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Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."

524 replies

LavenderHills · 17/01/2020 03:08

I'm about to write a very long post about how the Style and Beauty board has helped me revolutionise my wardrobe! There's no one else in my life who is really interested in this stuff, so I've got to debrief here Smile

I have always enjoyed the threads about how to look polished or "expensive", but in my own life I've been an impulsive bargain shopper and the result was a wardrobe full of clothes but a feeling of never looking as put-together as I wanted. Last year, I decided I was going to change this and take a planned, intentional approach to my wardrobe, spending more money on less items. I know the classic, polished look is not everyone's cup of tea, but it was what I wanted, and I also wanted to shop more sustainably and buy things that would last for years and not go out of style.

Starting at the beginning of July 2019, I allocated myself a weekly sum that I was allowed to spend on clothes an accessories (100AUD per week, so about £52), added up what the total would be over the course of a full year, and then created a list of everything I thought I would need- shoes, clothes, underwear etc- to feel polished and put together. I spent a lot of time researching exactly which items I wanted and how much they cost, put it all in a spreadsheet so I could see what the total was, and eventually ended up with a list that used up 90% of the overall budget, with 10% left over for "extra" items and a list of what I might want those extras to be (new sunglasses, for instance.)

A lot of the items on my list were "boring" things that I wouldn't impulse-purchase on a fun shopping trip, and were more expensive than I'd be able to buy if I was just spending my £52 per week in an ad hoc manner on whatever I pleased. Examples include really comfortable black leather ballet flats that I can walk for miles in, and a black leather shoulder bag with a zipper and the perfect strap length. I had to save my allocated money each week, and then make a purchase when I had accumulated enough to buy the next item on the list.

I'm now almost seven months into my year of planned purchases and I can't believe what a difference it's made! For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I have the appropriate things to wear for every occasion, and it's really easy to get dressed and feel polished and elegant. Instead of cheap, fun party dresses or eleven million cute tops that don't go with anything else I own, I can now get dressed for, say, a casual brunch in jeans and a t-shirt that fit me perfectly, are made out of quality fabrics and beautifully cut. I have the right casual shoes to go with them, and a bra underneath that fits properly. My bag is a lovely, soft leather and fits the occasion, my earrings are understated but solid gold, and it all works well together without me having to think much about it. All of the "boring" purchases have added up to a wardrobe that works well for my actual life.

I can't see myself ever going back. I no longer make impulse purchases, and I find that quite calming. I can walk past shops without being tempted by a cheap bargain pair of shoes, because I know it's not on my list and the things that ARE on my list are the things I really want and will use. I don't shop in sales unless something on my list goes on sale.

I'm already brainstorming what will go on the next list once this first twelve months is up. Having pared back my wardrobe and bought the basics I need, I feel like the next step is saving up for some investment pieces, maybe only buying three or four items a year once I've replaced things that have worn out. I'm dreaming of bespoke coats and antique earrings!

None of this is rocket science, but I wanted to share it in case anyone else is like me and wants a bit of inspiration about how to make a change.

OP posts:
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FreshFaceTime · 04/05/2021 07:54

@Littlemiss74 could you do something in between as a starting point? So not bin the whole lot but get rid of more than you ever have before? That's what I did. I did 2 massive clear outs. One just before lockdown last year and the other more recently. Just be completely ruthless and only keep your absolute favourite stuff. Stuff you know you will actually wear. Then before you buy anything new, make lists, lists and more lists to help you stay focused when it comes to buying new pieces? That's where I started anyway and I'm in a much better place now than I was this time last year. You don't have to spend loads of money straight away. If you have your lists you can add bits as and when you come across them (it might take a while to find things, which can give you a bit of time to build your spending pot)

LavenderHills · 04/05/2021 08:16

@Littlemiss74 Oh, this is tricky but also fixable!

When you say you wouldn't have anything left if you were ruthless, do you really mean NOTHING? Or do you mean "I would have one pair of jeans, two tops and a jumper?" Because honestly, you don't need very much at all to start with, and can slowly build up a better wardrobe over time.

I have ended up with about a quarter of the amount of clothes I used to have ten years ago, but it all fits and looks good on me and gets worn.

If you like, I'd be happy to provide virtual assistance, and I'm sure a lot of other lovely posters would join in.

