Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

yesbut oh no, not you too?? We’re dropping like flies...

You so need to go to the place they have drinks, and say HI I'm Fanny for name road, did you hear about the crash we had down the bottom, and watch her soil her panties.

Well I suppose your DH has one foot in the grave.

I wrote a book where the main character unexpectedly discovers she’s dead.

Is it possible you’re a ghost, OP? Can you see any other ghosts?

Must be catching 🤣🤣

This is the funniest thread I’ve ever read!

I feel I know you and now I want to attend your fwake.

I love your sense of humour @BigFat.

I also wish to be friends with Mr and Mrs @BigFatFanny

I would love to see MrFatFanny throw a foot at his drummer too. Any chance of an invite to their next gig @BigFatFanny

I do love a bit of death metal...

I wouldn't trust him out at Tesco alone OP he could be wooing women in every aisle by throwing his foot at them!! I bet he's banging the drummer too! (badum tsshh)

I'm pretty sure that M0 made up you were dead so that in a couple of weeks she could bump you off herself and restart her imaginary affair with DH. Perfect crime. No one would suspect a thing.

I've laughed through this thread but that one foot in the grave comment has killed me....shame I'm not on Facebook for someone to announce it

Bloody hell! Get back from DDs swimming and there are more twists! M0 is...how shall I put this? Utterly batshit isn't she?

Hahahahaha the one foot in the grave comment has pushed me over the edge (of laughter, not the grave).

I'm actually shaking with laughter

"When you are in a hole, stop digging."
When you're in a grave, stop digging morelike

I'm trying to imagine what "death themed" food your DH is going to pick up for dinner

Death Cap mushroom risotto?
Sausages and Grave-y?

watching a very tall man you adore hopping around the house swearing ‘where’s my bastard foot you sadist’ is excellent

Ok this is now AMAZING, you guys are great!

Fish and She's Had Her Chips

Oh this is just sublime. A true zombie thread

Feel slightly sorry for the woman, she’s going to be the talk of the town herself now for all of the wrong reasons!

OP, M0s name doesn't start with J does it..??

where’s my bastard foot you sadist
My cat fell off me from me laughing too hard. Fuck that’s hilarious, op you kill me

I haven't laughed so hard in ages!! My pelvic floor is not what it once was apparently!!

surely has to be linked to on fb?

My sister taught juniors and rumour got arid they that she had ‘got sick, gone home... and died’ (no she’d gone home with a migraine).

So instead of checking out her child’s story, the mum of the child told everyone and it spread like wildfire.

Sis said that people were gawping at her open mouth the next day when she sauntered into work.

Best. Thread. Ever.

I like that she thinks her weird stalking of your DH would mean you would believe her, leave him and he would ride off into the sunset with her.

I want to come and see the band play!

Well as it is Valentines Day tomorrow, maybe your DH will come home with a Death By Chocolate Cake