGrey · 23/10/2021 14:14

So if you walk the dog through your local neighbourhood several times a week, and feel frumpy every time, you should try thinking "what would it take for me to feel elegant and stylish and appropriately dressed right now?" Visualise the outfit down to the last detail, and then put those things on your list.

Thank you so much for this OP, I think this is the key to me stopping unnecessary purchases. I've been going through life thinking does this trend/style suit my body shape, do I like it, does it fit my personality and lifestyle. I have a huge wardrobe full of fabulous items that's very "me", I don't need more but I buy more. It confused me TBH, figured I was a little greedy maybe. This advice is what I'm missing. If I look at my life this way I can see how I don't need any more stuff at all.

Stylewannabee · 23/10/2021 15:22

This is the thread that’s inspired me to restart post baby abs lockdown . I visualise myself walking the cobbled streets of Paris .. in reality I work from home and have a young family . Not the same wardrobe !! I’ve got money to spend on myself I’m just not spending it wisely yet but now I have a plan!

Squiffy01 · 26/10/2021 19:35

Thanks so much for this thread, I’ve only just discovered it linked from another post but have read all of it. Written down lots of different brands to look up.
I have a huge amount of clothes most of which don’t fit me but I still love Sad
I am giving it a few more months to try and get back into them then I think I will sadly have to sell them and start again.

Trouble is I have no idea what to where. How do I know what suits my body and what colours are best?? To be honest I think most things look shit on me. Sometimes I think I look alright then I see a photo and realise it didn’t look good at all.
I have no idea what suits my body.

I have clothes I like to wear but no idea if they suit me just what I’m comfortable in. I also really struggle to find clothes I like which is why I’m in the position of a full cupboard with nothing that fits and nothing to wear cause I can’t find things I like.
I can not find a nice A line skirt anywhere. Now it getting closer the skirt now also needs to look good with black tights.

Clueless but am loving this thread.

JunieSpoony · 29/10/2021 14:30

I’m in the same boat, @Squiffy01. As I have some weight to lose I think I’m going to make myself a list of shoes/boots. I don’t have many and most of them are colourful. I’m going to notice when I wear an outfit (or want to but don’t) and wish I had a certain pair of footwear to make it look right.

JunieSpoony · 29/10/2021 14:32

@Stylewannabee, I totally get the disconnect between vision and reality! I have clothes (but not outfits) for multiple visions and they don’t always work for reality, just sit in the wardrobe and look pretty.

moregarlic · 31/10/2021 18:40

This thread is so soothing and inspiring to read.

OP I want to be like you when I grow up 😂 alas if never trust my pets, toddler (or frankly myself) around a silk shirt.

Anyone else done this with a vastly different life / style?

I definitely see the value in buying less stuff that’s good quality and you’ll actually wear.

I have a big of weight to lose, so I’m focusing on shoes. Birkenstock’s were a huge revelation for me. My feet don’t come out of them all summer! I was freaking out about winter as I’ve nothing but cheap tat, so I’ve bought a wear of white and black stripe Adidas superstars (love!) and I’m very close to ordering a pair of boots from Solovair.

FreshFaceTime · 31/10/2021 19:08

@moregarlic I'm doing it with a vastly different life/style to the op. It's all the lists, planning, research, being sure of what you're looking for that inspires me. I don't even think I really have a "look", I just know I needed to take some action to get out of a rut and this thread came into my life at exactly the right time!

moregarlic · 01/11/2021 07:26

@FreshFaceTime yes you’re exactly right, it’s such an appealing system! What’s on your list? I hope it gets you out of your rut.

I bit them bullet and ordered my boots last night. I’m dreadfully excited for their arrival.

This is what I went for: uk.nps-solovair.com/collections/all/products/s0-900-bg-g?variant=32064901120080

FreshFaceTime · 01/11/2021 10:05

@moregarlic I started with shoes, accessories and makeup because I was pregnant so not ready to think about clothes. I have a neutral skin tone so I bought gold and silver studs. Updated my makeup. Couple of pairs of new sandals, some new leather trainers, new boots that I will actually wear (so basically decent footwear for all seasons!) Had a black leather bag already but bought a new, smaller tan one.

I want a leopard print belt in a medium thickness, a medium-sized burgundy leather crossbody bag and a couple of lovely cashmere scarves. Need to figure out what colours will be best.

I live those Solovairs! I bought my black chelsea boots in the schuh sale earlier in the year. They were £16 so not sure if they'll stand the test of time but they ticked a box on my list so I'm happy for now. I got brown Timberland chelsea boots and black DMs. Am thinking I'd wear brown Solovairs quite a bit, but will wait till next year for those.

uk.nps-solovair.com/products/s8-551-bng-g?_pos=2&_sid=ec588dc1a&_ss=r&variant=33108077740112

I need to physically dispose of the boots I'm clinging onto/accept that I'll never wear them again. Have had a massive clothes cull and tend to just live in the same, safe bits and bobs at the moment but that's mostly down to shedding the last few baby pounds.