I think we need to know:

Your height and body type
Your current clothing size
Your colouring
Your lifestyle (what do you need outfits for every day? Going to work in an office? Walking the dog? Dropping kids at school?)
What type of styles you like and admire

And then, we need to know what you already have. Could you make a list or post photos?
Even if there are only two outfits you feel okay in, we can start with that and work out what you should prioritise buying first, second, third etc to improve your wardrobe and give you better options.

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 04/05/2021 08:22

@Littlemiss74 I should also add, you can trial having a ruthless clear out without having to fully commit. Take EVERYTHING out of your wardrobe that is ill fitting, worn out, unflattering, etc and put it all somewhere else. Boxes in the spare room or the garage or wherever. See how you go dressing with the handful of things you have left. It will probably be less stressful and easier to get dressed, and you'll be able to more clearly identify what you need to buy most urgently. You can always get your other clothes out of storage if you need to, but I have found that nothing I've ever put away like this has ended up coming out again, and when I'm psychologically ready to part with it, it goes to the charity shop!

OP posts:
Littlemiss74 · 04/05/2021 12:27

@LavenderHills thank you so much for your offer of help. I feel I have totally lost my way as a combination of lockdown & my body changing in my mid forties. It’s getting me down to be honest as I have nothing nice to wear & I spend far too long scrolling online trying to find new things without really knowing what I should get. When I have ordered stuff online it never fits or doesn’t suit me so then I have to arrange a return. It’s all very time consuming for not very much gain🙁

Ok, so I would have some clothes left but not alot if I was to weed out the crap quality, ill fitting stuff. This weekend I’ve made a start and filled one bin bag so far of things that are too tight. As they are from places like Primark ie trousers £7.00 I don’t feel bad about charity shopping them unlike if they had cost me loads of money. In the past I have spent say £100 in Primark or similar shop and got loads of stuff. But of course it doesn’t last and so I end up with a wardrobe full of tat. I’m ready to change so that I buy less but spend more on better quality items. So to answer your questions, here goes:

Age 47
Height 5’3”
Size 12
Have always been pear shaped but starting to turn more apple😩
Have put on a few pounds in lockdown so have more round my tummy which I am self conscious of - I want to try and shift this
I have olivey skin, brown hair with highlights
I am working at home at the moment but will be returning to office soon - office is smart casual
I’ve always worn skinny/slim jeans but have started to find them less comfortable & have been living in leggings/joggers at home & hoodies! Comfy but not very stylish😊

I really don’t know what my style is, I would just like to look modern and well put together & try and avoid things that make me look frumpy.
From my online browsing I have found Hush & like that style but some mn’s here have said it is quite pricey & the quality is not that great.
In the past I liked Oasis & Warehouse as the clothes always fit me perfectly but I think the quality has gone downhill since they were taken over.

I really like Holly Willoughby’s style, I follow her outfits on Instagram - alot of the clothes she wears I think would suit me but they are often out of my price range sadly!

I have mild adhd which makes it hard for me to work out how to put things together if you see what I mean. I procrastinate alot and can’t make decisions easily. I need structure & for things to be simple. I’ve always felt overwhelmed by my clothes & now feel I want to take control of this more so it doesn’t take up so much of my time buying the wrong stuff. I’ve bought so many bags but have never found one that is quite right for my needs! I just want one nice bag not loads cluttering up my home!

Your thread here has inspired me to sort this out, thank you so much and apologies for totally hijacking your thread! Maybe my situation might be familiar to others too & we can all help each other.

savvy7 · 04/05/2021 21:08

I understand your sentiment but second hand Primark is way more likely to end up in landfill than being sold by the charity shop. Charity shop shoppers are looking for quality at a lower price. Fast fashion is a false saving - if you buy better, it has more residual value.

Littlemiss74 · 04/05/2021 21:11

@savvy7 yes you are right, my Primark days are well & truly over I have decided. Just need to work out where to buy from now.

savvy7 · 04/05/2021 21:15

John Lewis is a good place to start as they stock a good variety of brands and have an excellent delivery and returns service.

Littlemiss74 · 04/05/2021 21:33

Thank you @savvy7 I will have a look at JL

LavenderHills · 05/05/2021 01:23

@Littlemiss74 I've just had a quick look at Holly Willoughby's Instagram and she seems to wear quite a few dresses that are pulled in at the waist, which I think could be a really flattering option for you if you're worried about your tummy and not feeling great in jeans/trousers right now. Either of these styles would work well; it's just a matter of finding affordable versions for yourself.

