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Original poster

Apparently, I'm Dead.

999 replies

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 08:21

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently Hmm

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun Blush)

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 13/02/2018 17:22

'When you're in a hole, check that you're actually dead and meant to be there in the first place'

She is super duper weird.

However on the plus side it sounds as if this is all in a day's friendship for M1 and Co and that they will simply blink and carry on with their days and not consider for a moment that she can possibly be telling the truth about anything.

MinorRSole · 13/02/2018 17:22

Your poor dh. His wife is dead and he has all the drama of an affair with none of the fun. He's had a rough day

bastardkitty · 13/02/2018 17:23
Grin
Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 17:23

According to M1 none of them believe a word of it and they’ve known she was lying about DH for a while.

The biggest mystery here is why on earth theynall continue to hang around with her??

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/02/2018 17:24

I expect it's already been said, Fanny but rumours of your death have been a bit on the wild side, haven't they? Your 'friend' sounds like one of those whose first response is rush to FB and post the news - whether it's correct or not - nevermind, just get there first. She should come clean though, if you've checked the sources and it leads back to her then it's her.

Glad to see that you're still here and posting. I do like your husband's idea of Valentine presents, very original and much better than chocolates (in my non-chocolate-liking opinion). Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 13/02/2018 17:24

Lol at 'misunderstood'

'When I said died horribly in a car crash I actually meant to say tried cream to get rid of a skin rash FFS do you people not listen to a word I bleat.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 13/02/2018 17:24

If, as M1 is suggesting, her friends all know that she makes up lies I wonder why they took her at face value when she said that you'd died? You would think that they would know to double-check. Perhaps they just thought that nobody would sink low enough to make up a lie like that.

I would also take a copy of the messages and get your husband to tell her not to contact him or you again and just block her. She sounds like she loves drama, so don't be tempted to give her any or she might be prompted to make up further rumours, things that might be harder to disprove than being dead and therefore might me more damaging to you or your DH.

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 17:25

minor I know right?? Poor sausage. He’s gone to Tesco to pick up something for dinner, if it’s not death themed I’ll be so disappointed!

OP posts:
FooFighter99 · 13/02/2018 17:25

Wow, this really has taken a very dark turn hasn't it!?

Make sure you keep screen shots of all her messages OP, just in case she does try to do you in!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/02/2018 17:25

‘totally mad, who would fancy DH??’

And the mood has officially be lightened! Good ol DM! Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 13/02/2018 17:25

You could answer with the shortest message possible

nbdy blvs u

Only joking.

blueskyinmarch · 13/02/2018 17:26

It sounds like she is unravelling. Are any of your friends close to her? Has she got a partner or maybe recently been dumped? I know she has been awful to you but it sounds like she might be unwell.

DancesWithOtters · 13/02/2018 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenTulips · 13/02/2018 17:28

Does your mom do 'guest speaking' sound alike a hoot!!

Blackteadrinker77 · 13/02/2018 17:29

The biggest mystery here is why on earth theynall continue to hang around with her

YABU to expect them to give up their free comedian. She'll even buy her own drinks and they can laugh whilst she goes to the bar

StormTreader · 13/02/2018 17:30

Wow, its lucky the two of you are so open and transparent, and also that she is so clearly unhinged, because this really shows how quickly an un-disprovable "affair" story can get started. Its not as if she will ever back down, and shes so loud and definite - the slightest crack of doubt about a "musician husband who's out at gigs all the time" and this could all have gotten very nasty.

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 17:31

bluesky in my head there’s no question, she’s clearly unwell. I don’t think she’s delusional, she isn’t insisting I am in fact dead. I think she has extremely low self esteem to be honest.

OP posts:
MipMipMip · 13/02/2018 17:32

Please please please, tomorrow put up a photo of you both from year nine with "remembering my and DH's first valentine together". Just so she can see who she was cheating with.

I know that's mean and I don't care.

PerfectlyPosed · 13/02/2018 17:32

But have you asked M1 why it took her 48 hours to post on your Facebook after finding out you had "died"?!

TitsNnails · 13/02/2018 17:32

I'd be speaking to the police. There's something really malicious about this!

lurkingnotlurking · 13/02/2018 17:34

I wonder if it's worth mentioning to the local police.... This is stalker stuff

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 13/02/2018 17:35

Maybe M1 thought this may be the perfect opportunity to show up M0, after checking you weren't actually dead first.

SoupDragon · 13/02/2018 17:36

Just in case you get a dead cat on the doorstep or something.....

Would that be Schrödinger's cat?

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 17:36

storm I’m at all of DH’s gigs because he can’t drive and despite the man missing a foot, he’s apparently not disabled enough to mean we get a grant for an adapted car that he could learn in so I’m his taxi for now.

I’m also not sure anyone would dare flirt with him at gigs.. he’s in a spoof death metal band and gigs normally end with him taking his foot off and throwing it at the drummer, then screaming loudly in mock agony...

OP posts:
Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 17:36

soup dragon it both is and isn’t.

OP posts:
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