Oh my god. Think my mugshot must be pinned to the counter in Boots

[GeneralClassification]

I needed to buy first aid bits and bobs to take on holiday. Popped into Boots and it was one of the mega sized ones, so I asked an assistant.

What I meant to say was ‘where do you keep the first aid things?’

What I did say was ‘where are the air traffic controllers?’

😭😭😭

She actually backed away from me 😭

Chatting to some colleagues about ladies bras I said the woman who can design a comfy and attractive bra for larger breasted women deserves all the sex in the world! I actually meant all the success in the world

My husband thinks I’ve gone mad. I’m sitting here giggling with my shoulders shaking!
Best post for ages.

I used to work for a shop that sold kites. One of the brands available were called "Cunning Stunts"..

Just remembered another one in a restaurant when my DD was younger we were getting her used to ordering her own food and drink and she asked the waiter for a large cock. Of Course she meant Coke but we were all howling bless her she didn’t understand.

I tried to pay for my nails with a takeaway flyer instead of my voucher I had put the wrong thing in my bag and didn’t have the voucher on me so I whipped out my debit card in embarrassment and it was a supermarket loyalty card

I think @Constantlurker is the best one here I would have to resign I think!!

I once worked at a call centre, which sold furniture. I was taking the order when my manager wanted to check something with me. I put the customer on hold and when I returned he asked "where were we up to" and I replied "we were on the cabinet". He giggled all the way through the order.

I worked at a cinema many moons ago and was once asked for a "small salted cockporn". Poor bloke went bright red.

I think any embarrassing moments henceforth should be called Hairy Growlers

I wanted a tuna sandwich but "id like a sex sandwich please"

🤣 Brilliant.

I don't think I've ever said this before but I think it's the first time I want to nominate a thread for classics! (No idea how to though)
It's proper making me laugh.
I thought shouting "BOO!" at the Amazon guy was the best, but Hairy Growlers!
I'm dead.

I surprised the receptionist at the swimming pool by attempting to enrol my son in breast feeding clinic rather than breast stroke clinic

I was being fitted for a diaphragm. The doctor still had most of her hand inside me and said, "How does that feel?"

I meant to say, "I'm sure it will feel fine in a minute" (meaning when she's finished) but I actually said, whilst her fingers were still - ahem - busy,

"It feels really nice with your fingers."

Oh god I’m loving this thread

My dh comes out with some terrible corkers

Such as
Him:-“omg, he’s a thrush with a capital F”
Me:-“Capital F?”
Him:-“I meant T”

6 year old dd starts laughing

Him:- “What you laughing about? I bet you can’t even spell it!”
Her:-“T-H-R-U-S-H”

...........
Him:- “Shut up!”

This Thread should be in Classics 😂😂😂

I was away with a friend years ago and we were being chatted up by these blokes. My friend asked one of them where he was from and he said Scotland. My friend looked at him and said oh well you don't have a Scottish accent. You sound like Sean Connery.

At the swimming baths once DH asked for a pair of gobbles

I once took my car to the garage for its m.o.t. One of my indicators was flashing really quickly so I told the mechanic.
He asked me what it was doing and instead of saying its winking too fast I actually said it's wanking too fast.
The mechanic and a customer waiting behind me fell about laughing and I've never been back since. 😳

We get a bulk order of meat delivered once a month and I usually open the door for the delivery

One day dh opened the door and greeted the poor man with ‘MEAT!!’ And wide open arms

The poor man shoved the tray of meat into dh arms and ran away

I was writing in a good bye & good luck card for someone at work (we got on well, but only colleagues really) and wrote THANKS.. ... wtaf???

I once said to DH in the middle of a restaurant when we were first dating and said "ohh are we having a ménage a trois tonight?" Que a look of sheer horror on DHs face and many of the people on tables close by.

I only said it because my Nan used to call 3 courses a ménage a trois and I genuinely thought that's what it meant. She's always getting things mixed up and it seems passed it on to me

Eggproducer that is both mortifying and hilarious! How did the doctor respond? I expect you had to change gp after that.

My Nan also did the wanker sign at someone when she meant to put her hand up to say thank you.

My husband rang room service to request the 'house tart'. He wanted a specialty from the dessert trolley...

I love this thread

Did anyone else read "TALL MAN" ala Anchorman "LOUD NOISESS" or was that just me?

I actually hear it as shouted by Robin the caveman from Ghosts!