Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

Stephisaur no we have normal sized wheelie bins. It’s not great. We have to squash it down. We recycle loads, but our council doesn’t take plastic. So the bin is full at the end of the fortnight. I can’t bear to think what 3 weeks would be like with the same size bin.

Last bank holiday the bin collection was on a different day and we missed it. So we had a months waste for the next time they came. It’s not very hygienic if you think about nappies and sanitary items.

I’m going to say * the note is deliberately dumbed down in a faux ignorant way to lead us to the conclusion that the writer is illiterate and hasn’t much education, and is male.

My bet is on a reasonable educated, middle aged Hyacinth type woman who gave up working when she had ‘her’ children, (boy and then girl), and hasn’t much going on since her DH drank the arsenic laced tea last year (on purpose)

I think she attends church in ostentatiously overdecorated hats as she’s in the W.I., and prides herself in her advanced macramé techniques.

In real life she has a beautiful copperplate handwriting style, for which she received a special commendation prize in school when she was 9 and a half, and of which she’s especially proud. She migh even have embroidered a copy of her, oh so special certificate presented to her by her favorite (winking) male teacher —->daddy issues.

Disclaimer*

I also think the dailymail are cunts.

See I think it's a woman too.

And not particularly bright, no way is it an ex-CEO with that level of writing.

She'll have gossiped with a few people over the fence and think that makes her represent the villagers.

Any little old ladies with an old slow dog walk past your farm OP?

Corneliusmurphy

YES! I bet it's those crusty jugglers!

Copy it and post a copy to every one of your neighbours. Busy bodies grip my shit

Lots of OAP dog walkers, have never seen any of them litter picking though

It would be marvellous if the CCTV showed the fly tipper(s) were some of the “villagers” who wrote the letter

You beat me to it

The letter looks as if it's been written by the sort of person with an unhealthy interest in comics and bus spotting, but overall I agree with PPs who've said to put a whacking great notice out, explaining what's what

Wonderful thread though

I think the letter is deliberately badly written to put you off the scent, to make it look like someone who can't spell but I think it's from someone terribly important on a committee. Pin it to the local noticeboard together with local adult education information.

Ooo sounds like our village, except we're not blessed with weekly bin collections. I want to know what the "measures" are...

Maybe it's someone who was using the farm bonfire to build a big fire for the wicker man, and you've spoilt his fun?

Gets more popcorn...

Good Lord. Do you live in the village of Howling, Sussex?

In real life she has a beautiful copperplate handwriting style, for which she received a special commendation prize in school when she was 9 and a half

This really tickled me

As an ardent Miss Marple fan, this reminds me of the beginning of "The Moving Finger".
If I am right, it is the local solicitors who is about to bump off his wife.

Will there be another mystery if the bobby was last seen in the fascinate of the creek?? Let's hope they didn't get to her too.

😂

I'd be thinking of ways to get everyone I meet to use the word vicinity....

I particularly liked “facinate” took me a while to figure out what they were trying to say!

I’d have a word with the Parish Council to ask for help re fly tipping and passive aggressive villagers

This is one thread I'd like to have been picked up by the Daily Scrotum tbh.
Especially if they printed it... We could organise a crowdfunding to buy a few thousand copies and send it to every house in Portmeirion The Village.

Use the cctv to see who posted the note? Or did they send it via the mail

This is ridiculous.
I love it.

You need the five find outers and dog

I think it looks like a woman's handwriting. I can't decide if the spelling mistakes are intentional or not though. There is some consistency (e.g. anamal and edable where the same i sound has been spelled incorrectly as an a).

Definitely slightly cowardly, inwardly seething, curtain twitcher busybody type though!

I’m sorry but I’m creased at the watermark 😂

The Village™️ have spoken. Are they usually like this - unhinged and politely threatening? I agree with a PP they made a mistake handwriting and assuming hand delivering it to an address which has cctv and signposts stating that.

We are on every-three-weeks for our rubbish collections and it is fairly grim. Especially when they 'forget' to come to us and we have to wait until next bin day. Last time this happened was in May when it was very hot and our bin bags sat outside our garden gate for three weeks in full sun because they kept on saying they would come and take them away, but didn't.
OP this has brightened up my day. I think you can rule out the schoolteacher as the letter writer :)

Fasinate = vicinity?

I'm wondering if a kid wrote that letter. It's appalling!

That is definitely busybody handwriting.

No, not placemarking

you are the source of much village anxiety!

Placemarking need to get comfy tonight and red this thread what a letter i would be fuming although ‘certain villagers part cracked me up!! You know its just one annoying little git who thinks they own the rd lol