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Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."

524 replies

LavenderHills · 17/01/2020 03:08

I'm about to write a very long post about how the Style and Beauty board has helped me revolutionise my wardrobe! There's no one else in my life who is really interested in this stuff, so I've got to debrief here Smile

I have always enjoyed the threads about how to look polished or "expensive", but in my own life I've been an impulsive bargain shopper and the result was a wardrobe full of clothes but a feeling of never looking as put-together as I wanted. Last year, I decided I was going to change this and take a planned, intentional approach to my wardrobe, spending more money on less items. I know the classic, polished look is not everyone's cup of tea, but it was what I wanted, and I also wanted to shop more sustainably and buy things that would last for years and not go out of style.

Starting at the beginning of July 2019, I allocated myself a weekly sum that I was allowed to spend on clothes an accessories (100AUD per week, so about £52), added up what the total would be over the course of a full year, and then created a list of everything I thought I would need- shoes, clothes, underwear etc- to feel polished and put together. I spent a lot of time researching exactly which items I wanted and how much they cost, put it all in a spreadsheet so I could see what the total was, and eventually ended up with a list that used up 90% of the overall budget, with 10% left over for "extra" items and a list of what I might want those extras to be (new sunglasses, for instance.)

A lot of the items on my list were "boring" things that I wouldn't impulse-purchase on a fun shopping trip, and were more expensive than I'd be able to buy if I was just spending my £52 per week in an ad hoc manner on whatever I pleased. Examples include really comfortable black leather ballet flats that I can walk for miles in, and a black leather shoulder bag with a zipper and the perfect strap length. I had to save my allocated money each week, and then make a purchase when I had accumulated enough to buy the next item on the list.

I'm now almost seven months into my year of planned purchases and I can't believe what a difference it's made! For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I have the appropriate things to wear for every occasion, and it's really easy to get dressed and feel polished and elegant. Instead of cheap, fun party dresses or eleven million cute tops that don't go with anything else I own, I can now get dressed for, say, a casual brunch in jeans and a t-shirt that fit me perfectly, are made out of quality fabrics and beautifully cut. I have the right casual shoes to go with them, and a bra underneath that fits properly. My bag is a lovely, soft leather and fits the occasion, my earrings are understated but solid gold, and it all works well together without me having to think much about it. All of the "boring" purchases have added up to a wardrobe that works well for my actual life.

I can't see myself ever going back. I no longer make impulse purchases, and I find that quite calming. I can walk past shops without being tempted by a cheap bargain pair of shoes, because I know it's not on my list and the things that ARE on my list are the things I really want and will use. I don't shop in sales unless something on my list goes on sale.

I'm already brainstorming what will go on the next list once this first twelve months is up. Having pared back my wardrobe and bought the basics I need, I feel like the next step is saving up for some investment pieces, maybe only buying three or four items a year once I've replaced things that have worn out. I'm dreaming of bespoke coats and antique earrings!

None of this is rocket science, but I wanted to share it in case anyone else is like me and wants a bit of inspiration about how to make a change.

OP posts:
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LavenderHills · 27/01/2021 06:23

@plum1304 I've just come back to this thread after a busy week and I'm musing over your handbag dilemma. I can think of a lot of lovely, relaxed leather totes, but the pebbled leather requirement rules all of them out.

Maybe have a look at this one from Status Anxiety? (This seems to be the middle class handbag brand du jour in Sydney.)

www.statusanxiety.com.au/collections/womens/products/force-of-being-black-bubble

OP posts:
kitschplease · 27/01/2021 07:39

I love this thread and am trying to inject some elegance into my Teams call outfits! If anyone has advice on tops to wear, I'm all ears, as feel very dull and certainly not elegant most of the time.

LavenderHills · 27/01/2021 09:54

I was thinking about this thread while getting ready for bed just now, and had to have a bit of a giggle.

We used to live in France and every year since we moved back to Australia, MIL has given me Paris-themed pyjamas for Christmas. So I now have this lovely, understated, elegant daytime wardrobe.... and a pyjama drawer filled to the brim with pink, frilly things, liberally patterned with Eiffel Tower motifs and emblazoned with phrases like "Dreaming of Paris."

Bless her, she'll never stop.

OP posts:
plum1304 · 27/01/2021 20:04

Ah thank you Lavenderhills! I’m not so keen on the bag you linked, it looks kind of heavy... I think half my problem is i dont quite know what I want - I have some gorgeous bags but none are quite right!

I really quite like this one but not sure if it’s perfect www.mintvelvet.co.uk/product/Helena-Camel-Shoulder-Bag/31630

plum1304 · 27/01/2021 20:04

But in black!!

