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Original poster

Apparently, I'm Dead.

999 replies

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 08:21

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently Hmm

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun Blush)

OP posts:
Littlemissdaredevil · 13/02/2018 16:59

She sounds unhinged!

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 16:59

Dobby that's a great shout, DH has nipped out but when he gets back I'll ask.

OP posts:
Sidge · 13/02/2018 17:00

Set Beetlejuice on her.

You can summon him seeing as you're dead!

CornforthWhite · 13/02/2018 17:00

Don’t reply ever. She’s nuts.

greathat · 13/02/2018 17:02

I would block and delete so there's no temptation to reply. She sounds properly unhinged

SlickBubbles · 13/02/2018 17:03

I would actually print out a copy of all the messages

Just in case you get a dead cat on the doorstep or something.....

dancingqueen345 · 13/02/2018 17:03

I do feel a bit sorry for her, she must be in a very difficult place to have done this.

Not excusing it, but I'd be worried about what she could do to herself/someone else having been caught out so spectacularly in a lie.

Darkbendis · 13/02/2018 17:05

So it's all clear: she must have developed a crush on your Viking musician husband, started to develop a relationship with messages and stuff in her head and eventually got you killed in a car crush in her fantasy. Too bad, how sad, tough luck you are still about (naaah, actually very glad you are still about, you made a lot of strangers happy today, including yours truly) .

But I would still go on with the fwake, sounds like a marvellous plan!

PollyCotton · 13/02/2018 17:06

Phew, I've spent all day trying to keep up with this thread - finally got to the end.

If I remember this thread & start giggling in the middle of the funeral I've got to go to next week, I'm going to blame you lot!

How is this not in classics yet?

BFF, are you doing the fwake or not? After her response I think I'd have to!

kaytee87 · 13/02/2018 17:08

God she's truly bonkers, which would be a shame if she wasn't so horrible to you.

NewSingleMummy · 13/02/2018 17:09

Best thread of the day.. she has issues!

RainbowGlitterFairy · 13/02/2018 17:10

Were they friends when they were 14? could be she read more into it than he did. I had a friend about that age that decided we were an item, I thought we were just best friends. If she's then seen him since at a gig or something she could be jealous.

Blackteadrinker77 · 13/02/2018 17:10

She keeps messaging because she wants the drama and you're not giving it to her.

You'll wind her up much more by ignoring her and having a great Friday night with lot's of face book adds Wine

billybagpuss · 13/02/2018 17:11

Wow suddenly the joke has become a whole lot more sinister.

Hope you all ok and M0 isn't one great bunny boiler xx

NorthernLurker · 13/02/2018 17:11

I think you are behaving very reasonably op. There is a very unpleasant side to what's happened here. Tbh I would be inclined to log with the police that this has happened. Not only did you not die in the car crash, nobody did. She had no reasonable grounds at all for a mistake which means she's tried to cause you pain on purpose. And now she's trying to build on that with all the other crap. That's potentially harassment. If she stops now, fine. If she carries on though you may be glad you logged it.

bastardkitty · 13/02/2018 17:11

I loved you when you were dead @BigFatFanny and I still love you now you're alive again. Great thread. Insane behaviour.

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 17:14

Yeah sorry guys it took a bit of a dark turn.

Mind you, it’s a thread about me dying so I’m not sure what else we were all expecting Blush

To lighten the mood, I’ve just told DM the entire story and her reaction was ‘totally mad, who would fancy DH??’

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 13/02/2018 17:15

She sounds completely batshit and more than a little unhinged. Probably panicking that you're also about to blow her 'story' about her imaginary relationship with your DH out of the water with her friends. Now she's digging in deeper hoping you'll lose it with your DH and possibly go after her and look like the unhinged one should you confront her. She's also likely to be quite angry that you have put her in this position ... even though she is 100% the cause of her own downfall...

FizzyGreenWater · 13/02/2018 17:16

Great replies that you are NEVER going to send:

'Gosh X, I have to say that I'm dead...
(next message)
...ly serious, you need to see someone'

'Really it kills me to see you like this.'

'Hey, you think you've got problems. I mean - I'm dead'

Grin
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 13/02/2018 17:16

She is bonkers. Screen shot the messages then delete and block.

I don't think any good will come of messaging her more, its just feeding her drama llama-ness, so you're doing the right thing by not responding.

PeapodBurgundy · 13/02/2018 17:17

It's taken me a while to get through 28 pages, but worth it! How utterly bewildering! She sounds like a very troubled lady. I'm still nominating for classics, too many funnies not to. This thread has been MN at its finest!

Topseyt · 13/02/2018 17:17

If she is trying to dig her way out of the hole she is in then there is a pretty good phrase for that:

"When you are in a hole, stop digging."

Do tell us some of whatever she says.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/02/2018 17:19

"When you are in a hole, stop digging."

A poignant observation on this of all threads.

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 17:19

She’s messaged M1 and a few other of that group while she’s been messaging me according to M1 saying she never said I was dead and apparently they all misunderstood her Hmm

She’s saying I’ve found out about her ‘affair’ with DH and I’m spreading nasty shit about her by telling everyone she’s a liar...

I’ve screenshotted all her messages and pasted them into a word doc on my desktop.

OP posts:
youngnomore · 13/02/2018 17:20
Shock
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