As I'm not based in the UK, suggestions from other posters about where to shop might be more helpful than mine. If you were going to buy just one new dress for daytime wear this summer, with the aim of getting a lot of wear out of it, what would you be comfortable spending? Once we know, it'll be easy to post links to different options.

Also, what do you currently have that you're happy with? If you're willing to share a list, we'll be able to say "this dress might go well with those shoes and that cardigan you already have." Smile

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 05/05/2021 02:37

@bendmeoverbackwards

Great thread *@LavenderHills* I’ve just found it and reading with interest.

I love clothes and have far too many. Some don’t get worn much and I know I should get rid/eBay but I like them and think I’ll regret it!

Your choices are so classic and elegant! Can I ask some questions please? Do you buy coloured items or stick to neutrals? How do you feel about prints? Do you thnk prints are less smart than plain?

Dresses? These are my downfall! Any recommendations?

@bendmeoverbackwards

I wear mostly neutral colours, largely because it's easier to build a versatile wardrobe that way. I also have tricky colouring. I'm a natural redhead, but not the kind with blue eyes and freckles who look amazing in pastels (I saw one of those on the train this morning and was very jealous of her effortless prettiness.) I have dark auburn hair and hazel eyes, and skin that doesn't get freckles but DOES look like a pale corpse in a lot of colours. Fun! So if I'm ordering clothes online, I only ever buy black, white, dark green or dark charcoal. I can wear some shades of blue and some shades of purple and orange, but I really need to see them in person first or I risk the aforementioned corpse look.

I can't remember the last time I bought something with a print! I do have clothing with patterns, but when buying new things over the last few years I've been investing in high quality pieces that can be worn with a lot of other items in my wardrobe, so I tend to buy plain colours because they're more versatile. I don't think prints are inherently less smart than plain colours, but I think a cheap print looks worse than a cheap neutral. There is some absolutely gorgeous print clothing out there, but it's often expensive Sad

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 05/05/2021 02:40

@bendmeoverbackwards What kind of dresses do you like? I have two shirt dresses that get a lot of wear, and I also like the look of some summer dresses from Rouje (with prints, lol!), but haven't invested in one yet.

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 05/05/2021 03:14

@Littlemiss74 FFS, I forgot to add pictures to my post! These are the Holly Willoughby dresses I was talking about.

Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
OP posts:
Gintime74 · 09/05/2021 13:28

I’m a size 18 and 5ft 8 , I’m looking for some flared jeans and some sandals. I need really comfy sandals though as suffer from plantar fasciitis . I love that mint velvet slouchy bag.

2D1S3 · 15/07/2021 22:07

I remember lurking on this thread for a long time, and being very inspired. Just popping up to say I’m doing something similar but using Moonsift (Excel is a bit of a bus(wo)man’s holiday for me). It’s brilliant. Game changing. Thanks for all the inspiration.

rosalindwi · 15/07/2021 23:12

Oooh once I'm past pregnancy and breast feeding I want to do this. Perhaps I can use the next year to declutter the wardrobe whilst I can't wear the clothes anyway

FreshFaceTime · 16/07/2021 07:30

@rosalindwi exactly what I'm doing. Pregnancy bit is done. Will be at least a year before I finish bf but I'm doing my research and making plans now. Agree with pp that John Lewis is a great starting point for this kind of project. Absolutely love this thread!

Ohms11 · 17/07/2021 08:35

I love this thread. I also like the look of Aday clothing. But i would prefer to buy more local.

PrincessNutNuts · 17/07/2021 13:16

Thank you for this thread. I'm finding it inspirational.

At the moment I have work clothes, occasion wear,and winter stuff all packed away and I live in shorts and a vest. I have so few clothes I actually wear, I don't even need a wardrobe.

And I haven't accessorised or put earrings in since February 2020.

I had my work wardrobe sorted and was pretty happy with it, but none of it is applicable to the WFH life and so much will have changed by the time I need workwear again.

Last time my parents moved they discovered a suitcase of my clothes in their loft from the late 90s / early 2000s. It was fascinating to see it all again, and I was excited to see old favourites. But I didn't actually want to wear any of it.

