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Apparently, I'm Dead.

999 replies

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 08:21

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently Hmm

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun Blush)

OP posts:
ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/02/2018 16:05

Can you send her a gif of Regina George saying "why are you so obsessed with me?"

Dobbythesockelf · 13/02/2018 16:05

Do it....
Why is she still messaging you anyway?!?

fearfultrill · 13/02/2018 16:06

Just found this thread - do what @ShowMePotatoSalad says!!

picklemepopcorn · 13/02/2018 16:06

I've loved this thread. I'm very very stressed at the moment due to an upcoming family well people related by blood who hate each other a little bit funeral which is proving remarkably difficult to pull together. (TLDBR). This has proved a Black comic delight.

susurration · 13/02/2018 16:06

Your DH sounds a bit like my BiL. He once gave my Sister a 2x4 bit of wood for Christmas because he 'wooden be without her...'

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 16:06

We are in fact adults I assure you all! I'm 27!

Her last message was also about DH, I think this might run a bit deeper than first thought and she does in fact have a grudge, albeit from afar.

OP posts:
LittleLights · 13/02/2018 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 13/02/2018 16:07

M0 has messaged me back 3 times, the last 2 both being 'are you there?'... sooo tempted to reply 'nope sorry, I'm dead

"knock once for no, knock twice for yes*

picklemepopcorn · 13/02/2018 16:07

And hold the fwake. Any excuse for a party. You only live once usually. You're a long time dead usually.

FelicityMorange · 13/02/2018 16:08

Right-oh then.

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 16:09

susurration yep, sounds like something DH would do!

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 13/02/2018 16:09

Please do it :)

Cathena · 13/02/2018 16:10

Pleeeeease post the three messages OP! I am just so invested at this stage.

I also love you and DH so hard. Please can we be couple friends kthanx

magimedi · 13/02/2018 16:10

Have just come in from a hellish & annoying day & reading this (with Brew ) has improved my mood no end.

So funny - but 'mist' had me snorting.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/02/2018 16:10

Another vote for posting Message 1.

Blatherskite · 13/02/2018 16:11

What has she said about your DH now?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/02/2018 16:11

I'd go with aliens. Very X-Files. 👽

DF had this, but with the housing benefit office. They stopped his payments because he was, apparently, dead. This was news to him.

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 16:12

LittleLights she's saying she didn't know anything about it and it's all news to her and sticking with that story Confused

She's still messaging. As soon as she sends a message there's a minute or so break, then the "writing a message" dots appear and she sends another essay.. it's all a bit odd. I haven't responded and don't plan to.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 13/02/2018 16:12

'Nope sorry I'm dead' 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Steeley113 · 13/02/2018 16:12

Another one here for the Regina gif of ‘why you so obsessed with me?’

StealthPolarBear · 13/02/2018 16:12

Wow well I wasn't expecting this!

Cockmagic · 13/02/2018 16:13

This thread has me in stitches at work!

Out of interest how long have you been together? She sounds a bit jealous to me

I think it's lovely school sweethearts ❤️

DancesWithOtters · 13/02/2018 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alotalotalot · 13/02/2018 16:14

Is she dragging up the past or has something more recent caused this?

KitKat1985 · 13/02/2018 16:15

What is she saying?