Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

Fantastic update!!

Please, please, PLEASE have a fwake!!!!

Screenshot and send to your mourners. Let them know her for the lying cunt that she is.

LOL copy and paste to your FB page

Sounds like a peach!

(Text back - so you won't be doing a reading then?)

Wow. She is a right piece of work.

Make sure you let her know that your DH has developed taste since he was 14.

Very odd!

This has been the high light of my day! I am waiting for M0s reply update!

Hilarious thread.

Happy Undead Day Fanny

M0 is a fricking loon. Who does that with no evidence to back her up? Nobody was even hurt in the crash how did she get from that to 'person she barely knows died' then tells all that person's friends?

P.S.
If you really are a zombie can i practice 'killing walkers' on you? Just would be really helpful in prep for the real thing.

Another one saying you should screenshot and post :D

Oh god... she sounds delightful.

If I were you I'd screenshot both the messages (since yours is completely normal and polite) and get DH to post them to his page, tagging M1 etc. who told you that it was M0 who started it.

Post it with a comment like "The mystery deepens!! M1/4/67 - is someone pretending to be M0 and giving you weird information about BFF? Has M0's page now been hacked? This was funny at first but is now getting quite creepy so we're actually keen to sort it out...."

Then see what M1 etc have to say

Ooh I see she replied! She seems like a whacko!

Crikey, she's a ray of sunshine isn't she!

Have you told the other mourners that M0 says they're lying?

I replied ‘ok, well I’m very much alive and well so if you could correct your mistake that would be fab’

Tales from year 9 indeed! Someone is far too annoyed, needlessly aggressive and sweary for it not to be her.

I am so enjoying your death OP.

Are you willing to drop your other friends in it? Get back to her and explain that M1-10 have all confirmed she was the one who told them and why would they all lie?

Defo copy and paste on page - who the hell does that?!!

Did he turn her down when he was 16 and had metamorphosed into a hunk? Perhaps she's borne a grudge against you for all these years because he chose you?

Omg what a nutcase I've been in stitches reading this thread cheers op

“DH keeps bringing me cups of tea very quietly and then bemoaning dramatically 'she always loved a cup of tea!' before wailing loudly and leaving the room...

Git.”

Your husband sounds like a laugh

This thread is a gift which keeps on giving.

Hmm, the lady doth protest too much!

Shame you can’t tag her on FB in a passive aggressive “See “friend1” and “friend2”, I told you M0 couldn’t have been the one who started the rumour about my premature demise” Post, along with a screenshot of her message.

I've probably already been beaten to it (there's 21 pages!!) but it reminds me of that Friends episode.
Are you Ross? Did you frape one of your besties profile pages and out them as "gay as the day is long?!"
Maybe they're getting back at you.
Hold a memorial service for yourself and see who if anyone bothers to turn up.

That's a real weird response. Are you sure someone isn't trolling you or something. Maybe the woman's accounts been hacked or something.

Sniggered my way through this thread, loving 'Awake'!

Her response shows she's an idiot who never grew up! Clyping on your DH from school days!

Definitely answer with 'You're dead to me'. then block!

Enjoy your death day!

Omg she is an absolute loon!!

She's a peach isn't she? M0 if you're on here have one of these dearest oh and one of these too What a twunt!