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Original poster

Apparently, I'm Dead.

999 replies

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 08:21

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently Hmm

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun Blush)

OP posts:
InsomniacAnonymous · 13/02/2018 16:42

Why doesn't your DH say anything to her?

FartyMcLetFly · 13/02/2018 16:43

*DH has changed his relationship status to widowed...

DM has liked it!

Asshats the pair of them.*

This one got me laughing so hard DS actually out down his Xbox controller to come to his bedroom door and give me a puzzled look Hmm

I want to die and have a fwake now!!!!!!

All the posters suggesting she might actually be dead and in the afterlife, honestly if I was the OP I'd have been seriously questioning EVERYTHING this morning GrinConfused

AristotlesTrousers · 13/02/2018 16:43

This is such a great thread!

What a rude reply she sent you though, OP. She sounds like a present day Vicky Pollard! Shock

brewsandbooks · 13/02/2018 16:44

Still ?? I think there is a lot more to this girl!! She said your dead then insults your marriage !! You have the will power of a god not to reply !! Your a bigger woman than me

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/02/2018 16:45

I haven't RTFT, has anyone suggested a sign saying, "I ATEN'T DEAD" yet?

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 16:46

Blather I think he's popped up on her timeline and she's gone down a FB stalking rabbit hole looking through his photos (he loves photography and he's bloody good at it), then reached the bit when we bought our house which is how she'll know which street we live on.

She's gotten jealous/ obsessive and then when the car crash happened on the street (it was fairly big news in this area) she's needed a way to connect herself to it because attention/ disaster etc drives her, and she's remembered we live just off that road and it's all linked together in her head.

On the Friday night if she genuinely thinks her 'friends' all hate her, she'll have needed a way to put herself back as the centre of attention so she's gone 'did you know Fanny XX died? I know her husband, we were a couple at school'... then it's spiralled away from her.

That's my theory anyway.

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 13/02/2018 16:46

Really strange.
If she really wasn't the source, most people would have responded that they didn't know what you meant and they were confused, even amused.
Not go off on a rant calling you a bitch and saying your DH "cheated" when aged 14

FingerlingUnderling · 13/02/2018 16:47

I've got 99 problems but being dead ain't one.

FingerlingUnderling · 13/02/2018 16:48

Seriously though, if she does turn all stalky stalky, there are laws to protect you and she can get a friendly visit from a copper to warn her off.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 13/02/2018 16:48

So utterly bizarre

DancesWithOtters · 13/02/2018 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 13/02/2018 16:49

Fanny I'd be tempted to send the daft bint a link to a counselling service as it sounds like she obviously needs it.

I'm pleased that you are still very much alive. Though when I started reading your thread I wondered whether you were accidentally dropping in & out of a parallel universe Smile

AppleKatie · 13/02/2018 16:49

Sounds like she genuinely has some MH issues. Maybe worth copying her rants and send to someone who knows her well and might be able to help her?

Her behaviour clearly isn’t normal and if she’s got a young child at home...

Foggymist · 13/02/2018 16:51

I read that as DH loves pornography Grin

KitKat1985 · 13/02/2018 16:51

Wow. She really sounds nuts. It sounds like she has a real hang-up about you and your DH and has been face-stalking you both, which is very odd for someone you haven't seen since school. I'd be seriously unnerved.

Cupoteap · 13/02/2018 16:51

Double Confused

Karid1496 · 13/02/2018 16:51

Wow just wow!!! Bet she didn't think it would spiral the way it has when she made that up. Xx

FizzyGreenWater · 13/02/2018 16:52

I'd reply

'Well I'm still alive but to be honest after listening to all this, the alternative is looking more and more attractive HUN'

Genevieva · 13/02/2018 16:53

I wouldn't. She is a deranged fantasist with serious envy issues. She has already humiliated herself without you doing anything unkind. If she has any sense she will crawl under a stone for a bit, but there is a danger she lashes out at being discovered and says some pretty unkind things about you and your DH to others. I reckon you are strong enough to cope with that and it will only confirm that she is unstable and you are nice people.

gruffaloshmuffalo · 13/02/2018 16:53

I love this thread!

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 16:54

The thing is, there's 2 parts to the lie: Part 1, I'm dead. Part 2, She had a relationship with DH at school.

I've messaged M1 a few times today about how weird it all is and that's how I know she told them all her and DH had a thing in year 9 which according to her lasted a year but they kept it a secret Confused She's told M1 this story a few times in the last few months or so and also said that DH has been FB messaging her recently trying to get her to go on a date Confused

I can see from DH's message history this is completely untrue and just from DH's reaction when he name was mentioned I can tell he only vaguely recognised her name...

I think she's a very hurt person.

OP posts:
ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/02/2018 16:55

Having read the updates I think this is a lot more serious that first meets the eye and should be treated as such. I wouldnt send any replies. Can you block her? And tell a mutual friend to keep an ear out for any rumours as this could escalate.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/02/2018 16:56

Oh god I'm only joking.

No way would I really reply. I'd just sit there reading in horror with my eyes like saucers.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 13/02/2018 16:58

Any likelihood she may have hit on dh when he's been playing with his band recently and he's turned her down? Without Dh realising who she was at the time obviously.

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 16:59

I'm most definitely not going to reply or contact her. I've said to M1 that I'm concerned she's unwell. M1 doesn't think so, apparently she's always done stuff like this.

I think she's fantasised about my one-footed viking super-stud, made up that he's contacting her and then in her fantasy world then bumped me off to make way for their lurve....

Awks.

OP posts: