I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Absolutely howling at in it for the sex and pension....

I'm rumbled

But still .

Stealing a car would get unsolicited attention. Buying a cheap car....who gives a fuck?

Not an official manager thigh. But sort of. Hmm. I think insanity is starting to take hold.

Think I'd best go for a lie down.

Thank you. 💩

How many people are still following this shizz sound wisdom from our beloved oracle?

Hellen, when you say your job involved no lying down, was it up-against-the-wall sex? I thought that was only possible in movies.
You're my new hero (other than thigh of course, and Laska for the hummus)

Thigh, last night between Fuckboys I ventured into the world of AIBU. I was lying down, obs. The first thread I came across was a woman ranting about her FIL eating a chocolate muffin four years ago. They live on enduring grudges and not chocolate muffins, it seems

Vanilla, stay lying down. The Fuckboys provide a crap delivery service. I'm sure they'll sort your ex-neighbour out without you having to lift a finger.

I need a long nap today ,have been down the river all night.. No one told me that Stupendous Steve was going to be there. Actually he did bring me home on his motorbike and made me a jug of coffee and a packet of chocolate biscuits before he left quietly. . I like my coffee black and my biscuits dark . It's an acquired taste ( biuchi plate definitely is Not a vegetable ) ..
O Thigh, no need to apologise, I approached in an incorrect manner, but you showed me the Way and I am Truly grateful..

Sleep now, .. exhausted..

Oh so tired ..please can we do something about the predictive text bastards? It's making me look stupid.. I mean of course that chocolate is in no way related to a vegetable.. ... Oh snuggling up now.

Stupendous Steve was there??!! And to think I spent the night with Wanky Wayne. I feel such a fool. No wonder my coffee hasn't been delivered.

Ditto the predictive text bastards - "dog pop" through the letterbox.

I wonder if the woman who "snapped and farted" would like to lead our "Anti-predictive text" campaign?

Thigh, I have some need of advice.
STBX is being a selfish bastard and making up stupid rules that make no sense. Trouble is, I can't drive, don't have an integral garage, and worst of all the house is rented. What do I do?

I'm still following. Although all the talk of fuckboys is putting me off, sounds too much like hard work for me

Kismet, your STBX thinks he has "rules" does he? You'll need to wait for Thigh if you want reference to a 20th century dictator. In the meantime, let me remind you of the Rules of Thighland, for these are the only rules which you ever need to abide by:

Lie down
No guests
No one is too fat or too thin
No one gets told off

Ssd, the only work involved is getting to the river. And now we know of the bridleway . The Fuckboys do all the work for the rest of the night. We just have to lie down. That is why we put up with their shitty coffee delivery skills.

@Laska Turn off predictive text. It is life changing!

In a way turning off predictive text is like the phone going for a nice lie down.

Kismet do you have a medical or ethical reason for not driving? Did your stbexh bind your feet to enforce the crippling yet erotic lotus flower walk? Driving is easy all you need to do is believe, don't take lessons they're boring with some Ming the Merciless bossing you around. Just steal a car and decide you can drive.

ssd i won't be having sex with Fuckboys anymore. They're becoming too powerful and may form themselves into the Sturmabteilung (not bright enough to be Schutzstaffel). They're nothing to me, i won't miss them. They are there to gather the plastic sheeting and do the heavy lifting re body disposal.

OP can you please motivate me to drag my sorry arse upstairs to get showered and dressed?

Twitter firstly stop what is making you think you need to do this? If you don't want to shower and dress then don't. If the stairs is the issue just find a tea towel, wet it and run it over any obvious dirt then get something from the laundry pile and wear it again. This isn't Manchukuo, nobody will kill you for not showering and dressing.

tx.

Mystery what you say you are not an official manager does this mean that you are doing things you are not being paid for? Has someone given you a Krispy Kreme and put you in charge of consumables and praised your knitting skillz?

You have fallen foul of Management101. This isn't My Lai you know, break free and get on the Ho Chi Minh trail, vote with your unbound feet.

@getting thank you for the reminder, I almost forgot to lie down.

Thankyou @thigh for your inspiration. STBX got the driving license & car and I did too much erotic hobbling hence the X part.

Kismet if you are scared of prison (no judgement) use Hellens car when she's on a break. It's got flashing lights and sirens therefore safer to do belief driving in as everyone will get out of your way.

The satnav in Helen's car also has the pig farm saved as a favourite, so you won't need to bother yourself with maps and shizz