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Original poster

I can offer you solutions to all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 10:16

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 16:45

FadedRed have PMd you.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 14/02/2019 16:48

Hi OP. Where can I find a time-machine that will take me back to the year 1990?

FadedRed · 14/02/2019 16:48

Thank you sooooo much! I’m now going for a little lie down to imagine how to spend my millions.
You are truly a saint on earth. 😇

Zwischenwasser · 14/02/2019 16:49

Stellar service OP.

Can I ask how many more fucking times my bastard cats will want to come in and out today?

Im (–– having a nap––) not well and resting on the sofa. We can’t fit a catflap and the little fuckers are tag teaming in/out.

UAEMum · 14/02/2019 16:56

Thank you so much. Excellent service

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 16:57

ScreamingValenta the answer to this is contained within the film Idiocracy.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 16:58

Zwischenwasser ask yourself this - do they need a pee or poo? If the answer is no then ignore them completely.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 14/02/2019 17:00

Thank you, thigh - I will see if I can find it to watch.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 17:01

I've got to do some "work" now and watch TV at the same time. Please stay strong, keep your fluids up and rest. I will solve everything later.

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Zwischenwasser · 14/02/2019 17:03

Perfect. Thank you OP.

I’ll ignore the little fuckers. I think they’re doing it out of spite.

Kittykat93 · 14/02/2019 17:22

Your advice is so spot on I think you need your own agony aunt magazine column Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 14/02/2019 17:28

I honestly think you should be running the country thighofrelief. You could do it like Churchill did:slightly drunk, in bed. That'll make Britain great again and sort the whole sorry Brexit mess out

MardAsSnails · 14/02/2019 17:32

I need my problem solving urgently.

I am in the house alone. With my dogs. They are all useless at playing fetch.

My wine is upstairs (odd layout of house means this has to be so). I am downstairs. How do I continue to get drunk with minimal disruption to my homeland Netflix binge?

EducatingArti · 14/02/2019 17:35

I'm feeling really emotional, wobbly and low after a psychotherapy session this morning. What should I do to feel better? I am already lying down and have eaten my weight in chocolate.

TheGirlWithGlassFeet · 14/02/2019 18:20

The baby starts screaming every 3 hours through the night. What's her problem? She's pretty tubby and eats like a horse so I don't think it's a hunger thing.

lucysmam · 14/02/2019 18:29

@thighofrelief101 your advice was excellent & you are definitely correct! I should definitely do less, and lay down more!

PhilomenaButterfly · 14/02/2019 18:32

Thanks thigh.

How do we solve a problem like Maria?

LunchBoxPolice · 14/02/2019 18:34

Why do I keep going for fuckboys? Why haven't I learnt? I'm almost 30.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 19:05

Arti write today off. Some days you should expect no more from yourself than breathing in and out, today is such a day. You have done extremely well to have such good self care skills already. Lying down and eating chocolate was very wise. Do you have crisps? That would settle your stomach and help you eat more chocolate. You should have a bath and put on old pyjamas and then watch the new Danish drama Greyzone. Because you have to read the subtitles you won't be able to think. Should you need dinner later have cereal.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 19:08

Snails you should get an extra dog. This one should be a St Bernard who has a little barrel of emergency brandy. You also should buy a mini fridge for keeping wine at various flash points around the house as this could happen again.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 19:11

glassfeet she sounds very mardy. Buy her a battery powered swing, babies are powerless against them.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 14/02/2019 19:13

Police you are extremely young and ought to be fucking fuckboys as much as possible. Sort yourself out when you're 35.

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DisrespectfulAdultFemale · 14/02/2019 19:20

Thigh, I was going to ask you for advice but have decided to go down the body / bag / river / integral garage route just as soon as I get up from my nap.

Thank you in advance.

WheelyCote · 14/02/2019 19:29

Thigh

I also have a manager problem BUT ill never look at this person the same.

Loved your solution to another poster.

I shall do my bit for humanity. Ill never look at her the same...even when she rants. You made my day🤣😂🤣😂🤣

DanglyTassles · 14/02/2019 19:34

Thank you for sorting my Monster Munch issues OP, I have 25 quids worth coming from Asda tomorrow between 9 am and 10 am and I also asked for them for Valentine's day gift today to tide me over until bedtime!

I think I'm going to be alright now! Cheers!