Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

He likes to tell people he lost it whilst shark hunting

I'm liking your DH more and more

u need a nice poem to go in the local paper hun. I've written one 4 u here:

Fanny was the bestest friend
She came to an untimely end
To all her family best wishes we send
She is the person we all miss
Her cup of tea, her gentle kiss
We will always think of this
She would not want us to sit and cry
As the years pass on by
She is an angle in the sky

You and DH are hilarious 🤣 mornin

pumpersnatch oh do go away. Everyone is having some light hearted fun and if you don't want to read then don't. Tis simple.

The 'he cheated on you with me in Year 9' is just hysterical from an adult.

Loving your thread OP :D

Don't know if it's been suggested but maybe she meant to spread the rumour that you namesake had died?

I'm not coming to your fwake if you invite @pumersnatch!

It should be a fun celebration of your non death.

I think this is the first zombie thread in the history of Mumsnet with a starting date of today.

If this doesn't amke it to classics I think I'll eat my hat.

(a big black wide-rimmed affair with one of those net veil thingies on obviously)

I’m at home sick today and this thread has been the perfect pick me up. Love the poem by MrsSchadenfreude - please get DH to post that as tribute on his FB page!

Is Dh likely to benefit from a big insurance payout...

The hardest thing in life to bare
Is too want BigFatFanny when she's not their

I'm crying with laughter! This is amazing! 😂😂😂

Slightly paraphrasing a Monty Python line
Fanny: I was dead this morning
MrFanny:
Fanny: But I got better

Now I've read her replies I'm thinking the phrase "only the good die young" may be true. Ugh she sounds vile!

Brace yourself, OP. Lunatic liars like MO don't play fair and they don't go down without trying to take others with them.

Your DH is hilarious. Shark.

Mrs surely it's 'she is the person we all mist'? But great poem

I have to say DH is excellent at Valentines Day gifts. Personal highlights include:

Buying me a mop and bucket the valentines day before we went off to uni to mop up my tears (we were going to be long distance for a while)

Making me a mixed tape of him playing bad 80's porn music on a keyboard. He called it 'the sexy mix'.

He whittled me a spoon from a stick one of the dogs picked up on a walk one year.. when asked why a spoon, he replied 'it was going to be a heart but I realised half way through I can't whittle'...

He gave me his fake foot so 'i'd be sure he'd never run away' on our very first valentines day... as a 13 year old that was an experience.

He's a keeper

M0 has messaged me back 3 times, the last 2 both being 'are you there?'... sooo tempted to reply 'nope sorry, I'm dead'

TitaniasCloset

Damn, you're right.

"She is the person we all mist
Particularly when we are getting pissed."

Thereby giving you not only a mis-spelling but also a confusion of tenses and a rhyme that doesn't scan properly.

.......dooooo eeeetttt

Do it OP!

Oh please do OP!

Go on do it, do it. You know you want to. She may even find it funny. You never know.

One!! She sounds absolutely batshit crazy!!

Can I just check that none of you are now in Year 10 Please??😂

I cannot believe an adult would bring up some Year 9 drama!!!

I'm getting the impression she doesn't like you very much OP!! Not that you will be devastated by this fact!

Love the way you responded to her. She sounds a CF!!

I can't go but wonder how she will respond to your last message!

Please do the Fwake. Get everyone (especially M0s FB friends) to take lots of photos and post them in a massive group album called "BigFatFannys Fwake"!! It's important to tag anyone on her friends list do even if she blocks you it will keep popping up in her feed!

I dont care if she'd find it funny.. I would!