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Original poster

To Have Murderous Thoughts About Colleague?

590 replies

Mansplanation · 08/08/2018 20:34

I’m leaving my job and my replacement was hired, so I’m handing over.

Today he’s been reviewing my work over the last few months to get familiar with the accounts and when I asked how he was getting on, his reply was ‘it’s all quite good actually! I’m really surprised!’ Hmm

Later in the day, he commented that ‘you’re actually quite good at your job aren’t you?’

Then ‘well done, this looks like you planned it this way’

He also proceeded to explain my job to me in great detail. Over. And over. And over again. All the while, asking very very basic questions and eventually I said ‘yep, that’s very standard, have you not seen that before?’ To call him out on it and he replied ‘yeah I have, I just wanted to see if you knew why it’s done that way’

I DID FUCKING PLAN IT THAT WAY, IM VERY GOOD AT MY JOB AND YOU ARE REPLACING ME BECAUSE IM MOVING TO A MUCH, MUCH MORE SENIOR ROLE YOU INTOLLERABLE, MANSPLAINING SHART GOBLIN Angry

Somebody PLEASE lend me their willpower because I’m one ‘well done’ away from stapling a gold star to his fucking forehead.

I need to bite my tongue so I can leave and get to my new job but I’m really bloody struggling Sad

OP posts:
sonjadog · 09/08/2018 12:41

You have my sympathy. I used to work with a mansplainer too. Eventually I got sarcastic, which seemed to put a stop to it.

FlaviaAlbia · 09/08/2018 12:42

He's panicking about you realising he's out of his depth and covering his arse in advance. Does he know you need him there to cover your notice period?

EndOfEternity · 09/08/2018 12:43

Correctile dysfunction 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you so much for this!

OP I’m in awe of your restraint. Keep using this thread, stay tolerant, then run for the hills! After all if he really can’t cope with the work hopefully they’ll give him the boot at the end if his probation period and one of your team may get a nice promotion.

eyycarumba · 09/08/2018 12:44

FYI I'm not saying your spunkbubble chauvinist is a paedo, just an anecdote.

I work in a very male dominated industry and often get clients phone through to speak to someone about a job, even if it's my work they will still demand to speak to someone 'senior' (aka male) because my little oestrogen swamped brain obviously cannot tell you how long it takes to replace a fan. I also have a unisex name and the change in tone some of these guys have when they realise I am in actual fact, not a man, is extraordinary.

yiskasha · 09/08/2018 13:00

I would definitely pull him up on him telling another colleague that he's a consultant "helping you out". Does he realise it's a permanent job? He sounds like a knob, you have my sympathy.

Maelstrop · 09/08/2018 13:06

I’m dying at this thread! Definitely pull him up on every comment cos you know he’ll be slagging you off the second you go.

I’ve had so many people do this to me over the years. It drives me potty. I’ve learnt several responses, including the ‘You don’t say?’ wide eyed look of amazement, then the sly ‘Yeah, just like I was doing back 5 years ago. Hmm, ok.’

Bonkers bloke.

RiceandBeans · 09/08/2018 13:46

Of course I remember, @RiceandBeans - we had such a lovely conversation about embroidery, and cooking and fluffy kittens

Oh yes, and how nice it is that our husbands really support us working for pin money, so we can buy all the shoes. How they are so good as to cook on the weekends, because working taxes our strength so much.

eddielizzard · 09/08/2018 13:53

Go and take a walk.

Then find your manager and negotiate garden leave so you don't end up throttling this guy. As long as they decide to keep him in the role so you don't have to wait til they find someone else...

Trethew · 09/08/2018 14:00

This is the most entertaining thread Ive followed for months

Original poster
Mansplanation · 09/08/2018 14:12

I’ve just finished a conversation with him. I had to take him aside in the end because I was starting to get startled looks from colleagues who are clocking on to the absurd comments. Can’t risk them blowing the whistle and me ending up here until December. It was awful.

I went with ‘ive noticed you’ve been asking some very basic questions and also seeking clarification for things I’d expect you to be confident in. When I interviewed you and subsequently decided to hire you, I made that decision on the strength of your knowledge during our face to face interview and on the strength of your CV. I’m now concerned that you’ve over sold your skill set as the statements you keep making are well below the level of insight this role requires.’ pointy look

His response was ‘no no, I understand I’m just getting into the swzing of the job’

So I said ‘that’s fine, just be aware though that vocalising those basic questions and explaining simple things at length as if they’re new to you is throwing your capability into doubt and I’d hate for you to have an uphill struggle convincing the others of your competence once I leave in a couple of weeks’

Him ‘oh ok ok, don’t worry I know what I’m doing’

Me: ‘I’m not at all worried, I’m here for the next couple of weeks to assist you so if you’ve got any further questions you’re unclear on, just ask’.