Next year I'm going to focus on upping my outer-wear game as I've realised my current beloved black parka is possibly giving off a "homeless person in a sleeping bag" vibe, which I probably need to ditch.

I'd like a leather jacket but I have a feeling short biker styles will make me look too top heavy so I might need to find something hip length to balance out my proportions.

I want a dark forest green wool or wool mix coat and some kind of waxed coat with a hood too. Maybe this...

www.celticandco.com/womens/womens-outerwear/wax-cotton-jackets/wax-riding-coat

Or this...
www.johnlewis.com/barbour-mull-waxed-jacket/olive/p5124238?size=12#product

I really hope you love your new boots when they arrive. What else have you got on your wishlist? And sorry for the massive long post!

JunieSpoony · 01/11/2021 13:53

I love those Solovairs, @moregarlic. I have two pairs of old boots, knee high red DMs (patchwork suede and leather zip up) and dark teal Fly London mid calf zip up with a buckle. I love them both but the first pair is 15 and the second pair is 6, and I've never polished them (hard to find teal shoe polish for one thing) so they look very loved. I'm thinking a pair of black DMs and brown Chelsea boots for classics to go with everything. However, I am in Canada and need some winter boots (I threw mine out last spring to force myself to buy new ones). I'm thinking about these but worry the cut/shape is a bit too old lady. They are waterproof but not insulated. www.eddiebauer.ca/p/92000128/womens-covey-2.0-boot?sp=1&color=Raven&size=9M&sizeType=Regular&ch=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA--non_brand_PLA_Womens-Footwear--Womens_-Footwear--0200128373005243--124400488265&utm_medium=psrch_pla&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=non_brand_PLA_Womens-Footwear&utm_content=Womens-_Footwear&utm_term=0200128373005243&gclid=Cj0KCQjwt-6LBhDlARIsAIPRQcLjwwO0muGrKkQX9hLBaNpyzZ8yQ-qYzkArp-aZjCileB3n40_0C_QaApaPEALw_wcB

JunieSpoony · 01/11/2021 13:53

Oops, sorry for the awful URL.

JunieSpoony · 01/11/2021 13:55

Love the jackets too, @FreshFaceTime. Celtic & Co has some nice stuff. I've been on the hunt for a bottle green cable knit jumper, something like this but not the right colour: www.celticandco.com/ca/womens/donegal-cable-roll-neck

HH76ds31 · 03/11/2021 17:59

This thread is awesome. It recently occurred to me that due to an ongoing and severe lacking in shoes/bags/coats, I very often don't or can't wear items of clothing. So, inspired by this thread I just tried on my entire (winter) wardrobe and now have a list of things I must get. Last weekend I bought the Hobbs Tilda coat in black, having thought about it last winter too, it helped that Hobbs have 30% off. So many outfits will be possible now because I have a classic black wool coat. And i recently bought lace up ankle boots that I adore.
Next on my list is a black bag ( I only have a very small crossbody one) a warm less formal coat (possibly two, one waterproof and not so warm) and black trainers.

EssexLioness · 10/11/2021 21:24

Thank you for this thread @LavenderHills, it’s so helpful. I bookmarked it about a year ago with a view to come back to it. During this time I have lost about 3 1/2 stone and ready to start thinking about my own new wardrobe.
Problem is I don’t really know what I like any more. In the past I have been drawn to bright quirky prints and wore a lot of dresses as they were most comfortable for my obese body. I am now a size 12, pear shape. I am mid 40s and now want to move towards something more sophisticated but don’t want to give up on bright prints all together. I love vintage fashion especially ‘40s/ ‘50s and look best in fitted tops, a line dresses etc.
I have decided that my wardrobe will be in Ivory, grey, some navy, burgundy and forest green, maybe with some rose pink too. I am a summer and these colours suit me and are what I am naturally drawn to.
Apart from that I am stuck really. I just received a Stitch Fix box which was quite successful: for a gorgeous navy polka dot wrap dress, and two nice jumpers: one dark green and one burgundy. I have also bought a burgundy silky shirt and coated skinny jeans to wear on a night out.

Pigtailsandall · 11/11/2021 10:16

I'm a big fan of this thread too and it's really made me consider what I buy and what I actually wear. I used to have a lot of nice stand-alone items; things I loved but which didn't match anything else I had so they didn't get used. I was so frustrated with my wardrobe because I'd pull out stuff only to out it back because I couldn't wear it.

I did some bad purchasing- trying to find something that you like isn't the same as finding something wearable - so I was kind of stabbing in the dark. I did a pinterest board of what appealed to me, and decided I was only going to get things that I could wear with at least 5 other things I already had, and that could be machine-washed (as I have a toddler). I love the idea of silk shirts and cashmere sweaters but alas, this is not a time in my life for those. A pinterest board helped me get clarity on what was achievable, pretty and practical

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