My feed

to access all these features

This forum is the home of Mumsnet classic threads.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Mumsnet classics

People keep having sex in my hedge...

913 replies

eurgh · 25/06/2018 17:00

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

OP posts:
Reaa · 25/06/2018 17:01

"Don't you have somewhere else to go" would be my response.

Namastethefuckawayfromme · 25/06/2018 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redglitter · 25/06/2018 17:01

I'd decide it was time my hedge had a watering and turn the hose on it

Deshasafraisy · 25/06/2018 17:01

Water pistol

fruitbrewhaha · 25/06/2018 17:02

I have sex in my bush

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 25/06/2018 17:03

I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something

I can’t imagine why you haven’t!! Confused just tell them to fuck off.

rosesandflowers1 · 25/06/2018 17:04

Put up a polite notice Smile

If that doesn't stop them, they're clearly shameless so a loud "do you mind" or a hose is more appropriate.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 25/06/2018 17:04

I need to see a photo of This hedge to understand why they’re choosing it to shag in.

MeMyselfand · 25/06/2018 17:04

Confused start doing a David Attenborough commentary whenever they are at it

5foot5 · 25/06/2018 17:05

Is your do trained to "fetch"?

Could you maybe lob a ball or a stick or something in to the hedge and get your dog to go in after it then see what fun ensues?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 25/06/2018 17:05

Hose out of window

5foot5 · 25/06/2018 17:05

"dog" not "do"

Cornettoninja · 25/06/2018 17:06


Perfect weather to encourage pests in that particular area or encourage your dog to go to the toilet there...

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 25/06/2018 17:06

fruitbrew perhaps you need a trim

Timeisslippingaway · 25/06/2018 17:07

Why wouldn't you say anything!

Tarrarra · 25/06/2018 17:07

Can you pop some manure under it, to make it a less appealing spot? Failing that just a few of your dog poos?? 😃

HandPickedEklderflower · 25/06/2018 17:07

Is it 2 of your neighbours in a clandestine relationship? pretending to
walk their dogs?

My DF kept meeting 2 of our neighbours a couple of minutes apart up in the hills dog walking. Village scandal of the century when their affair was exposed-only one not surprised- my father.

eurgh · 25/06/2018 17:07

@MeMyselfand oh that would be so good I'll have to work on my voice!
I don't know why I haven't said something really. I don't know why but I think I feel rude disturbing their coitus ConfusedHmm
Hedge photo coming up

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 25/06/2018 17:07

What time are they doing it? it's still so light at the moment, it's not completely dark until gone 11pm.

Shine a big torch at them?

Purplehammer · 25/06/2018 17:08

Ask if they fancy a threesome.

eurgh · 25/06/2018 17:08

The hedge!

People keep having sex in my hedge...
OP posts:
sexnotgender · 25/06/2018 17:08

Definitely hose the cheeky fuckers.

Dobbythesockelf · 25/06/2018 17:09

People regularly have sex in your hedge? Do you live close to a dogging site or something? A one off I could understand but regularly it seems odd.
But my dh works in a car garage and has lost count of the amount of times people have had sex on the car bonnets on a weekend night but he does work next to a nightclub. CCTV doesn't deter drunks either.
I would give them a round of applause when they finish. Might embarrass them or if it is a dogging site they might think you want to join in.....

femidom12 · 25/06/2018 17:09

That's disgusting CF's should respect your privet(cy)

Windmyonlyfriend · 25/06/2018 17:09

Creep up close to the hedge on your side and start making sex noises back at them. If they stop, you stop. If they start again, so do you.

I’ve done that to noisy neighbours before. Puts them right off their stride.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.