Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

Op

Can you spin your head around like Meryl Streep in Death becomes her??

obviously my post has been poltegeisted
Or is he**
wailing* and *

Surely a wake when you aren't actually dead should be called an Awake. Also please can you add "Chasing cars" to the playlist. I think the reason they took 48 hours to post their condolences was cos they are in shock hun. Enjoy your tea (with a ham sarnie and a scone).

''

Bet Op can headspin!!

Im not pearlclutching I just honestly dont think its funny.

All the " OMG best thread everrrrrrrr " is just a bit.....odd.

Still, glad youre not dead though. So there's that.

I think you can most certainly harness the landlady of the pub into your evil plans.

I also think you need a GhostBigFatFanny FB page, linked to your usual fb page, where you post as your ghost. Some people will believe anything....

morale with your "awake" comment you win the internet today

If you actually do the fwake, everyone will think you started the rumour

OP, you need to find a long floaty white dress and a ladder. Tonight while DH is asleep climb said ladder while wearing said dress, scratch at the bedroom window and wail, 'DH, it's meeee, it's Fannyyyyyy, I've come hooooooome'.

Tomorrow is also Ash Wednesday...

Make sure you're not cremated by accident.

Now when you really die people will just go "oh not again".

Snort!

Since they put ash on foreheads at churches I also hope not for the parishioners sakes.

How can you start a rumour about yourself being dead?

Norfolkencluehow much did the bank compensate for that kind of mix up? Like pocket money or a wow amount?

how can you start a rumour about yourself being dead? 😂

How can you start a rumour about yourself being dead? no one will wonder that. First there's a rumour that someone's dead, then there's a fwake... It all sounds like part of a big joke.

On a serious note OP I think I'd message M0. It sounds like she may be unhinged, but I think I'd side-step that and just treat it as a misunderstanding and send something like: 'hi, I've had a number of messages recently from people who think I've died as you said to them I died in a crash on Friday. Obviously there's been a mix-up / some misinformation but obviously I'm not dead so please don't tell anyone else - lol!'. Keep it light and hopefully she'll be mortified with embarrassment (hope you appreciate the pun there) and stop!

Love this thread.

It is bizarre though. You would have thought M0 would be embarrassed. Perhaps she is, although she does sound like one for the dramatic and bizarre behaviour.

I would send M0 an FB Messenger message too.

A few ideas for you to post on FB

Or, more boring:

Give her a "wave" on FB (it's the new "poke")

Has this second chance at life given you a eureka moment?! (Or is it ulreika?) have you decided you now must travel the world in a Clio? Or bungee jump Vic falls? Most people don’t get the chance to have a second chance

Must feel very weird. I'm awaiting it happening to me in 10/20 years as I share a name with someone not exactly a celeb but well known in their field, if I google myself I have to wade through pages of their stuff before mine come up.

I'd have kept quiet to see who didn't give a shit 😂

I know of someone who tried to get time off work due to their grandmother dying - for the 3rd time - to make matters worse she didn't understand how it wasn't plausible that she was claiming she had 3 biological grandmothers.

Geez is UNKNOWN NAME planning to bump you off to get dh?

I don't blame her your dh sounds bloody fab!

Wow she sounds very unwell. But I'd still be asking for an apology! Definitely a public one too.

"It was a right kerfuffle to resurrect them if they wouldn't bloody well roll over and stay dead." Having worked in certain industries myself I totally get this! 😂😂😂 I've honestly had bosses that would be thinking "ffs please can't you stay dead it's SUCH a pain sorting this"

"OH GOD WE NEVER CALLED MIL."

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.

STOP I'm gonna pee myself (I'm envisaging all the horrible mn mil's who would be calling their ds to say "well thank fuck! Never liked her"

wail, 'DH, it's meeee, it's Fannyyyyyy, I've come hooooooome'

This did honestly make me laugh out loud....well snigger a lot

I've caved and messaged her on DH's profile, I said:

Hi M0 it's Fanny, I've had a few messages on my facebook this morning and last night from people thinking I'm dead. All sorted now, but after doing some digging it appears they believe I died in the car accident on XXXXX street on Friday and the source of the information so far traces back to you. Obviously there's been a misunderstanding along the line somewhere, so just to let you know I'm fine, wasn't involved in the accident at all so if you could correct your mistake with everyone you've told, I'd appreciate it. Thanks!