LavenderHills · 27/01/2021 21:12

@plum1304 Yes, I see that you want something more slouchy and casual. I'm still very happy with this one; the leather is gorgeous and soft, but not pebbled.

wandererstravelco.com/collections/all/products/the-petite-parisian-tote

OP posts:
Brogues · 28/01/2021 10:45

Update on my mediaeval shoes is the colour, whilst lovely in real life, doesn’t actually go with anything barring one top in my whole wardrobe. I didn’t find them tremendously comfortable either and the sole wasn’t flexible enough for the soft leather. So colour wasn’t quite right and the fit wasn’t perfect so back to the drawing board although with my return to work now looking to be about Easter there’s no great rush!

Next jeans are also going back too as they are a poor fit but I did find some very nice jeans at the bottom of my jeans pile that are perfect and free.

Yorkshirepuddingforever · 21/02/2021 15:34

Just checking back in on the thread as I have bought some white trainers to replace a battered pair.

I am still pregnant 🙄 so no major clothes purchases however I did get a gorgeous striped sweatshirt from Baukjen as they had a 40% off for keyworkers so took advantage of that.

I have been on Pinterest and Instagram quite a lot and been refining my wishlist and found it so refreshing to be taking my time thinking about things I want. I have had a few times when I have mindlessly filled an H&M or M&S basket and then emptied it again reminding myself what my end goal is!

savvy7 · 21/02/2021 16:21

Has anyone found the perfect black trainers as I am really struggling to find a pair? Love the look of the Vejas but they are not comfortable enough to be keepers :(

Yorkshirepuddingforever · 21/02/2021 16:30

Sorry @savvy7 I can't help as black trainer don't suit me unfortunately but love them other people. I tried Vejas too and found them really uncomfortable too.

Brands I have found really comfy are Mint Velvet, John Lewis Kin and also and/or from John Lewis. Not sure if that helps at all but those usually my go to as a first option. I have also heard Air and Grace are super comfy but they are expensive so I haven't bought any yet as none of the designs were exactly what I was looking for.

greyinganddecaying · 21/02/2021 19:57

@savvy7

Has anyone found the perfect black trainers as I am really struggling to find a pair? Love the look of the Vejas but they are not comfortable enough to be keepers :(

I bought a pair of Air Force one Nike trainers & they are very comfortable- I'll be buying again when they wear out.

chatw00 · 22/02/2021 03:51

@savvy7

Has anyone found the perfect black trainers as I am really struggling to find a pair? Love the look of the Vejas but they are not comfortable enough to be keepers :(
I have been looking at Nike Internationalist in black, with white trim. But the soles don't look very grippy - they are more like square stud patterns than traditional left to right grooves - and some of the reviews mentioned they are not good in the rain (one of my paranoias is skidding over in the rain/wet!)
MrsBobDylan · 22/02/2021 11:04

Hi @LavenderHills I have been thinking about this thread recently because you inspired me to do something similar. In September last year I began selling off my wardrobe on eBay. I worked out what really suited me and what I loved wearing.

I got rid of 2/3 of my wardrobe. Having a small, curated wardrobe really helps me choose outfits.

Since then I have been buying some key items, trying to avoid sweatshops and where possible, supporting UK manufacturing.

I love your style but I am the other end of the spectrum and love jeans, sweatshirts, dungarees, corduroys, denim chore coats etc. I have made peace with the fact I will never look Parisian chic!

DH has also done it (although he is ethically motivated rather than style) but it is nice to share an interest!

zaramysaviour · 22/02/2021 14:30

[quote DancelikeEmmaGoldman]Someone upthread mentioned Dejour Jeans in Brunswick - here’s an article about them.
www.broadsheet.com.au/melbourne/brunswick/shops/dejour-jeans[/quote]
Dejour Jeans were one of my first stops when I was last in Melbourne! They are fab. (Hint: don't go when you're nice and non-bloated, as they fit the jeans to the last millimetre and I can't wear mine on certain days of the month...)

If you turn left outside Dejour and continue walking down Brunswick St, there are quite a few op shops to vist. On the way to Savers, of course - my fave shop in the world...

Thanks for the thread, OP! Lots of ideas here.

happytobemrsg · 23/02/2021 19:51

Thanks to having to go on a restricted diet I’ve lost quite a lot of weight. With going back into the office looming I have to buy most of my clothes again from scratch so this thread is invaluable! I’ve started making a list of what I need over the course of a year & will start a budget. My style is quite different to yours OP but the principle behind what you’ve achieved will hopefully guide me. Feeling quite excited!

happytobemrsg · 23/02/2021 19:57

OP- is there a formula you’ve found which works? Say, 5 trousers, 7 tops etc? I know there’s one capsule wardrobe idea which says you need to stick to 33 items (all in) which is very restricted. Equally I can’t have a capsule wardrobe with 50 pairs of mom jeans!