I fear it will be the same with my 2019 work clothes.

So Im going to follow your example OP , but only research and think - and not buy anything yet.

stillnotright · 17/07/2021 15:38

I enjoy watching this thread but my issue has always been finding the perfect versions of things. So whilst I may be able to identify for instance that I need a great pair of jeans - I can't find them. or a great pair of summer everyday trousers - I can't find them. or the perfect sandal etc etc. So it's not helped in that way because my issues remain!

DelphiniumBlue · 17/07/2021 15:52

@stillnotright

I enjoy watching this thread but my issue has always been finding the perfect versions of things. So whilst I may be able to identify for instance that I need a great pair of jeans - I can't find them. or a great pair of summer everyday trousers - I can't find them. or the perfect sandal etc etc. So it's not helped in that way because my issues remain!
Yes, I agree, and it's really hard to tell what will make an item perfect for the longterm. I have so many pairs of jeans that have ended up sagging in the wrong place, or falling down, or only working with certain shoes, or being too hot for the summer..etc etc. If you add in changing shapes because of weight, pregancy, childbirth, menopause and changing sizes due to weight gain or loss, as well as a change in work or lifestyle ( eg moving from corporate to casual work environment), change in ability to wear heels, change in desired skirt length due to ageing knees, it all becomes very difficult. Items of clothing that I thought were perfect for me 2 years ago are now lying unworn in my wardrobe, and it's not all down to Covid!
LavenderHills · 18/07/2021 10:04

Hello everyone! After being lucky enough to have 12 months of near-normal life, work and domestic travel, I'm one of the millions of people in Australia's major cities who are back in lockdown again, so I'm not going to be much inspiration to anyone in the style stakes right now.

However, watching Katie Hopkins get axed from Celebrity Big Brother and (hopefully) deported for breaching hotel quarantine rules is cheering me up immensely!

When that wears off, would anyone like to distract me from winter lockdown woes by sharing their current wardrobe plans and wish lists?

My most recent purchase from my list was three months ago. I finally bought the "L'Amour" necklace from Pascale Monvoisin that I'd been coveting for several years. It was a carefully planned splurge and I'm happy to say I have no regrets. Before lockdown I was wearing it neatly every day, with both work and causal outfits.

pascalemonvoisin.com/en/necklaces/399-l-amour-n1.html

OP posts:
fourminutestosavetheworld · 18/07/2021 19:12

I'm very late to this thread and only saw it today, for the first time. You have already inspired me to clear out my wardrobe and start a capsule wardrobe wish list. I used to do that but have lost my way over the years. I now find myself putting on my 'least worst' outfit and it's time to take charge again I think! I've bookmarked a number of recommendations - love the bag and one of the pairs of earrings especially.

Gladioli23 · 18/07/2021 21:13

This thread has prompted me to have a think: I shall box up a load of the stuff I don't wear into the lift I think to have a think about it and have a good look through my wardrobe. I am mainly good at not buying "fast fashion" but I do but second hand so have ended up with a lot of clothes. I'm going to examine what makes me feel good and see what I can do to replicate that.

PrincessNutNuts · 10/08/2021 15:27

How's it going @LavenderHills?

I haven't done much in my "pursuit of elegance."

Office me probably is quite elegant in a simple way, but I haven't been "office me" for a while now, and I don't know what wfh me wants to wear except shorts!

I have been out of my daily shorts and sun top combo for a wedding a few weeks ago though which I quite enjoyed.

Nothing I had in the wardrobe that I've worn to weddings before appealed to me, and I've sold/donated all my heels, so I wore a summery dress with tan sandals and bag, wore jewellery for the first time in yonks, did my hair and put some light make up on. I felt I looked summery rather than weddingy but I didn't feel too out of place.

It was lovely to see everyone, my children had a great time with their cousins, and I got to dance with my husband which doesn't happen nearly often enough.

Unfortunately we all went down with covid over the next week or so, along with two or three other people from the wedding.

(Everyone did lateral flows on the morning of the wedding before attending.)

I was the last to test positive on our house so I am very far from elegant currently, lolling around in my pyjamas.

MadameSapphire · 13/09/2021 11:10

@LavenderHills, please update us - your thread is ab inspiration!

Early days for me, I’m starting a big wardrobe declutter as the beginning of a style shift... 😊

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