Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

Well this is absolutely bizarre!! You and your DH are absolutely hilarious OP, also the fact that you have been together since you were 12 is amazing.

Well, I've got to the end, and it's been a joy.

She's a complete fruit loop, I agree with posting all her messages to you and tagging all the mourners in.

Just read the thread and can't believe it! This woman is off her rocker but I do think you need to protect yourself a bit OP. She's clearly got issues.

I reckon she remembers herself as being in the In Crowd when she was at school and has always considered herself as being one of the Elite. So to ensure everyone knows how important and special she actually is she has cast an eye about and seen your dh being a fabulous Viking AND he's in the band so he's really important and special. Her eye rests there and as she remembers being at school with him and how dishy he was in 6th form, she's decided that he will be a suitable bf for her when she was also as special as he is. She has forgotten that in Y9 he was not the amazing Viking he is now; she probably has no recollection of him as he actually was in Y9.

She has confirmed her specialness by having this amazing Viking man as her bf in Y9, way back. Her specialness is such that the Viking whom everyone loves actually wanted her and cheated on his own gf with her.

She has no memory of what he was like at school at that age. Her mental pic of him is one of desirable popular Viking desiring her.

I agree with those PPs saying that you should report this woman to the police, it sounds like she's obsessed with you and your DH. It's definitely harassment.

Psycho Killer qu'est - ce que c'est?

Hilarious thought-she has a good job (hopefully not for long)
Email the thread from FB to the HR department where she works
Try and get her work email and copy her in on it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Revenge is sweet 😀😀
Honestly I just can't get over this
Well done to you and DH for being strong 💐

I def agree it’s attention seeking on her behalf! Some people thrive on this tbh!

Yay! Classics!

Apologies for the delay, I’m still alive I swear.

DH returned with a bottle of wine and a catipillar cake

His reasoning was and I quote:

‘Well you don’t die every day do you, so if you can’t eat cake for dinner today frankly when can you?’..

I’ve ordered a Chinese.

I forget sometimes that’s DH had a bit of an interrupted childhood so he is essentially a massive kid

You are an astounding couple! I can't imagine there's many people that would take this situation in such good humour.

Plus caterpillar cake. Which is exceptional

Oh shit I have a sleeping sick toddler and I'm snorting so I don't laugh while DH looks at me like I'm mad when he asked what I'm laughing at apparently choking"where's my bastard foot you sadist" doesn't help him much

So glad this is going into classics.

You and your DH sound fantastic

DH is currently engrossed in the thread and reading it start to finish. I’ve kept him updated but I’ve just told him he’s now a mumsnet sex symbol

Very funny thread. There are some very clever comments on here. I am impressed.

And OP your relationship sounds lovely.
With your husband I mean, not with M0

Sell this as an Eastenders storyline? Make some cash off it at least lol

You lot are lovely

DH is blushing, I’m assuming he’s reached the bit where you lot all tell him he’s wonderful

Best thread I’ve ever read.

where's my bastard foot you sadist is the new I'm Angela Hernandez! 😂

I wonder if she's on MN?

I just told dp about the sadistic foot hiding and now he's lamenting my two-footedness.

I hope she IS on mumsnet, that would be the icing on the fwake cake.

YouTheCat 😂

M0 sounds slightly scary, but you amd your DH sound brilliant Fanny!

Been trying not to laugh too hard at this as I have bronchitis and don't want to die of laughter-induced coughing!

"where's my bastard foot you sadist?"

MNClassics...