FreshFaceTime · 23/02/2021 20:58

I'm the same as some of the recent posters who have said that although my style is completely different to yours (haven't even quite worked out what it is yet) I've been SO inspired by this thread and have made my own plans with my own budget/goals and it's given me a completely new outlook. So thanks OP for the wise words of wisdom. Absolutely gripping reading (and I'm not even joking!)

chatw00 · 23/02/2021 23:45

@happytobemrsg

OP- is there a formula you’ve found which works? Say, 5 trousers, 7 tops etc? I know there’s one capsule wardrobe idea which says you need to stick to 33 items (all in) which is very restricted. Equally I can’t have a capsule wardrobe with 50 pairs of mom jeans!
OP did list off a number of items - look for the post @ Sat 18-Jan-20 06:05:37. It's a year ago now, but presumably the theory still stands!
LavenderHills · 25/02/2021 22:24

@happytobemrsg No, there's no magic number or formula I'm sticking to. It's more about following the principle of only having things in my wardrobe that I love, that are good quality and fit me properly and make me feel good. I've ended up having far fewer clothes without consciously aiming for a "capsule".

I did, however, go through a process of identifying the missing basics in my wardrobe that were stopping me from feeling put together in the clothes I already owned. Once I'd worked through that list I reached a noticeable tipping point where I was feeling much better dressed and confident about my wardrobe, at which point I started this thread Smile

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 25/02/2021 22:38

@MrsBobDylan and @FreshFaceTime It's SO lovely to hear that other posters are working out their own style and have found this thread helpful in the process!

I do tend towards a very classic style, particularly for work, but I'm a bit obsessed with Anine Bing at the moment and considering working some of her studded boots into my off-duty wardrobe, and maybe a leather jacket. For me, that is extremely edgy Grin

Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
OP posts:
SmoggieinOz · 26/02/2021 10:03

@LavenderHills I’ve been so inspired by your thread, started following and making changes to my wardrobe BC (before Covid-19) Grin

I now have a petite Parisian in tan and was absolutely amazed to discover that I work a 2 minute walk from the store. I was able to see and feel it in real life before making my purchase and lucky enough to receive an email advising of their seconds and samples sale, 50% off. No visible faults and the sales assistant couldn’t even find why it was in the seconds sale!

I’ve also taken inspiration from a colleague who’s always incredibly well groomed and I noticed that she rarely wears anything patterned, maybe a hint of animal print, bag or heels. Let’s hope we continue to do well with the C word and get to wear smart winter clothes this year. I only wore camping gear during 2020 ... and I’m working on the casual wardrobe too Wine thanks and happy Friday.

Frankinmachine · 26/02/2021 10:27

@chatw00 I find the Nike Internationalist really comfortable, and although some people find that the sole is slippery in the rain I have never had an issue with this.

Laquila · 20/04/2021 10:58

@chatw00 FWIW, I also have Nike Internationalist in black and I bloody love them - very versatile and comfy. They come up really well in the washing machine too.

Littlemiss74 · 04/05/2021 06:51

@LavenderHills i’ve just come across this thread which interests me as I’ve spent the weekend trying to sort out my clothes. I am fed up of having piles of clothes everywhere, it’s overwhelming.
I have so many things which don’t go with anything, so many tops with nothing to wear on the bottom etc etc. Most of it is looking old, poor quality, cheap and a bit tight fitting after putting on some lockdown pounds.
I’ve tried going through it all & being ruthless but I could end up with nothing left! I would chuck it all out and start again but I can’t afford to buy a whole new wardrobe. I do have a tendency to buy sale items purely because they are in the sale. Then I realise that they don’t really go with anything or it doesn’t suit/fit me that well.

What’s the best thing to do if I have a wardrobe full of cheap, ill fitting stuff but don’t have the money to replace it all with more expensive stuff?
I am 46 & my body is changing. I want to look nice & well put together but be comfortable & buying cheap, poor quality items just isn’t working for me anymore.

bendmeoverbackwards · 04/05/2021 07:46

Great thread @LavenderHills I’ve just found it and reading with interest.

I love clothes and have far too many. Some don’t get worn much and I know I should get rid/eBay but I like them and think I’ll regret it!

Your choices are so classic and elegant! Can I ask some questions please? Do you buy coloured items or stick to neutrals? How do you feel about prints? Do you thnk prints are less smart than plain?

Dresses? These are my downfall! Any recommendations?