Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

What if people think you are impersonating your dead self

Have laughed all the way through this thread! Hope M0 has a bloody good explanation!

and even a ‘I’m so sad that we lost touch all those years ago."

Good opportunity to organise a reunion.

I don't think there was a mix up or misunderstanding. OP said nobody was hurt in that car crash, let alone died, so it's purely from M0's imagination. That's what would piss me off.

Oh, and the fact that "friends" come out of the woodwork after your supposed demise. If they cared that much about you, they'd keep in touch, even if it was only every few months and via FB.

But, I'm glad you're alive and having a laugh. Your DH sounds fun!

i see dead mnetters snort!

Think you did the right thing with the message op. It’ll be ironic if you actually are dead and sitting that out with her was the unfinished business that sees you pass over to the other side!

Do you see dead people?

• sorting that out

You need to name change to shrivelledfanny

Thank you so much for dying although I'm obviously pleased you can still communicate with us.

This thread has realy cheered me and DH up on a miserable wet Tuesday afternoon

RIP.

Aliens... definitely!

Oooh liking the update...can't wait to hear MO's response.... my breath is bated!

Hilarious thread!

Oof she’s replied. It’s not pretty.

‘Well whoever you’ve been taking to is talking shit, I never said anything to anyone about you I don’t even know you silly cow. Only way I know your name is because DH cheated on you with me in year 9 so my mates told me who you were. I haven’t even thought about you since tbh why would I. Sort yourself out stupid bitch.

....

Delightful

DH is mortified, if he had cheated on me with her when we were kids he’d have been a lanky, spotty, ginger haired 14 year old with very bad glasses and a severe limp who loved yugioh and kids tv and she was one of the very popular sporty kids in the year above... I’d probably have been more impressed than angry!

As an FYI, DH blossomed aged 16 when he suddenly grew 2ft, his shoulders completely broadened and his developed a pretty impressive beard... he looked rather like a Viking , still had his limp (he doesn’t have a left foot) but on his 6ft 7 body everyone assumes it’s as the result of some Russian mob fight or something.. He likes to tell people he lost it whilst shark hunting

Brilliant thread
Shamelessly placemarking to see if M0 responds...

Definitely one for Classics. I hope M0 comes back with an explanation and I would definitely do the fwake this weekend. Wear white - including white face paint

That's fucking hilarious, trying to upset you with things from YEAR 9 at school!! Ha ha ha! What a sad cow she clearly is.

Delete and block from FB, everyone knows she's a shit stirrer.

Clearly hacked off that you've pissed on her identity-theft parade...

Your poor DH! She sounds completely unhinged.

Omg OP she sounds utterly mad! Steer clear..!

What the actual fuck?

I'd...I'd need to embarass this person publicly, if I were you.

Hahaha - tales from year 9 😂😂

This is a thread for classics - I'm pissing myself! 😂

Shame she didn't end with
"You're dead to me"

It looks like the lady protests too much.

I think she remembers DH as he was in sixth form and not how he was pre- Viking.. he was quite the dish at 16/17 so she’s probably forgotten the 4 years before that of glorious geeky weirdness!

scratch at the bedroom window and wail, 'DH, it's meeee, it's Fannyyyyyy, I've come hooooooome

This made my day. Thanks!

Oooh! I love a good twist!

Screen shot and post to DH’s Facebook wall gets my vote!