I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

I have washed up...I now have slightly wrinkly hands, some red and some cheese !. I think this means I am in need of another lie down

Yes 'supper' sounds so much better Luaa .Posh even.

Laska2Meryls You've behaved quite badly in refusing to overeat despite Getting instructing you to. I deputised her and she offered you sound advice. Now you confess to standing up and also....washing up. That's disgusting, I'm disgusted.

None of this is your fault. I note that you are "married", therein lies your problem. Your "husband" has tried to turn you into one of those people. People who try hard, eat vegetable and act dutiful. Has he tried to force you to become a Mindful Wife? Does he ask you to warm his watch?

Don't worry, this is a safe space. I'm not planning the Benin Massacre, I will help you.

You must learn how to live in Thighland though, you must throw of those societal shackles.

A quick question - what snacks have you eaten today? DON'T LIE.

My DD keeps hitting the au pair! Please help.

IndianaMoleWoman do you intend to grow these children yourself with your own body? Don't do that, it's boring. There are a lot of new series on Neflix and more succubi will ruin all of that for you.

Fuckboys are down by the river. Found out for a friend.

WitchoftheBog you may have cats, but they have to type out their own questions. They are not Hirohito either.

thighs have these river-based fuckboys you speak of had vasectomies? Also asking for a friend.

Gettingsomewhere I'm proud of you for eating three dinners .

Brava!!

IndianaMoleWoman yes they are Jaffas. Found out for a friend.

..
Oh no .. properly told off,. I am humbled and very sorry O Thigh I thought I was doing well....

um.... I did look at a recipe for chocolate mug cake..(but didnt make it , its true) but I did buy an expensive frock from Toast and some shoes online , I have now had 2 glasses of wine..and some cheese ..

I will try harder .

DH hasn't asked me to warn his watch .. I know i shouldn't protect him, as he is a mere male . and does do other perverted things like was the car by hand .. But he does bring me tea in bed and yesterday he even made me a bacon sandwich.. ( perhaps it was him that stole Kelper's bacon )

dellacucina if your girl child employing the au pair herself? If so, I would say it's between the employer and employee to sort out their industrial disputes.

If you are paying this worker then stop. Your girl child should be looking after herself by now, you've given quite enough of yourself.

This isn't Yemen you know, assert yourself.

Hello all.

Reporting back after cooking a vegan dinner and cakes for 50 people. As previously mentioned I had committed to this crime against napping before reading this thread.

And I'm not a vegan either.

In the end I went for flapjack because it seemed easier, and also bribed a 14 year old to make it for me.

I'm now having a lie down. I'm learning!

Laska2Meryls don't worry, I can see that you are contrite. But I suspect you are covering for your "husband". It's not your fault, you can learn. Tomorrow please do your best to be mardy, lie down and do no wife work.

thigh thank you. I also just read that you can’t have wine when incubating the spawn so it’s a definite no from me. Just ordering an Uber heading to the river, ASAP. For a friend.

IndianaMoleWoman what do you mean you can't have wine whilst incubating? Of course you can, you can do anything you like. The "baby" might as well learn who's in charge in utero.

The fuckwitted little shrimp.

Gettingsomewhere I also advocate divorce and I have a beautiful shrine to the God of Divorce. But now I see that the integral garage is the way forward. Life insurance....just saying.

KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse Brava and huzzah!

I'm very proud of you for lowering your standards so very much. I'm awarding you a Thmedal [medal] for reverse improvement. I hope you thought ahead and got the 14 year old bribee to make them badly? You don't want anyone asking again.

thigh from what I’ve read on the NHS website, the health visitor might frown upon my daily breakfast of a 3 litre box of wine and a prawn and pate platter. Who knew? That’s why I have a strict no-visitors-health-or-otherwise policy. I don’t want to be frowned upon in my own home. Might kill my wine buzz.

Next they’ll be telling me not to give a newborn a nice whisky and honey bedtime bottle.

IndianaMoleWoman it's just thought control, throw off the shackles.
If you really must bow to societal pressure then keep to white wine with 10% abv cos that's just juice and healthy. Also smoke only quality fags whilst pregnant, B&H Gold rather than Mayfair and nothing smuggled in from Albania - your "baby" with thank you for it.

Well done on your no guests rule, it's the No 1 Rule in Thighland (I think, is it Getting?)

It's actually No 2 Rule No Guests
It comes after Lie Down and before No one is too fat or too thin.

No 2.
Rule No 1 is lie down. Priorities

Indiana, name the baby "Chardonnay"

Why do old men have Old Man Breath (😷🤢) and how can I stop my DH from developing it?

Obloody, don't let him get old. Garage, pigs, etc

Well caught Getting - I was stumped there and just couldn't think of a Dictator to illustrate

Off for a bath.

After only 3 weeks of passively mentioning at every mealtime that dentist has been emailing texting and FB messenging me to say that DH's appointment is well overdue he booked it all by himself today. This I assure you after 22 years of being married to the dear fuckwitted useless chap is a major victory. Thankyou thigh and all the cohorts.