OP posts:
CholloDeNombre · 09/08/2018 14:14

I'm almost positive he's blagged his way into this job and is now crapping himself. Good luck, OP.

RevRichardWayneGaryWayne · 09/08/2018 14:17

I'm choosing to believe that's not a typo and he actually said "swzing". I imagine him as the type of man who'd say "swzing"!

Cauliflowersqueeze · 09/08/2018 14:18

Great development. I think that should knock it on the head.

Discombobulated42 · 09/08/2018 14:23

"Perhaps when you're as good at the job as me you'll get a promotion too!!"

M3lon · 09/08/2018 14:34

I think the occasional additional 'z' in the OPs post are just the icing on the cake!

That was a really good intervention there OP, kindly meant and professionally done.

Hopefully he will begin to realise he needs to be honest with you if you are both going to get what you want out of this!

FreezerBird · 09/08/2018 14:36

Of course I remember, RiceandBeans - we had such a lovely conversation about embroidery, and cooking and fluffy kittens - such suitable subjects for our little lady brains!

And I phoned you, do you remember, as I need something explaining and hubby was at work - I can't disturb him, he so very busy - and I wondered if your husband was available to explain to me.

You mentioned then that @RiceandBeans and @Mansplanation were with you.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/08/2018 14:43

And luckily, not only was dh present and able to offer his pearls of wisdom, but ds1 was also there as he too is on annual leave from his Very Important Job, so there was no danger of me having to worry my tiny brain with your query, @FreezerBird.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 09/08/2018 14:54

I have forest sounds currently playing on Google Assistant. I think you might need something similar. How long do you have to put up with SG?

justilou1 · 09/08/2018 15:12

While it should knock it on the head, I have grave fears that it won’t. I suspect your consumption of tea during work hours wine afterwards is going to increase exponentially in the next couple of weeks. We wait with baited breath for the next installment. Will you staple his minsicule bits to the desk? Will you post-it his mansplaining gob shut? Will you zip tie him to his desk chair and push him down the nearest stair well? Justifiable homicide and we are all going to be witnesses for the defence at your trial should it go to court.

IAintEvenBovveredThough · 09/08/2018 15:15

This is hilarious 😂😂😂

RiceandBeans · 09/08/2018 15:18

Wow, @mansplanation you are dealing with this so very well.

And remember, we are your alibi should you succumb to being all-too-human and have to murder him.

drspouse · 09/08/2018 16:04

Have you had a word with the other people that interviewed him?

It's not too late to call back the no 2 choice...

Gigis · 09/08/2018 16:15

Ooof it's actually quite tricky now to know what the best course of action is. I think your conversation with him was exvellent; professional and to the point.
However If you leave and he massively cocks up will it reflect badly on you as you hired him or not? If it's likely to be a poor reflection and tarnish your (evidently excellent!) reputation maybe it's time to call in the second choice from interview and say that this SHART GOBLIN(!!) hasn't passed his probation period? (Assuming there is one?)

Original poster
Mansplanation · 09/08/2018 16:20

Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god. I’m hiding in the loos.

He’s been rumbled. My manager just asked him a question and he defaulted to me. Before I could answer, my manager said ‘oh hasn’t that been handed over yet?’ so before my brain engaged, my stupid shitting mouth said ‘yep, it has’ and she said ‘so SG can answer that then’ * pointed, patient look at SG’

SG waffles on for 7 whole minutes (I watched the clock on my screen) about something completely unrelated, and every time my manager tried to shut him down or redirect him, he put his hand up or raised his eyebrows and said ‘just a minute I’m getting to that’ whilst getting progressively redder in the face.

She’s just asked me to go into a meetings g room with her she I said I’d meet her there after I’d been to the loo and now I’ve been in here 5 minutes and everyone is going to think I’m pooping Sad

WTF do I do??

OP posts:
TorviBrightspear · 09/08/2018 16:22

Go in and maybe run with the suggestion to call back the 2nd choice candidate