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Original poster

Apparently, I'm Dead.

999 replies

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 08:21

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently Hmm

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun Blush)

OP posts:
littlepill · 13/02/2018 09:28

Anyone else keep reading M5 as MI5?

You will be MI5t Grin It's a conspiracy by the government.

Hassled · 13/02/2018 09:29

"You'll be mist" has finished me off. I'm deaded.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 13/02/2018 09:29

next time DH brings me tea I might have a quick nibble and get the ball rolling...

THAT made me spray my tea! Lucky DH!

bridgetreilly · 13/02/2018 09:30

Yesterday I was laughing at Beethoven, and today this. It's the week for dead people walking:

Apparently, I'm Dead.
Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 09:30

tooextra I had a look, I don't recognise the name but her profile picture is definitely someone I recognise from school. I think her name is her married name. Everything else on her profile is locked down.

I don't remember much else about her, she was only in our school for a year or so at the end because she left early and had a kid as far as I know. Never spoke to her or knew her at all really which is weird.

OP posts:
juneau · 13/02/2018 09:30

The woman I went to school with who has the same name as me has just posted to moan about traffic so I think we can assume she's still alive.

Don't be too hasty! She could be talking about traffic of people passing to the other side. She could be in a queue at the pearly gates ...

alotalotalot · 13/02/2018 09:31

I hope they aren't squabbling over your will and you have left dh well provided for. Watch he doesn't go on a big spending spree today though.

Darkbendis · 13/02/2018 09:31

Anyway, best excuse not to go to work. One cannot go to work when dead, right? And since you read it on FB, it MUST be true!

Afreshcuppateaplease · 13/02/2018 09:31

Haha this thread is great

Im glad the dead can still eat!

MadisonAvenue · 13/02/2018 09:31

A few years ago there was an obituary in the paper for someone with my name (or rather my name before I married) who was the same age as me and lived in the same town.

For some obscure reason, which I still can't fathom out, I had a huge number of friend requests from people I hadn't been in contact with since school.
No idea how they thought I was going to accept them.

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 13/02/2018 09:32

It's a bit of a bugger when you wake up dead. Not what you need on a Tuesday morning.

GrouchyKiwi · 13/02/2018 09:32

Will you be starting the Santa Clarita diet soon, OP?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/02/2018 09:33

I have to say you're not being very helpful, OP ... there are at least two recent threads asking what happens to us when we die and the least you could have done was pop on there to tell us Grin

Darkbendis · 13/02/2018 09:33

To tell them all about the Afterlife, of course, Madison! Duuuh!

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 09:34

Apocalyptic I know right? And who dies on a Tuesday morning?? At least pick a day of the week with a bit of pizazz... I've always had a good feeling about Thursdays...

OP posts:
Darkbendis · 13/02/2018 09:34

Puzzled, apparently you get to stay in bed and get cups of tea. And chat on Mumsnet with random people.

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2018 09:34

My late mum had the same name as me,
so when she died, I had so much correspondence - she had left very complicated funeral arrangements
The umpteen Emails and letters with

Funeral of the late BigChocFrenzy

and then much discussion of the Order of Service for the late BigChocFrenzy

As I was bereaved & very sad at the time, it didn't help.

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 09:35

Puzzled my sincere apologies. I'm a staunch atheist I'm afraid, so the fact I'm experiencing some level of consciousness at all is causing a kind of paradoxical existential crisis.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 13/02/2018 09:36

I think the source of the misinformation should properly be called M0 like Patient Zero in zombie films epidemic preparation procedures.

There's a certain irony in the fact that all the first few messages about missing you are from people who haven't had any contact with you in years. Like ... surely they've been missing you in the meantime?

Crocusqueen · 13/02/2018 09:36

"you'll be mist"

That's just so beautiful. I'm imagining your soul, BigFatFanny, rising like the soft mist on an Autumn morning, a gentle reminder of our own mortality.

We are all mist on this blessed day.

UnsuspectedItem · 13/02/2018 09:37

Nominated for classics and shamelessly placemarking

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2018 09:37

If the afterlife is pnut butter & banana sarnies while Mumsnetting
it sounds ok atm

but I'm fairly sure any respectable afterlife has no shagging
How far would your DH take this ?

AnotherAardvark · 13/02/2018 09:37

Tbh I’m not quite sure how I feel about the afterlife having excellent Mumsnet access! Smile Congrats on your miraculous resurrection OP.

PostcodeJack · 13/02/2018 09:37

M4 ordered your death. The tagged person is the assassin. The "?" is querying why tagee (sp?) failed in their mission. The removal of mourning post was to disassociate themselves from you when the assassin finally succeeds.

Roomba · 13/02/2018 09:38

My aunt once received her phone bill, addressed to 'The Executor of the Estate of Aunt'sname'. She was a bit disconcerted to say the least! Turned out someone at the phone company had made an input error when she'd phoned them about something else, and it had generated her 'final' bill.